~ tHe p|eCe oF |aNd uNdEr tHe sTaRz ~

+缘分还是有缘无分+

2011-11-26T22:55:00.005+08:00

缘分不是在一个联谊网络里认识一个人，然后发现那个人原来在隔壁的公司上班
而是为了认识更多人来忘记某个人才加入联谊网络，却被那某个人在网络里找到

如果你心里有个他你便刀枪不入
而我心里也有一个刀枪不入的他

有些人习惯了往回看却忘了如何往前走
九把刀却懂得如何回味而向前走得更远
而我早已习惯了不等人独自走下去
感觉对了未必要出发
藏在心底偶尔寂寞时拿出来回味一下

True or not

2010-08-21T09:57:00.002+08:00

Recently been feeling disturbed, and yet can't really decipher what I am feeling, until i saw a post on Facebook by a friend of my friend:
"Life is not about people who act true to your face, but about people who remain true behind your back."

Exactly.

I like my current job for now. But what is stressing me out is that i like my job, and nothing else. Apparently, those who work with me or under me, thinks i'm incapable. Those who work around me, thinks i'm a self-centred spoiltbrat. And the worse thing is, none of them showed they thought like that of me at all!

Superficialilty.

Nowadays, i no longer feel any sense of achievement or happiness whenever i complete something. I can't feel any sincerity when people congratulate me. I don't feel any sincerity when i said thanks to their congratulations. It's all just a formality, which is as good as none.

So what happens when I start treating people as just colleagues, being superficial, being nice, saying only the 'right' things, telling them only things they want to hear? They find that suddenly, i'm a very nice person to work with! Faint... I feel so fake.

Friends can't be colleagues, and colleagues can never be friends.

Now I see the beauty of this phrase. After all, what matters in work is that, who cares if you are true or not? So long as you make people feel good, so good that they are willing to slog for you, then you've just proven yourself to be the competent and capable manager.

Yes, with time, i can do that.

But do i want to do that?

Counting down to 14months, before i have to make this decision.

+ d|sc0|oUrEd +

2009-12-20T21:24:00.004+08:00

These days, I have a weird feeling... not knowing what it is, but just weird.
Until today, i got it.
I don't know what to do with my life.
That's why i like idol dramas...

Since young, life has been purposeful. Our aim in life was to pass the exams each year. For ECAs, we had competitions, performances etc... In everything we do, there is an ultimate goal. Something to look forward to. When something ends, another begins. This is the joy of life, a colourful one.

What about now? I still don't know. When you know you had to do something irregardless if you like it or not, you will still do it. But when you are given a choice, suddenly, you can't find any reason to go on. It's not like I'm moody or what... I do wake up in the morning in very good spirits. And then? Do what? Haiz.. Clueless...
I know, some will say, do something you like, go out with friends, etc. And then? Another day pass... another week pass... then months... then years... then thinking back, wait... is there anything to think back at all? *sweat* There are things i want to do, but i just don't have the motivation to start, or to complete. Suddenly, things seem to have a lack of purpose. Anyway, sometimes, you just feel like relaxing without too much excitement.... looking back, i just realise i've relaxed my youth away.... zzzzz

About work wise, work doesn't seem to have any goals too... work will just go on and on, until the day you quit. I know this sounds funny from someone who had just changed a job, and who is glad she did. But still, don't understand. I know of some people with funny goals, like, be a millionaire by age 35, or retire by the age of 45 etc, which don't really make sense to me though. Anyway, after retirement, do what? Do anything you like? Like what? I don't think i need to wait till i'm a millionaire or a retiree to ask this question.
Actually I'm curious. For example a dentist with his own dental clinic. What can he goal for? The number of teeth he can fill everyday? Purpose.

Which is why i like to watch idol dramas. Besides the cute actors/actresses and the romantic sweet pure innocent love stories, one thing i like is the fun that everyone seems to be having, whether in the story or in real life. In the stories, the characters always have something to work towards to. Their will, their determination, their passion, whether or not they succeeded in the end, they're always burning with life. Out of the story, though it's tough work for the actors/actresses, still they had fun, or at least gained the experiences of being someone they may never be, or doing something they may never have done.
Imaginations gone wild, imaginations gone real.
But the most amazing part that i like about the idol dramas is the ability of the production crew to influence and control the audience's emotions, with plot, music, and even the angle of the camera.
Not that i envy the lives of the artistes... They surely have their dark sides too which i don't think i can endure, it's after all their work too. But even if it's really JUST a job, they still do have an end and a beginning. They have a purpose. When they finish on a production, they move on to start another one. And years later when they look back, they had all the DVDs and CDs to record the fruits of their labour. Nothing is in vain.
They have a legacy to spread. Look at Beethoven. So many years since he was dead, yet he still lives. I do no need to live for so many years. But what do I have, or what can I do to mark my once insignificant existence? Yes, the easiest way is children. Your children is a part of you, not just your resemblence in looks, but through the upbringing of them, you have passed on your knowledge, morals, habits. You will continue to live in them.

Which is why the most common of common sense which is to be instilled in us since young is that the purpose of living is to, study hard, get a job, get married and have kids. Yawnz... Boring, but sensible still. Which now the problem is, how to leave a legacy even if i do not get married and have kids. Even for Jane Austen, she never marry, yet she had written a few of the greatest classic novels of all times.

But before i find an answer to that last question, i have to solve the first question first.
What do I want to do with my life? Not too exciting, but a colourful one.

And regarding that poor dentist whom i talked about just now, perhaps he does find purpose in curing his patients of toothaches, and therefore he passes down his legacy, through people's mouth, in the form of a tooth.

+ Carelessly Spendthrift +

2009-03-10T00:44:00.003+08:00

Was updating my resume just now, and I remembered how meagre my pay was during IA. However, life seemed much easier then than now, when my pay is so much higher....

My parents also didn't give me allowance during those times, and I survived solely on my own earnings and savings... yet i always seems to have more than enough... the sum in my bank account never hit 1k, but i'm not really bothered by it...

Nowadays, my parents also never give me allowance, and I'm still surviving on my own $$... and even after minus-ing away the allowance i contribute to my family, the insurance, the remaining is still more than the meagre pay during IA.

But it doesn't seem enough anymore.....

How come?

Have I adopted the habit of spending carelessly? I think so eh.... Oh dear....

In view of the economy downturn, everyone's anticipating a pay cut, or even jobless.... sooner or later....

Will I be able to re-adapt myself back to the thrifty old me, enough to live happily the penniless days, or will I be desperate and in despair, complaining and grumbling my days away?

But one thing to be glad about is, i do not have much commitment yet, like housing or car or spouse etc....

A blessing in disguise.

+ C|nDeRe||a +

2008-10-18T17:59:00.005+08:00

This is how the story usually goes:

Cinderella and Prince Charming met at the ball in a dance, under the eyes of the others.
Upon midnight, Cinderella left in a hurry before all magical effects disappeared.
In the process, she left a glass shoe.
Using the only clue aka glass shoe, Prince Charming searched all over the kingdom for Cinderella.
Eventually, he found her. They got married and lived happily ever after.

End of story.

I've always been amazed at how Prince Charming and Cinderella can fall in love with each other in just one night. What is so romantic about the story? Some say it's the extent that Prince Charming can go to to find the lady he loved. The only conclusion: Cinderella is too beautiful.

There are some similarities to the story.

It was also a ball.
It was also in a dance where the first meeting took place, also under the eyes of many others.
Upon reaching home, reduced back to the usual be-spectacled, messy haired, rundown dressed and careless self, which I am sure he will not recognize. (There is really a very great difference when being dressed up and dressed down)
Anyway, this story ended even before midnight. Haha.

But now I can understand where the most romantic part of the story is.

It is the moment of connection between Prince Charming and Cinderella.

Well, at least Cinderella left a glass shoe.
I only left a name.

WAKE UP! IT'S ALREADY MORNING! STOP DREAMING!

Okay. I'm not thinking or hankering after much. I admit I am no great beauty. I am content to have once been part of the story.

^_^

+ n|gHtMaRe +

2008-10-08T23:51:00.002+08:00

Seems like what I feared is true.
But luckily, it ended before things get worse. But I'm not sure how long will the aftershocks last before it dies down though.

People are always scared to be rejected, scared of loss of face or whatsoever. But then, please spare a thought for the poor person who is rejecting. I feel it's such a traumatizing experience to be the one rejecting you know? Scared of hurting someone.

You see, the one rejecting is actually the victim of the circumstances. The problem is brought up by the one who is rejected, but the one rejecting cannot lie! And the one rejecting HAS to reject! And is forced to unintentionally hurt that someone who is being rejected. Do you know how hurting it is to hurt someone, and even without intenting to in the first place? So who is the victim now?

Anyway come to think of it, which is worse? Losing face, or hurting someone? Hmm....

Well. The moral goes down to, please people, next time you wish to express something to someone, please be more sensitive! Watch out for signs of any discomfort from the other party, and do not impose your ideas onto them even though the other party is freaking out like mad.

Any chances of not being rejected will be shot down immediately!

On another note, I know someone who is unfortunately involved in the recent case of the plane that met with a slight mishap. This is even more freaky than what I had been through the past few days, because this concerns life and death!! According to her family, she is still in shock, even though she has arrived safely in Perth with a slight sprain. She is a strong lady, but when she recalls the events that had happened on the plane, she is still shaken. Come to think of it, perhaps my reaction to my case is a bit over-reacted after all. This then, is considered a real nightmare.

Her family and friends kept telling her to let go of her newly established work overseas and just come back home, but I not very sure if she would let go. However, someone told me, ultimately in life, what is the most important? What will company you to the end? Family and yourself. So who cares about the career so long as you can be with your family safe and sound?

This really set me thinking. Real thinking.
True.
Ultimately, family and myself.
Ultimately.

*new ideas formulating in my mind*

+ fReAkEd +

2008-10-06T22:38:00.003+08:00

Okay. When I said my next quarter will be very happening, and I am looking forward to it, I do not mean for it to happen right on the first day of the next quarter!!!
Totally caught me off guard!!

FREAKED!!

I have an urge to fully describe in detail what had happened, but i think I shall not, because I do not want to be reminded of this incident in such great detail ever again! Even thinking about it now still sends a shudder down my spine!

SPOOKED!

Argh! I really really hope this is not my worst fear coming true. Something I've been fearing for quite sometime! Let's just wait and see... Please don't let my fear come true!!

Anyway, I think I'm gonna have a nightmare tonight! How am I going to face tomorrow? Faint!!

But whichever and whatever, I'm gonna say something...

THANK YOU DEAR BRENDA!!!!!!

YOU REALLLY SAVED ME JUST NOW!!! THANKS for appearing and being there for me when I needed someone the most to keep myself SANE! Hahaha.. I know you know what I'm talking about!

Aiyo.... it's so dramatic.... Unbelieveable... ZZzzzz.....

Hope everything will return back to normal tomorrow...
Please!
No more stunts.

And don't think too much.

+ Wa|k|nG t0wArDs SuNsH|nE +

2008-10-05T23:59:00.005+08:00

Had a little conversation with someone yesterday.

Someone: Are you a student, or have you started working?
Me: Oh, I'm working already.
Someone: Just started? Or one to two years already?
Me: Hmm... Yea around two...

(I get that often, so I'm quite fine with it. What comes next is the first time though...)

Someone: Oh.. No wonder you still look so "chun2 qing2".

(No one ever use that to describe me before, so I don't really understand that word. Looked up the translator and it reads "pure". Ah-hem... I don't really think so huh? Now don't puke!)

Anyway, I gave a ??? look, and she continues..

Someone: Well yah, you haven't really been polluted by the society and workplace yet. This is good. Take more pictures while you can. Because five years later, you will no longer look the same anymore. This I can assure you. So you must take as many as possible.

Me: *speechless*

What? So I'm supposed to look old? More mature? Fierce?! EVIL!!?? POLLUTED?!?!?!?!

Sounds so scary! >.<

Anyway, having just lived a quarter of a century, (no no no... I'm not going to reflect on the past quarter.. not yet. My life is not based on quarters. How many quarters are there in 100 years? Four! And I'm not sure if I can even complete three! It's way too long in a quarter, and too little. My life is divided in tens, and i have not finished the tenth year of this division yet. So no reflections) it's time to plan for the next quarter, and what comes next!

I believe that the next quarter is going to be very happening, and I am actually quite looking forward to it, the good and the bad. One thing I am thinking of though, is that perhaps after this second quarter, things are going on a different pace. My parents will probably be too old to explore life with me. My brothers will probably can't stand the sight of me. My trusted friends will probably be too busy with their spouses and kids to spare time for me. I'll probably have all the time in the world to spend with myself. Not that I am scared. I have already thought of all the things I can do.

However, to do that, I will have to be really independent and resourceful. Therefore, in this coming quarter, in the midst of living my life my own style (as usual), I shall incorporate some measures to further develop myself in all possible ways.

What measures? What ways?

That's for me to find out, for you to wait and see! Hahaha!

~~ Walking towards sunshine, living the way I want it ~~

Yay that's right, people! Get a Life! Live it the way YOU want it to be!

Cheers!

+ tHe t|Me |s N0W +

2008-05-19T16:29:00.004+08:00

It's been a long time since i wrote here. I've actually written a few entries, but did not post them up. Didn't feel the need to.

The time while i M.I.A.ed, I'd been here and there, trying this and that, searching for my identity. Or what i want to do with my life. I suppose this is the quarter life crisis?

Anyway, what with the Myanmar cyclone (till now i haven't been able to contact my Myanmar ex-colleague) and the China earthquake in Chengdu (I've been there just 2 months ago, and i can't imagine the places where my moo-prints are still fresh; they are totally different now)...

Gosh!

Millions are suffering!

Who cares about how much you earn in a year? or the next 10 years?

A big jolt on the head.

I guess this is it.

The time is now.

+ |0Ve PeAcE n0t wAr +

2007-07-26T23:26:00.001+08:00

Today i was quite bored during lunch. Therefore whilst letting my imagination run wild, i came up with this.

"I hate war because i love peace, so i am going to join in the War for Peace"

So am I a peace lover or not? I decided to sms that phrase to anyone who popped up in my mind, and i got quite a series of interesting answers. So before i forget them, here they are...

A: Thats campaign for peace, not war for peace. Wrong use of syllabus.
Me: What if i mean real war, not just a campaign?
A: If real war, then thats not a peace lover, its an idiot.

B: Hmm.. Chim question sia. You are fighting for peace. so okay lah, cansider peace lover bah.
Me: But if i fight a war, i will be disrupting peace. So does it still count?
B: War is going to start whether you join or not. Need to fight to end it early mah. Just like egg or chicken which comes first.

C: Hahaha.. your question is so silly. But i guess it depends on how you see it, as in whether the end can justify the mean. If so i guess you're still a peace lover.

D: I'm not sure if you're a peace lover, but i can bet you're a "peace a" lover! "Peace a" like in "Pizza" Wahaha. Lamez! Yeah its ironic.

E: Peace lover. Think "war for peace" means the action that you're going to take to achieve peace and not literally fight instead.

And the Best so far, together with a real life practical application...

F: You are a peace lover because the ultimate result is still peace. but if you use war to achieve peace, people will only blame you for bringing war and not be grateful for the peace in exchange. This is exactly why Bush fight Iraq.

So how? Should i hate Bush?

F replied, it's true that many innocent lives, including that of the soldiers and those who went to maintain peace after war, were lost. But imagine if Bush had not fought Iraq, the lives of the people in Iraq will still be in terror and still be in very terrible state. And people of other countries will also still be in terror wondering who will be the next target and when will they be targeted. However, not many people appreciate what Bush did, and the peace that was brought to them through the war.

C00l! Think of Perspective!!

Time for pondering!

+ L.T.C. +

2007-03-25T09:36:00.000+08:00

Recently, I went for a leadership training camp, (LTC). A true leadership training camp, different from those typical LTCs. Those typical LTCs mainly train your confidence, teamwork and etc... But for this camp that i went, it's more like a self-discovery camp.

Learnt two things there.

"True Leadership is trained by being a leader."

Only by having the chance to be a leader can one truly experience and learn how to be a good leader. It's only when you lead can you learn true leadership.

And Leadership goes hand in hand with Respect. Respect for others, and others will respect you.

"If one persevere, he can create wonders."

This is one thing which i had learnt from one member of the camp, even though it was I who said this to him. This is applicable to not only him, not only me, and also to everyone else who doesn't give up!

I've really learnt a LOT! And I'm totally grateful for it! (Except for the immensely poisonous rash-looking mosquito bites all over my hands and legs that I brought back from the camp which totally itched for 2 whole weeks!! >.<)

Yea! Go go everyone! Cheers to all those who are still hanging on and never give up!

+ Of dReamZ and |dea|s +

2007-03-14T22:30:00.000+08:00

Today, I had a little chat with this xiao mei mei who's working in my company as a part time office girl. She had just gotten her 'O' Levels results and gotten a place in NYP. But that course she got into wasn't what she wanted, and feeling rather dejected. And she was contemplating whether to pursue her dream course, and weighing the pros and cons and risk factors.

And then we started chatting about dreams(meng xiang) and ideals(li xiang).

She said, her dream is to produce music. Be an audio mixer or whatever, just be someone who can create nice music. But, since dreams can never come true, she shall never be one.

I said, "No..! Dreams can come true!" (As usual, my antics.)

Then she said, "Yah. People become famous because of their dreams." And she went on, saying that how nice it is to make your dream a reality, pursuing a dream career, doing what you love and have great passion in. How blissful that would be.

And I said, "that's an ideal."

She objected, "no. It's a dream."

I insisted, "that's an ideal. There is a difference between a dream and an ideal". (No idea why i insisted. Just felt it's different)

She thinks for a while.

I continued, "dreams is more of a guide. Ideals is more of the path."
And i shocked myself. Because these words just shot out of my mouth but i don't really understand them.

The girl thought she understood, "Ok. I think I know. It's like my dream is to do music, but my ideal would be to get into business and earn bigger bucks with better future prospects? Like a dream is to do what you love while ideal is to be really practical and be successful in reality?"

Now this feels even more wrong. and i rambled on without much sense.

"A dream is about what you love, passion is about why you love, and an ideal is about actually getting down to doing it."

How does this sound? Anyway the girl goes on to talk about how a career should work. One has to have passion in what he is doing in order to be able to continue doing it for the rest of his life. That would be to make his dream, his passion into his career.

As i listened to her, it suddenly occur to me as if I'm looking at a younger me. Those words would have been what I would have said many years ago. But I know that even when many years back as i say those idealistic words, deep in my heart i still knew a fact. And though i know it is cruel, i felt i still have to remind her about that fact.

"To be able to combine passion and career would of course have been the best. But always bear in mind that many people, in the process of pursuing their dream as their life career, they actually burn out their passion." I guess she understood, because she agreed.

But on my way home, i kept thinking, how do i define dreams and ideals? I concluded that, a dream is like a guiding light. It shows you the direction. Ideals are like the paths towards the light. And to reach the light, there can be many paths to choose from. So perhaps the challenge in life would be,
1) To find out what is your dream?
2) How to turn your dream into an ideal?
3) How to achieve your ideal?

Perhaps we can say, we cannot directly achieve our dreams, but we can achieve our ideals. Yet once we have achieved our ideals, it would also still mean you have achieved your dreams. Sounds confusing?

Let's say for 2 examples.

1st example: My dream is to be a singer, because I love to sing, and I want to let many people hear me and feel my passion for singing. To break it down, my passion is in singing, and my ideal is to be a singer. Instantly, everyone will think about the famous glamorous pop singers. But if i can't be the next Stephanie Sun or Rain, i can still achieve my dream! Other alternatives would be to sing in cafes, or sing in Ge-Tais, or sing in open lounges, or simply tape my songs and upload into the net for all to hear. All these are ideals too. If I only want to be a famous singer, then my passion would have been to become famous, not in singing.

2nd example: My dream is to be a doctor, so that i can relieve people of pain and help others lead a healthy life. However I'm too stupid and can't get into the medicine course in university. But i can take up first aid course and read up on health articles. Even if i can't be a qualified doctor, i can still be a medic during emergencies, and give advice to the people around me how to live healthier. You are still achieving your dream.

You don't have to make your dream/passion your career. Being a singer or a doctor is just the most straightforward way that's all.

We may all have the same dream, but each of us has our own ideals towards achieving it. That is the difference.

Anyway we've all heard of cases when people burn out their passion when they face the harsh facts of life while pursuing their dreams, so i shall not harp on that. But that thing is, i know all the above, alternatives or not, sounds so unreel and idealistic. But that's what ideals are. Ideals are meant to be idealistic. The challenge would be, how to turn your dreams into your ideals and how to work towards it.

Another formula again:

(the purest passion) + (all the practicality elements) = your ideal life

Once your ideal life is attained, you have realized your dreams. Even if you didn't manage to attain the ideal life, you are still in your correct direction, which is still as good! That is why, "

人因夢想而偉大"!!

Conclusion, dreams really can be achieved! The rest would be up to you to find out how to do that.

Perhaps that explains my last advice to the little girl about the fact. Maybe i want her to know that, even if she can't achieve her dreams using the most direct way, there are still many other ways. So long as she doesn't forget what is her truest dream, her purest passion, and keeps working towards it, someday, she may just achieve it!

+ i |0vE cHeAp0 sTuFFs +

2007-02-12T21:03:00.000+08:00

Yea!! I finally got my OWN radio cum CD player!!

Haha... I know i'm very backward in technology and gadgets etc.. Nowadays, everyone are talking about ipods, mp3 players, mp4 players and blah blah... But too bad, I'm still proud to say after so many years, I've finally got myself a proper radio cum CD player all to myself!! wahahah... (Even though it's a cheapo one, which my bet will be it can last at most 2 years only if i take care of it properly :P )

Yea Yea!! I still remember, I got my FIRST cheapo receiver at a pushcart outside Cineleisure 5 years ago for only $8!! It's a small squarish silver n metallic blue thingy branded "Bailang" <-some cheapo brand i tink, but everyone thought it was some latest mp3 gadget! wahahah.. But guess what!? It actually stayed with me during all my mugging times, all the way till i graduate! Unbelieveable right?! And I no longer use it now because i used it too much, i lost the earphones.. oops! So I decided to let this good old friend retire, and get a proper big radio.

You must find it funny... I'm so old already, don't my house even own a radio!?!? Yea My house actually has quite a few radio... But guess what? They're all for show. Nobody uses them, because they find radios too noisy. NOISY?! -_-||

I used to listen to radio and CDs on computer, but now that i officially live at home now, I don't have a computer to my name; One in my brothers room shared by all, all shared that one. I do have one sitting in my room though, but not wired up. Simply because i don't know how to, and my brothers are too lazy to do it for me. ZZzzz...

So what do i do when i wanna listen to music?? Some early in the weekends, when no one is at home, or all are still sleeping, I'll switch on the radio in the living room, or blast my CDs using the CD player connected to my TV, which is like such a big waste of electricity. And on top of it, getting thrown by rubbish, pillows and bloodcurdling screams telling me to SHUT UP! Muahaha.. Too bad! Just wake up and let me have some music dear!

My brother is always telling me to just get a cheap ipod or whatever, which is like so cheap nowadays, and not as if i can't afford it, and still get to enjoy thousands of songs. Oh well, yea
indeed. And how long do I need to finish listening to all those thousands of songs? and how long do I need to scroll through that list of thousands just to find that one song which i simply feel like listening? Hmmm....

Most people don't buy CDs now. They just download. But recently, I'm just getting into the habit of buying CDs! Hahha...
Call me slow or a country bumpkin or what, I'm totally fine. I still feel that there are still some reasons why some stuffs should remain that way.
And a radio cum CD player boom box is just what I need after a long week of hard work. Cheers! ^^

+ FAreWe|| 2oo6, wE|c0Me 2oo7 +

2006-12-31T22:14:00.000+08:00

Today, something funny happened.

Lunch, at the dining table. (In the background, Elder bro was preparing to go out. Little bro was already out.)
Mum(nonchalantly): Any agenda for today?
Me(chewing on my food): NNahh...
Mum(nonchalantly): How come?
Me(still chewing on my food): Why not? Isn't it good?
Mum(still nonchalantly): Of course it's not good. Means something is wrong. Young people staying at home and not out on the streets?
Me(still chewing...):Mmunch.. mmunchh..

Well, well, well... Anyone who knows my mum will find the episode above funny, just like me. Because my mum will never say this kinda words. And for me, under normal circumstance, i would have replied, "Oh.. But i thought you prefer me to stay at home and dislike me going out?" Of course, this piece of truth would have unleash a long argument and then a cold war between the 2 of us. Truth is, people dislike to hear truths, and she's one of them.

But then, since one of my resolutions for the new year is to reduce as much conflicts as i can in the family(though that's been my resolution for many years), i decided to start practicing it on the last day of this year, and kept my mouth shut. And yea.. I managed to finish my lunch in peace. Cheers!

But I wasn't lying when i said i have no agenda for today. And so here I am, sitting before the computer, finally having it all to myself, munching on hot steaming chwee kuehs and having a slight fever, perhaps this will be how i will be spending the last few hours of 2oo6. Okay I know, at this late hour still eating chwee kuehs even though i had my dinner, it's really sinful. Well, just let me indulge in these sins for today k? I'll start my slimming program next year, in a few hours' time yea? Hehehe..

Year 2oo6.

It has been a good year. When i say good, it doesn't mean only good things happened. You wouldn't call a movie good just because it is a comedy, right? Same here. It's been a long year, where many milestones are set, of endings and beginnings, of losing my way and then finding it again, of learning & growing up and then recovering the innocence underneath, of seeing the bad and the ugly, and finding the beauty within. It's like an exciting rollercoaster ride. So adventurous. So good.

I had started the first 3 months of this year struggling. My final semester in university. It was terribly scary. All the hopes that i can't afford to dash. All the determination and discipline. Well, though still not very diligent as compared to many other fellow classmates, still, i had never been this determined all my life. I had never wanted something so much. And that is, to graduate. And amazingly, of the 8 papers i had, 7 times i had walked out of the hall feeling alright. Without those "I'm DEAD!" feeling. But more of those "There, I've done the BEST I could. The rest is up to the Heavens to see if it wants me dead or alive."This kinda feeling is something i had not felt since my O' Levels. O'levels, not even A'levels. How long had that been?

Hmm.. But that 1 out of eighth time, well, i don't feel like recalling them just yet. It was too scary to even think of it. It almost broke me. Thank God it didn't affect the rest of the papers after that. After the exams, people started looking around for jobs. But I was at a loss. One thing was uncertain, I don't know if i can graduate. Hence I don't dare to look around for a job properly. Yet I was given a choice of an alternative, not in the line of what i studied. Well, I was certainly attracted, and I decided to give it a try.

Financial adviser.

This is something i believe would have worked out for me if i keep on persevering. And I knew it would be REAL HARD work in the initial stages, but the fruits would be sweet. And I bummed around. This period was really a time of self discovery. What I really want? what I really like? what I really am good in? What I really am? Dark times ahead.

But i still decided Finance is not for me, at least for now. I know too little of this world, i know too little of myself, to give real advice and be responsible to people. I am an indecisive person, but I'm not fickleminded. Once I decided on something, I would not change my mind. Not for a long time. So even though I had wasted some big cash, some big time and seen a bit of the bad sides of human, I was still thankful for this period of muddy self discovery. For it was because of this that I realized I could, and should always trust my gut feeling, for it would never lie to me. And it was due to this, that i finally decided on my career path.

Civil engineering.

Yea. Before I went to Beijing, I got my results. I graduated. At Beijing, I finally saw the places i've always wanted to see.

The Great Wall of China. The Forbidden City.

The origin of many stories. So colourful and glamourous, and yet so dark. So much room for imaginations to run. And with a lot of jiao3 zi. ^_^ After I came back, it was time for serious job hunting. And the wonderful part was, all my resumes were sent to engineering jobs. So determined I was right? Hahaha...

Graduation Day.

It was nothing too glamourous. But still, worth a place in my memories. All were accounted for in this entry=> Graduation Day
Anyway, I went for 4 job interviews in total. And my determination in earning a living in th engineering line strengthened with each interview. Till the last interview. I was forced to face the reality, the truth about myself. I am just an incompetent escapist. A bummer who happily tries to get past life just by breathing and laughing everyday.

To achieve, to do constructive things, to get a real life, one must have the real ability in one way or another. And I have none. I was totally shamed, not by others, but by myself. I said at the beginning already. People dislike hearing truths. I am one of them. I can't even face it. But this last interview made me even more determined to do well in this line. And believe it or not, the very next day, this company gave me the job.

Heavens certainly like to make fun of me, making my emotions go on rollercoasters. Is It not scared I'll have a heart attack or a nervous breakdown? Anyway I don't know what made me, but i accepted the job. But this is just the beginning of another rollercoaster ride.

NICE, but very CAPABLE and CLEVER colleagues.

I have learnt to be brave everyday. University life made me. And i'm suddenly thankful for it. The new faces, new environment and everything. I just have to take a deep breathe and suck everything in. And be myself. In this company, just in this short period, I've already been through a depression period.

Never to depend on others.

Because no matter how nice the people are, there will always be one day when you realize that when you need help the most, there will be no one to offer a helping hand. Then again, you have to realize that people do not mean to hurt you in this way. Yet they are never obligated to be there for you every time you are in trouble. That's the way it is. You just have to learn how to survive and dig your way out on your own. This is all part of growing up. Yea, I just grew an inch! =) So in all, I'm still proud to say i've got nice colleagues who are nice to me. At least they do not harm me intentionally. And they made me eat healthy lunches. ^^

This year, I went for my 1st overseas trip without my family! Even though it's with my company for a short retreat where there's still adults, (oops! i forgot i'm also an adult now) still, it marks the beginning of freedom. With this first time, there's going to be many more times coming up, of me going overseas without my parents watching over me! How very nice that feels... Freedom is finally catching up, how ever late it is....

And guess what? Yesterday, my dear roomy got ROM-ed!!! My first friend to get married! It came as a wonderful surprise for all of us when we receive her invitation!
Bless you girl! May you live happily ever after! =D

And I believe, as usual, that I will be receiving more invitations soon, news of my friends getting married one by one! Muahaha! I really can't wait! =P

But wait!
10 more seconds!
9..
8..

Farewell 2oo6! It's been a good year!

3..
2..
1..

Welcome 2oo7!
All the best! ^^

+ And tHey L|vE hApp|Ly eVeR aFteR +

2006-12-09T23:59:00.000+08:00

Perhaps no one would expect me to attend a wedding dinner of the sister of a friend all by myself.
But I just did. And boy, I'm really glad i did!

At first, I was so scared the groom and bride cant remember me. I had known the bride through my friend(of course! the bride is her sister!) and we had went swimming and ktv-ing in her house for quite a couple of times. And I had a once or twice encounter with the brother-in-law, aka the groom, during the ktv sessions. When my friend asked if I wanted to go to the wedding although i would be alone, I had readily agreed. I wanted to give my blessings to them on this big day and I wish to witness and be a part of their "happily ever after".

But I admit there was a tiny tinge of regret when i sat down at my allocated table in the midst of strangers, back facing the stage somemore. Why had I insisted coming even though i had expected to land myself in such awkward situation? But then, being the usual me, and of course with nice people sitting by my sides(I was literally sitting between a group of friends!), we soon started small chats. Anyway i began to like my environment.

After which the whole event start, and.... OMG!!! It's so........... NICE!!!! I LOVE WEDDINGS!! People I know always think attending weddings is a chore, because they have to give red packet (Red bomb they call) and sit through 2 hours to rot. But seriously, if it's for such a joyous event,
WHY NOT?!?!?!?? At most I'll save up on a few clothes, a few cds and a few big meals thats all! I don't wanna miss weddings. And definitely not this one!

Especially when the emcee announced that the groom is going up the stage to sing a song!
WOW!
The lady beside me and I simply looked at each other with BIG eyes and exclaimed a big "WOW". This is so unheard of, at least to me. I KNEW he can sing. Remember he joined us in the ktv session? So he sang an oldie "Wo shi zhen de fu chu wo de ai" -> I really gave all my heart.

AIYO! It was NICE!!! Can see he really meant all the words sia... During the last part, he came down the stage and stood beside his bride, crooning to her... Awww... I thought the bride would join him on stage. But nope. She was too busy crying.. W00000ooooo!!! SSSOOOOO ROMANTIC!!!! SO SWEET!!!! I saw that scene and was so touched a tear nearly got squeezed out. Luckily I didn't, else people might think I'm crazy.

After that, they came around.. I don't know if the groom still remembers me. I know he thought i looked familiar, he must have. Hahaha... But I was sure the bride recognise me.. She was smiling hard at me. Probably she was scared I would feel lonely bah. Well, I told her i wasn't.

GUESS WHAT!?!?!? They will be going on honeymoon, in January, for 10+ days, to EUROPE!!!! Paris, Germany and etc!! W00h00!!! Xin Fu Couple!! So good!

I'm sooooooooooooooo glad I went to their wedding and witnessed their blessed and filled-with-happiness faces! I want to bless the newly wed couple again and again and again and again and again.....

May both of you live happily together ever after!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

+ g00d & bAd +

2006-10-23T20:20:00.000+08:00

In the working world, there are two kinds of people:
the good people, and the bad people.

The good people are those people who wants to get things done, and find all proper means to solve things quickly.
The bad people are those people who wants to get things done, but don't want to do the things themselves, and push everything to others.

I am glad that i'm now in the midst of good people. But currently I am green. Through and through. What will happen in the future I won't know. I do not wish to turn out into someone who push all responsibility to others, and then claim credit for it.

I hope to be someone who wants to get things done, and have the ability to get the things done, through my own credit.

Wow. Sounds really far and hard.

Can I achieve that?

+ tHe m|sTy b00k 0f tHe0r|eS +

2006-10-14T03:14:00.000+08:00

Since nowadays I'm either too busy or not in any convenience to write, instead of writing long long essays, i shall summarize everything i wanna say and compile them into my misty book of theories. Short n simple n sweet. But still as making no head nor tail. Muahahahaha...
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
New additional Clause:

To Love is easier than to Hate.
To Hate is easier than to Try not to Love.

So why try not to love?
Just ask those one-sided lovers and secret admirers, and you'll know the reason.

So if you don't wanna fall for someone, simply hate them. It's easier, and it always work!
Wahahahaha.... :D

+ 0Ne t|Ny gEsTuRe, a SwEEt m0mEnT +

2006-10-05T23:59:00.000+08:00

Sometimes, things happen, for a reason.
Sometimes, things do Not happen, also for a reason.

This is what I have always strongly believed in.

And today proved how very true it is.

Somehow this morning, for an unknown reason, this someone just happened to rammage through her heap of luggage and happened to get hold of a piece of paper. And somehow, from that piece of paper, she happened to register what today had meant to me. And then, for another unknown reason, out of so many people, she only happened to reveal it to this one person who, by saying the two common words which anyone else could have said, would have the greatest impact on me. And even so, this person said it to me under the most unsuspecting, most unanticipated tiny gesture, which doubled the impact on my memory.

Why had all these happened? If one can link all these things that happened to happen, then, it doesn't just happened to happen. They had happened for a reason. And we can only account that reason to Fate. Fate itself is a miracle. What It has in store for us, we won't ever know. It will simply happen.

Just like today in another incident, for no reason, or for some unknown reason, i rejected a few invitations. Given some other day, I would have gladly obliged. But no, not today. No idea why. Then, this another someone came along, and revealed something about a mid-life crisis. And suddenly, I know that reason why i had rejected my own dates.
My time today, was made for this person. And I did. Why? I don't know. I just did.

Surprises are only meant for the innocent, for they alone know how to appreciate the true spirit of it.

I started today without high expectation. And today ended uneventfully. Yet, the amount of sweetness and meaning i gathered in this day, is comparable to the other 22 times of the same special day of my life.

Still a special beautiful day.

+ TrAns|t|0n Per|0d +

2006-09-16T16:12:00.000+08:00

Finally, I've spoken.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
People always say, to cherish your school life as much as possible, because when you start working, you'll start missing your school life.

Hmm... How true is that? We will ask.

Then they will say, you will know once you start working.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
And so, seven weeks after I signed my name onto that Letter of Appointment, six weeks after I started working, one month and a half after i declared that place as my second home, perhaps I am a little fit enough to comment a bit on the above statement.

Seriously speaking, I do enjoy working.

True, I enjoyed schooling. I enjoyed taking my own sweet time to lessons, and then barging into the class feeling stupid and then straining my neck attentively for any tips on the upcoming quizzes. I enjoyed dozing off during lectures and then suddenly came wide awake when the lecturer announced this big portion of the notes is not included in exams. I enjoyed snuggling up to my friends in my warm pink huge winter coat which i call "Pinkie" and whispering my previous encounters with some cuties and chong chong and dong dong to them while they were furiously taking down notes in lectures. I enjoyed the bazaars and events and free lunches held occasionally in school. I enjoyed eating hot steamy deep-fried fish thin beehoon soup and jiao zi with my buddy during cold rainy days. I enjoyed rushing reports and rushing frantically from one end of the school to another to settle whatever issue that came up.

And I miss it all. But in a way, I do not wish to stay that way forever. Life consists of many stages, and the schooling stage is one of them. I enjoyed it fully, at least for the past six years, during which a large part of my character was developed. A way which i can call is Me. Of course there is still a LOT for me to learn and grow into, but at least Me took a bit of shape during these past few years. I guess the main reason why I totally loved the past six years and find it so memorable, is due to the thing that i most enjoyed doing, just being Me. I was glad I was given a chance to find Me, develop, and eventually given the chance to be a proper Me. I don't know if anyone can understand this whole chunk, but being myself is a simple thing that i didn't have the privilege of doing long time ago.

But as it is, the schooling stage has ended for me. Perhaps in future I might still go back to the books again, but the whole experience will be entirely different. I had cherished and will always love my school days.

Yes, Life moves on. The next stage shall be the working stage i presume. I've moved on, but there will always be a transitional period in between every stage to adapt to the new environment. For the first two weeks into working, I had nightmares almost every night, all of the same ending: I would wake up flustered, and then trying to remember whether my convocation had been all a dream, or am i really in the working world now? Am I waking up to go to school or go to work? I was so afraid to wake up and find myself having to go to school in the morning. I was so afraid I would wake up and find myself still a student and that I still have to go for exams; that would really be horrifying, because i havent touched the notes since a long time ago. I felt i had lost touched with books.

It would be contradicting to say i enjoyed my schoollife, and yet still be terrified at the thought of going back to school as a student. Indeed, this is not unusual at all, considering the immense stress I was under especially for the final year in Uni. I love the rushing for deadlines, I love the the cramming of information in a foot thick of notes into my brain during the night just before the exams. But I was afraid of the end results. I was afraid I could not get the required grades to pass, I was afraid I could not achieve the goals i had set for myself. I have to say, a lot had to be accredited to Luck. And therefore, having been lucky thus far, I hope not to go through it again. Once is enough. Twice is too much. Because my motto in Uni was "Luck never come twice", and true it was.

Perhaps that was another reason why till now, i enjoyed working. I am freed from that kind of stress, and I am more recovered to myself again. Of course, another contradiction. I said I had been Me for the past few years, so how can I be more recovered? Well, to be more precise, the very STRESSED Me showed up for the final year. I frowned more and stayed away from socializing because I prefer to spend more of my time on notes and my close friends rather than spending the time to get to know more friends all over again.

And now, being freed from that, I am more Me again. And to my own surprise, I'm totally alright with dining with five persons, one of whom I had only known for one month, and the rest totally strangers. This is something which I had not done/experienced since 2 years ago. This is like, SOooo ME lo! hahaha.... Eh, but still, please don't go around dragging me to meet new friends. Remember, once is enough, twice is too much! Hahaha... Aww.. Whatever.

Anyway, the comparison between schooling and working shall be done in due course, not now. But it is now time to sit down and address a question properly. A question which everyone will ask themselves at some point of time, and a question which i would always ask myself everytime I enter a new environment.

Do I remain Myself, and show everyone who I am?
Or do I hold back a bit of myself, and let the droning of the environment conform me?

Something struck me suddenly yesterday, and I felt I had to address this question, and solve it fast. I enjoyed schooling, and I enjoyed working. But there is something very different between both that is very disturbing. And I finally came to this conclusion.
In school, i can be choose my friends, and show my true self. At work, i observed that it seems wrong to show your Self. To say it simply, in school, everyone is free to show their true selves to each other and anyone they want. At work, everyone seems to be holding back a lot of themselves. How do I justify my words? I don't know. This is just a feeling and intuition that I got.

Of course, one may say I'm rushing, that it takes time for people to warm up to others, that because i only know them for six weeks, there's no need to be close friends too fast. But what I observed is not how their attitude towards me, but more of their attitude towards each other in general, me excluded. I can understand if people hold back themselves from me, but from each other? Who have worked together for at least half a year or one? Is this really their character or not?

To put it even simplier, it feels as if everyone is just Colleagues to each other. Nothing more.

Is that really how it should be? That there is no thing such as Friends in a working place? To spend ten hours each day together and still not reaching to a stage called Friends? Isn't it something pathetic?

Then it goes down to that question. Do I still insist being myself, and then increase the risk of being 'harmed' in the future? Or do I start my defense now?

That's pretty silly, because my policy has always been that, that more you defend, the more people want to attack you. That's probably one reason why till now, I havent really been attacked, because everyone already knows how stupid I am, whyfore should they attack me? Waste resources only. Muahaha....

But then, now this concerns my livelihood. What to do? What should I do?

Hmm...

I think by the end of this entry, I would have come up with a solution. And perhaps I already did. But I shan't say. Anyone who is patient enough to read every word till this point, would have guessed my solution.

But whatever, I think I will still bid my time to Grow Up, in the sense of behaving n thinking like what most working people do.

After all old habits die hard.

For example, I can never learn to process my thoughts before shooting them outta my mouth and end up getting into trouble.
Even if i do process my thoughts, I can never learn to sift what to say and what not to say, and end up saying the wrong things at the wrong time to the wrong person.

And I can never learn to make a right decision within a time as short as finish writing one blog entry.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Munchie! ^^

+ HARASSED +

2006-08-27T15:17:00.000+08:00

KAOZ!!
HOW CAN ANYONE MINDING THEIR OWN BUSINESS IN THEIR OWN HOMES EVER GET HARASSED!?!?!?!?!??!

I DON'T KNOW WHAT IS THAT CALLED.
MENTAL HARASSMENT? PSYCHOLOGICAL HARASSMENT?

WHATEVER!! I'M SO SO SO SO SO BLOODY PISSED AND FURIOUS NOW!!

ALL IDIOTIC MEN OUT THERE WITH NOTHING BETTER TO DO BUT HARASS PEOPLE IN THEIR OWN HOMES ALL DAY LONG
GO
DIE
NOW!!!

+ o0pS! +

2006-08-14T22:26:00.000+08:00

00ps! I did it again.

Sighs.... Yes, I'm beaten down flat out AGAIN! And i definitely did not ask for it.

How did it happen? Why pick on just me?
Thanks man, for showing me how stupid I am. Does it please you that much?

I know I'm dumb. I know I'm slow.
But I'm trying.
Hard.
I really am!

At least, give me some time to prove that I can do it.
I really want to do it.
And do it well.

I know I'm stupid, but come on, keep the challenges coming.
I hope you keep it coming on and on.

I know I will take a long time.
But I hope, even if it's Infinity later, that there will be a day when I can finally take it up and beat it flat down.

Then you can laugh all you want.

+ sAy +

2006-08-06T00:46:00.000+08:00

'Say, one day you wake up, and you realize that all that had happened in the past 20 years is actually just a dream. What would you do?'

This was just a passing notion I had one day, and I thought of asking my friends about it.
And it was a wonder to see the interesting initial responses by each individual, due to different perspectives, and even different intepretations.

"See if i like what i was then, or maybe will do what i really should have since i can learn from that dream....."

"Carry on with the current life after the dream. Reality is after all reality for us to continue living......"

"I would be in a total loss and feel helpless. I will try to find out what in reality happened to the 20 years when i am asleep........"

"Maybe at that very very moment when i know that, i may just cry. Mixed emotions. If those happy things that happened in 20 years are just a dream, isn't it rather sad.....?"

"I will feel lost. But then life goes on... who knows... maybe this reality you woke up to is just another dream again......"

"I will do nothing. It's just a dream. So just carry on living as per normal......"

"You mean i'll be asleep for so long......?"

"I think i'll be quite sad and lost. But after that i'll still live as normal, and keep the dream as memory......"

Some answers led me to lots of laughter, while some set me thinking. But actually none of these answers are crappy or whatever. In fact i find all of them good answers. Because my friends really thought through this question, and gave me answers that came from the very bottom of their hearts, which i appreciate a lot. Because some people might dismiss me as being crazy or don't even bother to entertain me. But these friends actually took the trouble to give it some thought, and actually tell me what they think. And some even went into deep discussions about it with me! Really thank you!

For those who know me well, they will know that every now and then, i'll pop questions that are quite neither here nor there(of course, the ideas usually pop into my head from out of nowhere too, thats why the questions are neither here nor there |pun intended| haha). Which is also why there will often be many ways to intepret those questions.
For those who just got to know me, well, there's more questions like this to come! Hahaha...

Anyway, for me, at that very moment, I will feel lost too. But after that, I will probably feel relieved. After all, it's a 20 years worth of lessons to learn, and decisions to be made. All the 'lessons learnt' and 'decisions made' in the dream, shall allow me more wisdom in living my current life. All the sadness in the dream will help me grow, and all the happiness in that dream, shall always be part of my memory. It's like having a second chance at Life again, even if it's 2 totally different lives.

One of these friends commented that it was as if he had always been living in a dream. Everything seems unreal. But to me, there seems no difference. Life is but a dream. So long as you live the way you want it to be, it doesn't really matter if you are living in a dream or reality, isn't it?

Sometimes, it's really a wonder how Fate works. Many a times, in the most unexpected situation, the most unexpected will happen. So much so that the unexpected become expected
(probability expectation: UNExpected multiply by UNExpected = Expected. UN is cancelled out).

Perhaps it's really true how the saying goes: In every dire situation, an opportunity arise.
It is only up to Fate if that opportunity is meant for you to grab, or it is meant to simply fall into your hands.

But then again, even when Fate has it that the opportunity falls freely into your hands, it is still up to you to hold it properly and not lose it. So in the end, it is still up to you to use it WISELY.

And therefore it is up to me. Even when I am very scared. Really very scared. But I can not, will not and shall not give up.

G00d luck to me!!

PS: This entry contains more than one topic, so apology if the words don't link.
PPS: Any feedback to the above question in the very 1st line is very welcome.
Disclaimer: The equation of "probablity expectation" is not taken from any printed textbooks and is wholly based on my own theory, aka CRAP lah!

+ F0rMa| wEaR +

2006-08-02T19:13:00.000+08:00

Why do I dislike wearing formal wear?

Firstly, because I have to stand and sit up straight!
Secondly, because the cloth material for office wear is too "unbreatheable"! Long sleeves, not breatheable, plus the hot weather makes me sweat till......
C00l on the outside, but 'raining' in the inside!
Thirdly, i have to wear court shoes with formal wear. Yes, they give me BLISTERS!!! Ouch!
Fourthly, they are expensive. Sobz..

But lastly, and most importantly, they are a facade to me. The main reason why I am not comfortable in formal wear is because whenever i put on formal wear, i give most people a wrong impression of confidence, maturity and wisdom, which is particularly useful during presentations. (But of course, once I speak, the facade will be shattered)

The fact that I write the above down is precisely because i am not trying to brag!
Because in reality, I am not confident. I am not mature. And I am definitely not wise!

And I certainly do not like people to think that I am a clever and confident girl only to tell me a few months later after knowing me that how much mistaken they were! (Even though they do not mean it to be a sneer)

I just want to say, how I look or whatever impression I give whilst wearing formally and behaving formally is totally unintentional. I have always tried to show the true me via my actions, words, behaviours. How I look, is totally beyond my control. Because i can't see myself.

Perhaps the day when i am able to say that i am comfortable wearing formal wear, when I am comfortable giving people the right impression of confidence and maturity, will be the day when I am truly, inside and out, a confident person. =)

+ tW0 s0re FeeT, l0ts 0f w|zArDs, aNd a bUnCh 0f f|0weRs +

2006-07-28T22:31:00.000+08:00

Actually, today isn't a very special day for me. Even though this is supposed to be a mark, a proof of what i had sow all these years. But it isn't very anticipated. After all, it started with a rainy weather.

Somehow, i found it rather hard to smile, when everyone around was smiling. I just had a neutral feeling about everything. And on top of it, i felt lost. Everyone was busy grabbing friends for photo shooting.
I'll stand around and try not to get into people's way.

I didn't want to go in too early, because i didn't want to miss any friends whom i know might come along. Luckily, i still managed to take photos with the few friends whom i wanted to take. My faithful friend tuck a few strands of my messy fringe under the mortar board and said,"
Smile! You should smile widely!" I simply told her," I feel very lost."

So she accompanied me in, looked for the place to take attendance, looked for my seat number, waited for me to collect my attendance card. And after joining up with a few other friends and engaging in a few more and merrier phototaking sessions, she and another friend suddenly
presented me with a bunch of flowers!! Oh! That was really sweet and thoughtful of them! My very FIRST bunch of FRESH flowers in my WHOLE life!!

"So what?" my mother laughed. "Your first bunch is not even from a guy!"

So? Who cares?

So long as it's from someone who really cares! I'm more than glad to receive it from my good old girlfriends! Yes, much more than glad. I'm overjoyed and grateful! Thank you lots girls!
You don't know just HOW MUCH those flowers brightened up my day! I really love it!

Then I went in, get seated, and simply waited for the ceremony to begin. And begin, it did.

Suddenly, all my professors whom i had seen and never seen before marched smartly in. All dressed in cute, artistic and colouful robes.
There was one lady who "glided" up the stage before the others, her robe billowing behind her.

Suddenly, I saw Hogwarts.

If one took no notice of what we were wearing on our head, I saw all of us sitting there, dressed in wizarding robes. It was like at the end of the year in Hogwarts, when everyone came together to be addressed by the teachers. There, I saw Professor Dumbledore, in his dark purple robes, taking his seat right in the middle. Then one professor, i can't remember his name, he was dressed in blue. He had a meek expression, and he immediately reminded me of Professor Quirrell.

Where is Professor Snape, I wondered. Scanning the stage to look for one resembling him. But too bad, no one looked as sinister as him. Therefore i concluded he had returned to Lord Voldemort's side to continue his spying.
But all in all, I saw lots of wizards, and us, lots of young witches and wizards! It was so CUTE! It was a dream come true! With my obsession in Harry Potter fantasy, and suddenly i find myself immensed in it! Wearing oversized robes that billow behind me if i walked faster! Hahaha.. Okay, call it self-entertainment in the midst of boredom. Though it really worked. Never underestimate the power of Imagination!

After the ceremony, hahhaa.. the best part. Something which my friends and I had a habit to do during our school days. BUFFET!!! NICE f00d!!! G00d food!!! FOOD!!! Hahaha... That's right! Dinner provided by our school. That's what they are best in anyway.. hehez.. And all the going around and grabbing and hugging friends and professors to have a chat with them one final time. This time, I really smiled and laughed heartily.

But sadly enough, though there were many tables, there was no chair. Imagine me trotting around in a 3 inches high heels the whole night. What do you get? Yes. A pair of sore feet! Diaozzzz......

In the cab home, my parents were complaining about the fact that during the ceremony, the looooong ceremony, when the only short moment when I was to walk on stage, and they were about to take a picture of me, two marshallers stood RIGHT in front of the camera! For the whole 2 hours, NO one in front did as much as MOVED. But the moment my name was called, the two marshallers came and stood right in front. My dad tried to shoo them away, but to no avail. Finally they walked away, just at the moment i was about to step OFF the stage.

Hahaha.. Is this coincidence? No. I call it Fate. It was fated that I will not have a picture of my "triumph", shaking hands with the Dean(Dumberdore). But it's alright. In the end I was the one consoling my parents. Hahahaha... But really, I did not feel any resentment or disappointment. As i already said earlier today, i felt very neutral. Today is not a special day. So what does it matter if i had a photo of me shaking the Dean's hand?

But just before the cab reached my home, i made a conclusion of today.

I had done what i had expected to and wanted to do. I had taken photos with the friends and professors I had wanted to take with. I had seen some friends whom I believed will be the last time I'm seeing them. Except for one thing. Remember i once had an entry during the exams times, when my graduation was very uncertain. http://starlightdream.blogspot.com/2006/04/sprt.html

I once said I hoped to take that photo with him, so that I can make a perfect ending for the four years of Uni life. Now, I had managed to graduate on time. With him. But still, I did not manage to have that photo. Perhaps it was really meant to be, or meant not to be.
Nevertheless, I am content. Sometimes, it is the imperfection that makes things perfect.

Because after all, nothing in this world is perfect.

And what's more, I have already received 3 bonuses in one day today.

Two sore feet, lots of wizards, and a bunch of flowers!
^^

+ pSyCho|oG|ca| wARfArE +

2006-07-20T21:42:00.000+08:00

Men. Beware.
You may win in physical Combat.
But psychological wise, alas! My pity.
Not a combat of cunningness.
Not a combat of mind's strength.
Yet, a combat of both.
Women win. They do.

Men. Beware.
The Master.
the greatest of all.
Is yet to come!

+ nEw a|M +

2006-07-08T23:14:00.000+08:00

Okay I admit. I'm a n00b with photoshop, html, and anything with computers... Therefore, after hours of fiddling with photoshop, I gave up and revert back to what I'm better (not best) at.
Muahhahaa.... Shhhh......
But honestly, I did the banner by myself(not using photoshop lah!). Nice? Heez, I know primary school kids can do this too.. But so? I already said I'm a n00b! :P

Two months ago, my short term aim in Life was to graduate this year. Granted. ^^
Today, I found a new short term aim.
I wouldn't say it is something very good. But then again, it will not be that bad either. And when that happens, something shall disappear from this Earth....

Something.... or someone....

Eeek... sounds rather creepy hoh? Well, then don't talk about it anymore... It hasn't come true yet anyway! :D

Yup! This collage consists of a few of my favourite photos from my recent trip to Beijing. As I've said, I'm gonna leave my footprints round the globe! Therefore I've decided, the layout will permanently stay something like this. And I will change the banner whenever I've stepped foot on another place...

Hopefully s00n! ^^

+ tHe p0wEr oF fAm|LY t|eS +

2006-07-04T20:20:00.000+08:00

This is the first time i felt the warmth of relatives relationships.
Very touched.
Yesterday, we made a trip down to my cousin, Cousin Zhen's house to borrow her convo robes. When we reached, only my aunt and uncle were at home, because my cousin was off to see the doctor. While waiting, we did some catching up.

After a while, Cousin Hiang, the elder brother of Cousin Zhen, reached home. We chatted for a bit.. Upon hearing that i'm still looking for a job, he immediately told me to ask Zhen later if her company has any vacancy since he refered to her job as an "easy job with high pay".
That was really nice of him to suggest that. Really thank him for his enthusiasm, though i wasn't too sure since my specialization was totally different from Cousin Zhen's field.

Then my Aunt added on, asking me to go to Waterloo Street more often to pray for blessings and for my job-searching to go more smoothly, and some other small tips on job-searching. So sweet of her for giving me the advices. People may say all these are superstitions or common knowledges, but it's really these small little gestures that counts! Really thank her for it! And probably if i have the chance, i'll put her advices to practice! hahaha...

Then Cousin Zhen reached home. We chatted a bit, and when she knew that I'm still jobless, without any cue from Cousin Hiang, she straight away asked me to send her my resume to her to forward to her company's HR, though she also wasn't sure if i even stand a chance because of the different nature in our specializations. But nevertheless she still asked me to try.

SO NICE OF HER!!!! She is so helpful! Her family are so helpful!!

Now i suddenly feel the wonders of family ties... the thickness of blood relations... Even though we may just see each other maybe for twice or thrice a year, whenever someone needs help, our family, including all out relatives, will always rush to help! So touched!

I know for some people, towards family or friends, they will only know that you are in this situation, and knowing is enough. They will just sit by and see how you get out of it. By yourself. Or some will even avoid you, fearing that you would approach them for help. Or some will just say they will help, but in reality, drag and drag and then hope you forget about it.

But for my cousins and their family, no, they did not. They approached me to help me instead! They are so helpful and warm and kind! May they be blessed!

Anyway, today, now, i just sent Cousin Zhen my resume. It was after office hours, so I thought maybe she will read my mail tomorrow then see what she can do to help me. And off I went for dinner.

Ten minutes later, I checked my mailbox. I received an email from her.
It was a bcc-ed copy of an email she sent to her HR, to recommend me.

See? Instant response. The power of family ties.
A kind heart is behind it all.

+ k|dS AgA|n +

2006-06-29T21:47:00.000+08:00

How would you define a good kid and a bad kid?
This is a question which i finally come up with after gathering many many instances from people whom i believed that, once this question is solved, will benefit many people.

Sidetrack just for your infomation:
Like for a scientist, most of the time, he'll have an idea popped up, a theory formed, THEN he'll do extensive research and experiment to prove his theory. Seldom will there be a theory formed out of observing many failed experiments, though that's how aeroplanes came out. The theory of Aerodynamics are formed out of the many experiments by the Wright Brothers.

Anyway, back to the kids topic. How would one define a good kid?

From the societal level, in the past, the most an average parent would hope from his kid to be good, was for him not to get into bad company, not getting into unnecessary fights, not stealing/robbing/taking drugs, and if he would finish his education properly and find a job with a stable income and start a family, that would be a bonus.

Now, from my observations, a kid who merely refuses to finish his homework after school, and/or watch tv all day, and/or rebut his parents' nags or lecturings, but otherwise is a well-behaved kid in school and/or in public, is labelled a very naughty, or, "Bad kid".

Is that really so? Just because a kid doesn't follow "the rules", they are bad?

How about another kid who is very filial, do all his homework, helps out with housework, listens and behaves himself before his parents, never letting them worry for him, but in school, he cheats during tests, bully others, get into fights, schemed against others, being rude to anyone and not behaving properly in public.

How is he labelled then?

Reducing the scope to family level of nowadays, further simplifying, a kid who is well-behaved in school, in public, but is rude only to his parents and doesn't, and never want to do as they told him to? Vice versa, a filial and well-behaved kid in front of his parents, but create havoc once out of his house, out of his parents' sight?

In another case, a kid follows every rule there is in the legal law, every rule written in the school booklet, do everything he is told, but he does everything half-heartedly, thus most of the times, things don't turn out right. So is he still a good kid?

Do not think that the above descriptions are purely examples out of a concept. Nope. There are real-life people whom I know are like these, maybe even including myself.

I know, in the bible and many other religious teachings, cultural teachings, there will always be a number rule to being a good kid: Being filial, not letting your parents worry for you.

Now on a personal level, do you think you are a good kid?
Getting good grades, doing everything they told you to, staying at home everyday so that they will not worry about you creating havoc or turning bad outside, not talking back to them? Is that all? Is that really all it takes to be labelled "Good kid"?

So does it include showing concern for them, sharing their problems or happiness, bonding?

I had a friend who once told me, he did everything he was expected to do as an obedient kid. He stayed at home everyday, had all his meals at home, run errands for his parents and keep his own room. But he felt he was a bad son, because he hardly ever communicate with his parents. Instead, he felt his brother was a better son. His brother went out almost every day till very late night. But at times he would accompany his parents overseas or shopping.
So who is the good kid, and who is the bad kid?

Another friend, he always had good grades, and at times when his parents had any doubts or need any troubleshooting, they would consult him and he would always share his views and good advice. But otherwise he would either play computer games whole day, or go out with his friends, making his parents worry for his health many a times. But overall he had a better relationship with his parents than his sister had. His sister always stayed at home and helped with the housework and the errands. But she always quarrelled with her parents, upsetting them a lot.
So now, in this case, who is the good kid, and who is the bad kid?

Out of all the instances given above, what can you conclude? Do not tell me that to be a good kid, just do all the good conducts mentioned and throwing away all vices. Because no one is perfect. Though I've known one to be like that, but generally, no one can achieve that.

So can anyone tell me, what is the definition of being a good kid and a bad kid?

+ FaCt oR CrAp? +

2006-06-21T13:30:00.000+08:00

Natural body fats are said to keep bodies warm. So why are some fat people still afraid of the cold, or feels cold easily?

Conclusion: Two reasons why people feel cold.
Either they have no fats, or they have big pores.
:D

+ sTaRs c0uNt|inG +

2006-06-09T16:19:00.000+08:00

On the plane, midnight,
Mrs Li woke up from her sleep and saw her son who was sitting by the window, still awake.

Mrs Li: Son, why aren't you sleeping yet? We have a long day ahead.
Son: Mum, I'm counting stars.
Mrs Li (leans over and peers out of the window for 1 second) : So dark, can see meh? Go and sleep now lah. Tomorrow when the sun is out then count lo....
Son: .............

+ hEaRt bRoKeN +

2006-06-07T08:25:00.000+08:00

I look beyond the window. Dark clouds fill the sky. Wind, from all directions. Very strong wind. Cold. Icy cold. Something... bad... is going to happen, yet i know, elsewhere out of this place, another person will be enjoying great fine weather. This... bad... something, will only happen to me, and me only.

Now I remember. When one gains something, he loses another. Falls only on me. How can I forget that? I can never have the best of both worlds.

Pushing against the door, I step out. Rain has fallen, but I do not feel droplets. As if a dam somewhere has broken, a huge wave of water sweeps upon me, drenching and chilling me right to the deepest of my bones, and soul. And I hear cracking sounds. Many. Soft and Loud. And suddenly, loud chinking sounds, as if a basket of beads has dropped, the beads bouncing and rolling on the floor.

Trembling, I wait, as the sound of the last bead bounces to a stop... Tut, tut, tut....... In the midst of the chills, something warms my face. And with the hot tears flowing down my cheeks, I look at the floor. Nothing is there, yet, vaguely, it is as if i see, millions of tiny pieces of..... a heart. Yes, all these tiny pieces seem to make up a heart. But whose heart?

Involuntarily, my hand places itself to the left of my chest.... a sour feeling, a little achy, and then nothing. It is a void. Then I realise, spewed all over the floor of my mind, is millions of bits and pieces, of my heart.

A broken, a shattered heart.

+ ReSuRReCt|oN +

2006-06-06T12:34:00.000+08:00

Ever since i was crashed by Reinforced Concrete, I've been hovering around, as my body lies in the intensive care unit, fighting for breaths. And i was waiting for the Judgement Day to see if I can return to my body. Unfortunately, no one knows when that Day is.

Until yesterday, while i was floating above a dog trying to make it see me, i heard a voice
called, "Hey gal!"

I turned, and many other souls, male and female, turned too.

"No, not you all! YOU!" my friend pointed his finger right at me.

"Yea guy! Wassup?" I inquired, mindful of the others, whose eyes remained fixed on him anyway, eager to hear what he wished to say to me.

"What are you still doing here? The Scroll has come! Hurry up and let's find out!"

THE SCROLL! The scroll that decides our Fate!

"Really!? It's the~~"
*WHOOSH!* Suddenly a strong gush of wind flew past and i was caught in the turbulences and eddy currents with my hair all over my face. When i finally untangled all my hair and looked properly around, everyone was gone! All of them must have dashed to the arena for the judgement of the Scroll, and in the process dragging my friend along! P00r guy... He told me before he wished to be the last to know his judgement.

Well, since everyone was fighting to be the first to know, the arena must be very congested. I might as well take my time. It's either I'm returning to the mortal world, or going up as angel, or going down as...... (taboo). Therefore knowing I won't remain in this World of Uncertainty, I visited Moaning Mytle in Hogwarts, then the Black Mountains for Xiao Qian, and bade farewell to Casper, before being on my way.

As soon as it seemed, it was my turn. As I knelt before the Scroll, I was so nervous i was almost knocked out cold! A voice boomed, " ABRAACCCABRRRBBACABRACRACABARA...... As it is, I declared you..... LIVE!"

OMG!! What did I hear?? What did it say?? The world suddenly spinned and all the memories of my life flashed past me and.... AND.....

"Why do you take SO LONG? I've been waiting for ages!"

Huh? I opened my eyes and saw my friend who had informed me of the arrival of the Scroll, folding his arms and looking very pissed. "Come ON! Don't fall into a daze! Let's go seek out the others!" And he started walking, dragging me along.

"Are... are you an angel now or am I a.....?" I still can't believe my eyes.

"What? You are a HUMAN! We've all been resurrected! GET IT!?"

OH! WE've ALL BEEN RESURRECTED!!! GOODNESS! THANK YOU HEAVENS and all of you who had blessed me and all of us with LUCK! I CAN'T GIVE THANKS ENOUGH!! This is so amazing!!

I'M FINALLY BACK ALIVE!!!!! WE WON THE WAR!!!! W00H00!!! :D

+ dEsT|nY +

2006-06-03T12:31:00.000+08:00

The choices we make, mark our Destiny.

Long ago, when Harry Potter first came to Hogwarts, the Sorting Hat told him, given his abilities, he would have done well in Slytherin as much as he would in Gryffindor. Yet Harry kept asking the Hat to put him in Gryffindor. As such, he was granted his wish.

However, along the way, he was quite bothered by it. Did he ever make the wrong choice? Was the Sorting Hat right, that he really should belong to Slytherin? Especially when he saw in himself some qualities that were in Lord Voldemort, who was in Slytherin?

But in one instance, Professor Dumbledore asked him, "Why then, did the Sorting Hat place you in Gryffindor?"

"Because I asked it to."

"Exactly! It is not out of ability that shows what we truly are, it is our choices."

There you are. Harry could have done well, in different ways, both in Slytherin or in Gryffindor. But he CHOSE Gryffindor. And that made the difference. And that made his Destiny. And that, made him a TRUE Gryffindor.

There is another drama that i caught recently. This man, he was a promising young doctor, excellent in his medical skills. In his greed for wealth, he became a businessman. And surprisingly, he was a very successful one. Now, he had the brains for being a doctor, and he had the flair for being a businessman too. He could do well in either. Who would tell him what is his destiny to be, a doctor, or a businessman?

His destiny lies in his choice. If he chose to be a doctor, he will be a famous doctor. If he chose to be a businessman, he will make a successful businessman. And that would be his destiny.

One week ago, like Harry, I also faced 2 paths out of my abilities, the paths that would lead me to my Destiny. And, many odds against me, I'd made my choice. Was it a wrong one or not, it no longer matters. What matters is, what will go on from here?

Everything that depends on Destiny, Fate, Me.

+ f00d? +

2006-05-31T21:06:00.000+08:00

Does this look nice??
Can anyone guess what's inside??

Disclaimer: No prizes for correct guesses.

and what is this??

+ tHe iNf|uEnCe oF Da Chang Jin +

2006-05-31T17:23:00.000+08:00

One afternoon, in the kitchen, Mum prepares for dinner,

me: Ma, do you think the actress in Da Chang Jin are really so powerful that they can chop their food so fast or do your think it's actually other people's hands?
the kid(chorus): Ooo Na Ra Oooooooo Na Ra....
me(joins in the chorus): A Du Ooo Laaa....
mum: Of course it's for real. All of them undergo training before they start shooting this film, or that's the way how they really cook lo...
me: oh.. so can you chop fast fast too?
mum: Like this lo... (chops very fast)
me & the kid(in high pitch): Ooo Na Ra Oooooooo Na Ra A Du Ooo Laaa....
me: Shall we visit Korea next time? Then we can eat real Korean food!
mum: Can... But seriously i don't think their food will taste nice to me. Everything is stirred up till so.... Nice meh?
me: Hmmm.... Ooo Na Ra....
the kid joins in: Oooooooo Na Ra A Du Ooo Laaa.... Ka Ta Ra Kaaa Ta Ra A Ku Da Raaaa....
me & the kid(in super high pitch): A Na Ni Aaaaaa~~
dad(suddenly out of nowhere): Oei! People wanna sleep lah! So inconsiderate! And you always complain that people are too noisy when you sleep!
me & the kid & mum: Oops!
mum: Carry on sleeping now lo...
dad: Can't sleep already lah.
And he turns on the tv and loud volume,
TV(advertisement): OOO NA RA OOOOoooo NA RA A DU OOO LAAAaaa....

dad: -.-!!

+ tHe mAssACrE oF tHe c0cKr0aCheS +

2006-05-26T13:30:00.000+08:00

I noticed a disturbing sign just now. Out of nowhere, a big cockroach appeared in my living room, and it walked one whole round before my father sprayed at it with a can of pesticide. Initially i thought pesticide is for plants and won't be as effective as insecticide. But nope! seems like it's really effective! hahaha...

Then half an hour later, i went downstairs to run an errand. And guess what?! The moment the lift door opened at the first storey, before i can even step out of the lift, i saw DEAD COCKROACHES lying all around the lobby! Not one, not two, BUT ELEVEN!!!! Yea i counted them coz i was too overwhelmed. Almost got a shock. I'm beginning to sense something wrong... Then i walked on through many void decks to get my things done. And what do i see? More dead cockroaches! And they are mostly concentrated at the lift lobbies, though there are a few spewed across the open spaces in the void decks. When i passed by a household, those kind that is on the 1st storey type, i smell insecticide. It could mean that, like mine, a cockroach had just visited them. As i passed the drains, a few cockroaches are moving around too. Right in broad daylight! This errand trip, I walked a longer than usual route, because i have to keep going around in circles to avoid dead n alive cockroaches. Imagine seeing more than 20 cockroaches, dead and alive, in one go? Ultra disgusted.

What happened? Why are so many cockroaches out in the streets in broad daylight? And most of them are dead? Are the nests suddenly wiped out? But that would not be an easy feat, because it would mean wiping out nests at different locations at the same time! And what caused the wipe out? Poisoning? Disease? the professional Insect-killer? What day is this in the lunar calendar? Is today a special day? Is it the weather? I heard that when many insects are killed together in one day, some supernatural forces are involved? Or is a great catastrophe going to happen? Earthquake? Flood?
What?

+ hE|p|Ess +

2006-05-25T22:37:00.000+08:00

Sometimes i really wonder... Now I know... I'm actually such a senseless, or nonsensical, bitch in the eyes of many. I'm a saneless, act cute buay cute, brainless old hag trying to behave or look juvenile, who always complains about everything around me and criticise anything i can get my eyes on and whines about all the stuffs that gets on my nerves.. and not to forget, an extremely easily irritable emotionally unbalanced female who would not think on both sides of things and can only see things narrowly from that tiny one point of view.

Sigh... When i voice my opinions on some subjects, obviously i know what's the big picture and what is and what is not. Obviously i know the whole world is not like how i said. Of course i know what i've pointed out is only the minority. Does one expect me to rattle out a whole GP essay before I point out that small insignificant point of mine? Am i expected to repeat that essay every time i want to add on to my tiny point? It's precisely everyone knows about the general view and the facts, that's why i intentionally omit it out when i voice out a small point against it. Why is it called a general view? Because everyone knows it! Since everyone knows it, why should i repeat it? But somehow, people will start thinking that I'm so prejudiced that i fail to look at the big picture and that i generalized the whole population by my words, by that small point because i thought it to be so logical. Sigh... Must i repeat myself? Obviously i know there are still many different kinds of view on the same subject. Obviously i know there are still many kinds of people better than those i've pointed out. Obviously i know what i've pointed out is only a small tiny instance which the sampling rate may not even be significant enough to make any conclusion. Obviously i know it can even be an isolated and random incident on its own. Why can't people even trust my sanity, my judging, or even thinking abilities? Am i really that brainless to them?

Indeed, i may appear insane at times. I may sound babbling nonsenses at times. Well, I admit. Sometimes i really hope i can be insane and babble gibberish. At least I need not face all these craps. But the truth is, I'm still as sane as ever. If only someone will really sit down and listen properly to what i say. But then, it's another funny thing. Because some actually find me depressing. Sometimes, how a person interpret something actually is dependent on the listener himself. He may hear or read neutral words, but he can interpret them as depressing, or happy, according to his own mood at that point of time. I admit i'm at bit more expressive in my words at times, but most of the words i chose are neutral. I may look or sound explosive, but why can't i lose myself at times? Why should I always be level-headed?(even though at the end of everything i'll still be the level-headed me) But can't I even express myself, or even get overwhelmed by emotions sometimes? I'm not a saint, nor a public figure. I'm just a nobody. I am just me. Even if I drop dead in the busy streets of Orchard Road, no one will notice or even miss me. I can look or sound one emotion, but i'm actually feeling another emotion, which can be totally opposite. This is my way of expressing myself. If people can't understand, i can understand that. So long as i understand myself, it's ok. Because this is all that matters. But if people interpret me as depressing after me letting them on my innermost thoughts, then I'll rather not do that. At least i won't make other people sad, even when i'm not being sad to begin with. People can choose not to listen.

When I'm happy, I'm happy. And I do have my own ways to show that. And I do not do that deliberately. It's just an innate thing. Even i myself may not realise it. To think people, even those very close to me, say i'm acting cute. I know i look older than my age. i know i'm very big sized. i know i should act mature. But does that mean i should control everything i do, everything i am, everything i feel? If so, what's the difference of this from acting cute? Both are putting a facade. For what purpose? I empathsize again; I am not cute, and I do not act cute. Cute is an objective term. Some things that i do, to you it may seem acting cute. If that's the case, then all i can say is, I'm sorry, there's nothing i can do about it. What if i behave in a way which to you is natural and not acting cute, but to some other people I am acting cute? Do i have to change my behaviour again to suit their terms? Or do i behave differently in front of different groups of people so that the groups of people can accept me? That's such a chore. It is not worth it to waste life like this. People, get alive please. Stop living for the sake of living. Stop living for others. Of course, some people are going to say, "Then how? So others are going to suffer on the expenses of you being yourself? By being yourself, you won't spare a thought for others?"

See what i mean? Why can't people trust me? Obviously i do not mean it that way. I trust humanity. I trust that everyone has their own minds that do not need to go to extremities. That's why I do not bother to explain myself. But seems like reality is sometimes more disappointing that you think. In this case, when i say "get alive", i trust that all humans with brains, or even a heart, are able to figure out how to balance the situation of being themselves, but not at the expenses of others. They can start living for themselves, but in a better way where they can express themselves, yet others are able to accept them in spite of their differences.

Pathetic. Do I need to explain myself like this that includes many sides of view every time i wish to make a point? Say, on a blog, I do not have that much of time to sit down and write out a whole GP essay. For your information, I used to take 2 hours to complete a GP essay. Here, I'm typing, meaning i have to use a longer time. How many 2hrs can i afford just to make a point? Even listing out all possible points of view is time consuming. That's why i usually go straight to the point. Say, on msn, it's even worse, because conversation is continuous. the opposite party will not have the patience to wait for you to present so many viewpoints on a case just because you wish to make a point. that's why i always go straight to the point. If you seriously would like to hear my views on some subjects, the best is of course the conventional way. Give me a dial or meet up over a cup of coffee. We can make time for each other and really sit down and discuss upon everything under the sun. Then perhaps, we'll list down all points to all the cases we discussed, and preferably made a clean conclusion to all cases to the benefit of mankind, that everything is dependent on the situation and there is no right or wrong in anything. And isn't this always the case? That's why I do not wish to repeat that conclusion everytime. Because i assume everyone knows that there is nothing certain in life. Everything is dependent. Even Time is relative.

Perhaps the best way for me now is to be a person totally void of all emotions, expressions. Even if i'm bursting with anger, I should still keep my cool else people will start thinking i'm emotionally unbalanced. Even if I am happy, I should not laugh lest people think I'm acting cute. Even if i have some thoughts about stuffs in general, I should still keep them to myself, because some people will find it depressing. I should do everything everyone orders me to, and say and think the way everyone does. It's best if I, and everyone else, can keep their opinions to themselves, unless you want to agree on what the others say. Because no one will appreciate your views anyway. You will only be a pest.

Ah-ha! thought you've caught me don't ya? I'm being extreme over here now. To summarise, I state again. I am not a saint. I can go to extremes too. But all that matters to me is that I know that at the end of everything, i will still balance up my emotions and thoughts and reason myself back to the midpoint i always am. So how does it matter to you? You just have to trust me on that. If you find my words depressing, and it agonises you, perhaps its time to do something. It could be me, and it could be you too. If it's the former, then just stop listening to me. If it's the latter, may you do an emotional check on yourself. I am not cute, and I do not act cute. If you find me an eyesore, i'm afraid that's your own problem then. And last but not least(am i writing a GP essay here?), nothing is certain in this world.

Am I explaining myself here? Oh no... See what I mean? If i have to explain everything point that i say, and bring up more points to prove that, and then explain further on those points, see? Will i ever stop? And I'd already spent four whole hours here. :P

+ n0nG n0nG aG0 +

2006-05-22T23:06:00.000+08:00

Aiyo aiyo aiyoyo!!! Why is June soooo loonnngggg???
This is gonna be the LONGEST May ever! And the hottest too! hahaha....

May has 31 days. Why is it that no matter how much i count the days, it'll always stay so far from June?

Come on June! Come quickly!
I've got soooo much to look forward to in you!

First of all, RESULTS!! My verdict is coming out on the FIRST week!! Go Go go!! Ops! No is Come come COME!! Everything is sooo UNcertain now. The verdict shall decide where I would continue from here. That's why! Come on June! Hurry come! From now till then, my life will be in turmoil! Come save me bah!! hahaha...

Then, I've got TWO events coming up, one in the 1st week, the other in the last week! But hopefully I can get the tix!! Oh man! I really hope i can get it! I'm soooo looking forward to it! hahaha... Come on C0mE 0N!

Then I'm going CHINA! AGAIN! MUAHAhahaha!!! ZZzzzz..... Yea... It's China again... BUT LUCKILY it's not Guangzhou! Hahaha.. this time I'm going BEIJING!!

YAY!! I'm going to sing
"........one night in Peking.... wo liu xia xu duo qing......."
>.<

I wanna eat my favourite Beijing Jiao Zi aka dumplings! Jiao zi jiao zi, jiao zi jiao zi!! I wanna eat Peking duck!! Guess what? I'm so old already, but I've never tried Peking duck before!! AARRGGHH!! All the ducks in Beijing BEWARE!! The evil witch is coming to town!! Hwahwahwa... *evil laughs*

And besides eating, I'll be having lotsa visiting to do!
Hello Panda! I'm coming to see you! Finally! To think I came all the way to Guangzhou for you last year yet all I saw was an empty cage! Now you don't hide from me ok?
And I wanna climb the GREAT WALL! Yes! The GREAT wall!! Hahaha... I wanna see if it's thick enough to trap David Copperfield in when he tried to walk through it!
I wanna go to the Forbidden City to find Huan Zhu Ge Ge! Oops! I forgot she moved to Yunnan Dali already... Ok! Then I'll go visit The Emperor, Lao Fo Ye, Ziwei and Er kang instead bah! I'll visit Huan Zhu Ge Ge and Wu A-Ge in Yunnan next time.
And last but not least, the MAIN aim of this trip, is to visit my BROTHER!!
BRO!! Your pesky sis is coming!! Muahahahaha... We all miss you so much we're gonna fly dunno how many miles to disturb you! lalalalalalala....

And one of these days, I'm gonna catch X-MEN III - THE LAST STAND!!!!

YAY YAY!!!!
U say HEY and I say H0! Yi qi zou bah! Yi qi zou bah!!
TE A GE LO YO TE A GE L0!! Yi qi zou bah!
YI QI ZOU BAH!!
W00h0O!!!

+ |d vs EP +

2006-05-13T13:28:00.000+08:00

Indecisive vs Easily Persuaded

I realised that being indecisive does not mean being easily persuaded.
On the contrary, it may even be opposite. Precisely that one is being indecisive, all the more he is not easily persuaded.

Say given in one situation, on the assumption that neither has any preference prior to the situation, 2 persons, A(a decisive person) & B(an indecisive person), are presented with 2 choices: C & D

Third person E wants to get both A and B to choose choice D. Therefore he tells them the pros and cons of choices C and D, and empathsizes on the advantages of choosing D.

A, being a very decisive person, on hearing of the greater advantage from choosing D, he decided to choose D, and that's it.

B, being a very indecisive person, makes no move yet. Seeing B's hesitation, E proceeded to persuade B on the advantages of choosing D and disadvantages of choosing C. E even spot on B's weakness and used it to further persuade him to choose D.

B, still being very indecisive, decide not to make a choice yet. He does more researches on his own about the 2 choices, taking his own sweet time to juggle the pros and cons of the 2 choices, taking what E said into consideration, and also bearing in mind what he had found out on his own.

E, seeing that B is so indecisive, and getting more indecisive, believes that B is easy prey, and that sooner or later, with further persuasion from him, B will choose choice D.

But in the end, what B chose will be what he decided is the best for himself.

I will not say which choice is the better of the two, nor reveal what B eventually choose.

I just want to say:
A, being a decisive person, will judge things based on what he heard there and then. Given the limited information for consideration, he would naturally choose what seems the best at that instant. Which is not a bad thing except that he is more easily persuaded than B.

B, being indecisive, will take a long time to weigh the pros and cons, and decide on which is best for himself. If he is convinced the other choice is better than what he is persuaded to choose, he will still choose the former. Hence he is less easily persuaded.

There is no right no wrong, no good no bad.
Everything, the choices and the consequences, depends on the situation and character of the person.
However, never assume that all indecisive people are easily persuaded. You may want to shift your targets to those decisive ones instead.
0_^

+ tW|nS +

2006-05-13T10:07:00.000+08:00

I can't believe this....

Everyone is unique in some ways. Yet, I've found TWO persons who are unique in EXACTLY the SAME way!! G00DNESS!! How is that possible??

I thought one person being THAT unique in the whole wide world is (bad) enough. But I just realised I've found another one who is so similar to the former, not in terms of looks but in terms of character, the way they think and behave and they way they handle things, that..... I can't help but sigh...

They know each other. But I seriously think they should get to know each other much better.
I strongly believe they are EITHER made for each other, or they will loathe each other so much they can be arch-enemies. Since they are so similar in their thinkings, either they can accept each other's shortcomings and appreciate their virtues, or they can finally discover their own shortcomings through the other person, which could lead to them disliking each other or their own selves. But from what I see, given their characters, it should be the former.

But then again, either ways it will be good. In the former, they can finally find someone who appreciate and understand them, and they could live happily ever after(without being a nuisance to others anymore).

In the latter, after being blinded to their own faults their whole lives, they can finally SEE and understand themselves more, henceforth improving themselves in their characters and personalities. Thus they will be changed into a better people (without being a nuisance to others anymore).

Then there shall be Peace in the world forever.

Isn't this good?
But reality is always different from the ideal.

+GuT +

2006-05-09T00:36:00.000+08:00

I never know which am I.
Emotional or Rational.

I know I'm a mixture of both, but more towards which side??
No one seems to know too. Most people agree I am both, but some said i'm a LITTLE towards emotional; some said I'm a BIT towards rational; while the others simply give up trying to guage.

Say in a situation, being rational means when everything favours towards your side, you will go ahead with it. Being emotional means even when the odds are against you, so long as you feel like it, you will still go ahead with it.

But what is that when everything favours you, and you really feel like it, YET there's a TINY little thing holding you back?? And the worse thing is, you can't even locate where is the source of that tiny thing! From the back of your mind, or from the back of your heart? or everywhere in your body?

Is it Gut Feeling??
Or simply no guts??

Hmmm....
Worth pondering.....

+ l0tS +

2006-05-04T21:53:00.000+08:00

Do you believe in lots?

Drawing lots is a form of communication between the supreme beings and us. Most people normally draw lots when they seek to have guidance in whichever area they feel lost in. The Kwan Yin Temple is well-known for giving very accurate and good advices.

Do you believe in lots? How would you feel if for the very first time in your life that you ever draw a lot, you get a bad one? How would you feel if it warns you of "xiao ren" aka evil doers? How would you feel if right at this time of your life, you feel that there are indeed possible "xiao ren"s lurking around even before you draw the lot? And they are already beginning to hurt you? How true could that lot be?

It could just be a self fulfilled prophecy.

Or

it could just be

TRUE

+ c0nDeMn +

2006-04-29T11:56:00.000+08:00

How would you feel if you've spent ur entire life trying to please someone, only to realise that this person has long ago condemned you for who you are so many years ago and nothing, absolutely NOTHING, can change the condemnation, even if you are a much better or totally different person now?

How would you feel being condemned by the person closest to you?!
Yes! LIFE IS SAD!

Fine! If that's how you want it!
If that's what you want!
If you want to live in the past forever, FINE! Go ahead and condemn me! I wouldn't care less!
If that's what you want, if that's how I am forever in your heart, I shall revert back to the old me! Everything, just for YOU!
Go ahead and hate me! AS IF I CARE!!

PUI!

+ NeVeR sAy d|E +

2006-04-27T14:27:00.000+08:00

Last night, I was being nosy and stopped by the television to see what’s showing. It was a reality show, “Never Say Die”.

The contestants were those who had tried their hands in Singapore Idol, Jue Dui Superstar and Star Idol but failed. Initially I wasn’t very much impressed with this show. But as it was, when I stopped to look, they were just showing a segment on the internal strife among the contestants. It seems that all 7 contestants were being very unhappy with the 8th guy and they all unleashed their frustrations and unhappiness on him all in one go. The poor guy took a big blow, and finally shed tears.

For me personally, I also do not take much liking to this guy. But seeing how sad he was… well, I realized he’s still a human. He does have feelings, no matter how eccentric or perverse he may seem. Anyway later on the other contestants explained that they weren’t really ostracizing him. They had tried all means and ways to accept him and to point out his faults to him in a bid to let him improve. However, it had all been in vain, and he just continued keeping himself on their nerves. Until that eruption when no one could take it anymore.

I can truly understand both feelings, that as one of the 7 contestants, and that of the 8th guy. No matter which side you are on, you won’t feel good. I won’t for sure.

But as things cleared up, all of them shook hands as a sign of harmony. A girl passed him a piece of tissue, and all 8 of them sat together, and the camera go around for their after thoughts on this episode. When it was one partular guy's turn, he spoke and got more passionate with each word.

“We, the 8 of us, are in this TOGETHER! We should all MOVE FORWARD as ONE! We will leave NO MAN behind!
LEAVE NO MAN BEHIND!!
NEVER SAY DIE!!”

He ended his speech standing up and making a huge warrior gesture. And we saw the 8 of them, putting their hands together, a show of unity. And at this point of time, I realized my eyes were tearing, and I didn’t even notice that.

When was the last time I heard words like this? It sounded so familiar, yet so long ago. I could feel the same emotions in them too.

Yesterday was a bad day. It doesn’t help that I was caught out of my house by the rain for 3 whole hours and still had to cycle home in the rain after the long wait. Then upon reaching my house, I faced the risk of incurring my friend’s wrath, only to realize I only have 8 hours left to prepare for a morning paper on the next day which is this morning, which I had covered less than a quarter of what I had to digest. And on top of it, I had to bear the consequences of the actions of some irresponsible parents, and I couldn’t let it out.

Perhaps I was fated to watch this segment of “Never Say Die”. Perhaps it was to tell me not to give up. Just like the contestants, they were given a second chance, and they were going all out to grab that opportunity and use it to the fullest. I was given my chance too. No matter who is going to bring me down, no matter who WANTS to bring me down, no matter who likes to see me down, I tell you now! I SHALL NEVER SAY DIE!! (ok.. even though I’m already a spirit and the fact that I’m already dead…) BUT my SPIRIT shall still go on!!! MUAHAHA!!

It seems that the offstage moments of this reality show are even more dramatic than what it already is. This is a competition, yet there is no competitiveness involved. Instead, all of them seek to help each other and strives to improve themselves. They could have jolly well made use of this chance to bring down that guy to increase their own confidence, but all they wanted to do was to help him, though things did turn wayward. But in the end, in this particular episode, I could really see an improvement in this 8th guy.

Talk about the extent of touching people’s hearts. They always occur in the most subtle form in the direst situations. Plus the fact that this is coming from a group of not-as-good-looking-as and do-not-sing-as-well-as an average person u find on the streets.

But they have something which most people don’t have. The never-say-die attitude.

And that is the difference.

+ Sp|r|t +

2006-04-25T08:59:00.000+08:00

Since I already died on 20 April 2006, this is my spirit talking here...

Being a spirit, I've spent more time thinking over my life, and a notion simply pop up to me..

I wonder, how memorable it would be if one can graduate from University, ending her educational life, with someone she truly likes. On the Convocation Day, both wear the graduation robes, take a picture together, with triumphant smiles on their faces. Somehow it seems to signify both of them have come so far, fighting battles together, and finally be able to graduate together... even if they are purely friends.

I suddenly realise, since a long time ago, one of the big motivations to make me want to graduate, on time, is that picture. Even if he doesn't like me. Even if we are just friends. Even if he is attached. Even if it signifies that chances of meeting him again after that day is down to 0.00009.
At least i still have that picture, to remind me of him, of the days when we fought on together, encouraging each other not to give up under the tremendous stress n pressure in Uni life.

All I want and can only wish for is that photo. But can I even graduate on time? With him?
This final battle is only half over. And I'm already dead. Oh.. how did I die? I was crushed by reinforced concrete. Stupid sia.. Concrete is already bad enough, REINFORCED concrete somemore! No wonder i died such a horrible death... haiz...

But I'm still a spirit, or soul, or as some scientific people insist, a bulk of energy left hovering in the world. I'm not yet a ghost, so don't worry, i won't bite. I'm still waiting for the judgement day 6 weeks from now, where i shall face the verdict or either going to hell, or heaven, or be allowed to resurrect.

And meanwhile, even when I am a spirit, a soul, or a lump of energy, the battle must go on.

+ R.|.P. +

2006-04-20T21:25:00.000+08:00

She came.
She lived.
Today
she died.

Rest.In.Peace.

+ hErE +

2006-04-12T09:28:00.000+08:00

It is finally coming.
The Beginning of an Ending.
The Ending to a new Beginning.
I hope so.
I certainly hope so.
I really wish so.
I KNOW it is so.

It.is.finally.here.

+ SpAm +

2006-04-08T18:11:00.000+08:00

AAAaaahhhhHHHHH!!!!!! I WANNA SH0000OOUT!!! I WANNA SCREAMMM!!!!!! HHHeeeEELLLPPPPP!! TERRORISTs ARE COMINNNGGGGG IN FF00OOuuuRRRR DDAAAYYYYSSSSSS!!!!!! SSSsoooo000OO SSCCCCAAARRRRYYYYYYYY!!!!!! RRrruuuUUUUNNNN F0000rrrrRR YOURRrr LLIIIVVVEEEESSSS!!! HHHEEEELLLLPPPPPPP!!!!! RRRRUUUUUNNNNNNN!!!!!!! SAAAVEEE ME SOMEBODY!!!! WHHHHOOO0000ooo CAN SAVE MMEEEeeee?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!!?!?!?!?!? AAaAAAHHHHH!!!! THEY ARRRREEEEE COMINNNNGG!!! SSSSSOOOOOO SSSCCCCAAAAARRRRYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!! AAAAAAaaaaaahhhhhhhhHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

+ HApp| fAm|Ly +

2006-03-30T20:51:00.000+08:00

What makes a happy family?
What makes a family happy?

A happy family is not one who cares for you so much that they restrict you in every way in your life as they deem is not right enough for you.

A happy family is not one who respects you so much that they don't bother in whatever you do because they believe you are grown-up and sensible enough to know what you are doing and that you will and be able to take responsiblity for it.

A happy family is one who cares for you enough to bother themselves with whatever you do, and yet respects you enough to give appropriate advices and support you in your decisions.

How much is enough?

How much "enough" makes a family happy?
Enough "what" makes a happy family?

What is happy family?

+ tHe sEaRcH +

2006-03-06T22:06:00.000+08:00

I know I'm dead tired and can't think clearly, but i JUST have to write this down.

Just had a chat with a long time friend. Someone whom i'd always looked up to because she thinks deep. And deep it is. One thing she said just now, which should be enough to let me ponder for a few nights, provided i still remember.

" It's always the minority who has to give in to the world.
If it's you VS the world,
you'll be the one who has to find a place that belongs to you, not the world.
The world will just pass by you. "

This is all i can remember. Well, what can you expect of someone who hadn't slept properly for 2 days n nights? Anyway, somehow i like those phrases. Especially the "the world will just pass by you".

I told her isn't it pathetic? To have to find that place that belongs to ourselves?
What if i can never find it? What if it's too late? what if it never exist?

Then again, true happiness might be in the process of searching for it.
Maybe i'll never find it. Maybe i can find something else along the way. Maybe till the day i die, I can't find it, but i have enjoyed every moment in the search. Maybe i can see the world pass by me. Or maybe it is me who pass by the world, not the world pass me by.
Maybe.... Just maybe....

~~goodnight & sweet dreamz!~~

+ Ch00sE 1 oUt oF 2 +

2006-02-23T14:30:00.000+08:00

In Life, there are many times when we cannot have the best of both worlds.

For instance:

I love heros.
I hate wars.

Heros are born out of wars.
So heros = wars.
=> no wars = no heros

So I'll never find someone i love.

So now what?

People say, Love should be stronger than Hate.
Ok. I can live with wars so long as i get my hero, coz i love my hero more than i hate wars.

Muahaahaha! What rubbish!

Now that's why i say, many a times, no one can have the best of both worlds.
In this case, I'll choose to have no war, and no hero.

I shall have no heros to love. But i have my family and friends, and all the people living in harmony in this whole wide world!

LONG LIVE WORLD PEACE!!!

+ EnT|T|EmEnT +

2006-02-22T22:56:00.000+08:00

There are certain things in life which some people are entitled to since their births. And which some other people can never attain in their lives.

Some one asked me for advice before. About a decision that could affect his life, at least for now. He had consulted others before. Those who encouraged him would list him one whole chunk of advantages. Those who discouraged, listed the opposite.

He came to me, still undecided.

I was silent for a long while. What he should know, he knew already. So I finally told him.

"If i were YOU in YOUR exact situation, I would go.
If i were ME in YOUR exact situation, I would not go.
Why? You know it very well yourself."

I can't believe i said this! This was like the best advice i can ever give to any one! And by doing so, i've expressing all my views and opinions and feelings already!
Simple and flat. No sides taken. I had made a smart advice. The rest was up to him.

Why have i told him thus? Because he possessed the entitlement. And i believed he knew it himself too. Because he didn't probe further. He's a smart kid.

Anyway, i believe he had made a smart choice. Well, as i'd said, he's smart.

Only those without the entitlement are qualified to give smart advice, because they have no entitlement to do otherwise.

+ A dAy g0nE bAd +

2006-02-21T20:24:00.000+08:00

I shan't be sarcastic here and complain and grumble about how SOME PEOPLE spoil my day. When I'm pissed, I'm pissed. I'll directly say, someONE spoiled my day today. But in order to protect her, i shan't use her name. And you shan't guess either.

We were supposed to meet someone else at 130pm. But I was going to be late. She was already in that vincity of the meeting place. I called her up and we agreed on her continuing to meet him at the original time and me joining them at 2pm. I rushed like don't know what to get there at the appointed time, making me look like a mess along the way. And i did manage to reach there exactly at the time i said i would reach. 2pm.

Guess what? I barged into his room, all flustered and a mess, and i saw him. And him only. With an extremely pissed off face.
He: Yes?
Me: Erm.. She has not reached yet? Or has she left already?
He: She said to change the time to 230pm. She said you can only reach at 230pm.
Me: Oh she did? Or shall I start first?
He: No no. I'm not free now, I'm not always free you know? And both of you should come together. You shall come at 230pm.
Me: Oh.. Ok sorry. I'll come at a later time then.

I was thus rejected from his room. The moment i stepped out of his office, i called her up, feeling quite ridiculous and foolish. Turned out she was still preparing her stuffs. I told her about what happened to me. She laughed. Laughed! Not a single trace of empathy!

Okay. I'm not a petty person. It was my fault I'm late. Even if he wanted us to see him together, we can both see him at 2pm when i reached! Okay, so she was worried that i cant make it on time at 2pm, and so she fixed the time at 230pm. Perfectly fine.

But as a friend, she didn't even show the slightest empathy and sensitivity with me when i told her i was being chased out, and it's due to a mistake that SHE, intentionally or unintentionally, made. Instead, she LAUGHED it off as if it was a big joke. May I know what is so funny about a friend being made a fool?
Okay, friends aside. Even without friendship, just as a colleague, didn't she have the SLIGHTEST courtesy to at least inform me that she had changed the time? Yes, half an hour is no big deal! But if i was informed, I wouldn't have barged into someone's room making a fool out of myself! If i was informed, I could have gotten my lunch before the meeting at 2pm and not 2 hours later at 4pm!

"Money makes the world go round. Hunger makes ME go MAD!"

If she had simply said,"Oops! Sorry I forgot to inform you that i changed the time."(basic manners), my day would still be as good. But no. She LAUGHED! that's the worst part. What a sadist! She enjoyed seeing me in distress?!

By the time i knew, I didn't have enough time to grab something properly. I spent the next 15 mins walking around the area, trying to make myself cool down, and sitting in front of somewhere looking like a complete idiot!

At 230pm, no sight of her. 235pm, no trace. I called her at 240pm. She told me she's still tidying up her stuffs and would be done in 5-10 mins, and asked me to see him first. Ok. So if i didn't call her, i would still be waiting and the both of us would be late again. And it'll be my fault, because it was me who was late in the first place and she was already there.

To put it across nicely, she was just being irresponsible of not informing me that she changed the time, nor that she would be late for the meeting at 230pm.
To put it out harshly, one can say she used me as a shield to postpone the time when she was the one who needed the time to complete her stuffs and made me the scapegoat.

Well, i gave her the benefit of doubt.

But i was still hungry. I pulled a LONG face throughout the whole meeting. No point putting on a facade. That's being hypocritical.

Funny thing was, 4 hours later at 615pm, she sms-ed me.
She: hey girl sorry i forgot to inform you about coming later today.
(I'd already forgotten the matter, but i decided to let her know of my displeasure)
Me: Wah.. Not bad sia.. you actually took 4 hours to realise you're sorry? ok. Apology accepted.
( I thought that was the end of the episode. Until i recieved another sms from her)
She: Huh? It wasnt on purpose ma. And like you never did anything bad to me before.. anything

??!!!???!!!???!!

What was that suppose to mean? So i guess she wasn't serious when she said sorry? I'm not even reprimanding her loh! She can save that 'sorry'.
And what did she mean with the 2nd part of her msg? So me doing anything bad to her in the past would deny her the fact that she did something bad to me?! So I'd have lost all rights to feel angry? And what have i done to her? Have i harmed her in any way? Even if i had displeased her in the past, I would have said sorry to her immediately and i had meant it, even if she had not deserved it! But the fact is, I'm pissed with her today solely because of what she had done today! I was not even taking into consideration her faults in the past! And now she's trying to dig the past out so that she can escape her present guilt?

This is just a miscommunication. It's not as if she really did anything bad to me. I wasn't even scolding her! Does she need to be so defensive?
It's totally out of point! Does she even know what i was pissed with her about? Faint.

To this girl:
If you happen to see this entry, and you felt greatly disturbed and maligned, feel free to call me up and we can clarify the matter once and for all. This is actually a small matter and I have no wish to start a war. I'm not trying to criticise you on my blog. I'm just relating my day on it.

* tHe TRUE c|nDeRe||a sToRy +

2006-02-16T19:01:00.000+08:00

Once upon a time, there was a girl called Cinderella. Why was her name Cinderella? That's because she was always cleaning up and doing the dusty work(not because of the fireplace) that smeared her face and hands with dirt. As she was always so dirty, thus her name.

The legend had always been that she had a step mother and 2 step sisters who ill-treated her after her father died. But the truth was, those were her biological mother and sisters. It was just that Cinderella, or rather the person who wrote her story(is it Andersen or Charles?), just couldnt figure out and accept why and how a mother could show such extreme favouritism among her 3 biological daughters. Thus putting them as step mother and sisters was a much simpler plot.

Well, I had no idea why too!

Anyway, poor Cinderella was indeed treated very badly. But Cinderella dreamt of being financially independent one day, so that she could finally escape from their cluthes and ill-treatment one day. She would always go for part time jobs, and she got to save her money because she was entitled to it.

However, that was not easy, because her step-mother certainty did not wish for the loss of such a good and free maid. With Cinderella around, her house would always be clean and neat, and for free! Well, perhaps just for 3 meals and a bed! Hence she always came up with lots of ways to prevent Cinderella from doing part time jobs.

One day, the Prince was setting up a ball, and Cinderella's family was invited! Everyone was so happy about it, especially Cinderella. As the ball was a very big event, many helpers were needed. And this was certainly a great chance for Cinderella to earn big money! Because the Royal family was always very generous with the wages! And just imagine the juicy tips they could receive from the guests?

But the step-mother would not allow this. She didn't want Cinderella to go to the ball, as a guest or as a waitress, all reasons to her own advantages. Hence she purposely made things hard for her, and scattered all the beans and what all over the floor or something, and kept all the brooms to keep her too busy to go to the ball. She was to sort all the beans into their colours or something. And they left happily, leaving Cinderella fuming at home.

Problem was, Cinderella was not stupid! All she needed was a vacumn cleaner! Who needed a broom when a vacumn cleaner could do a much better and faster job? Crazy! And about the sorting of the beans, that's even crazier! She just threw all the beans vacumned away and opened new packets of different beans and poured them into different bowls according to their colours! Spend the precious time picking the beans one by one, or sifting them with a sift, or asking the birds for help? Madness!

Anyway, Cinderella was done with her 'tasks' in an hour. Smartly dressed and such. No gowns to wear? Fear not! Who need to wear gowns to work as waitress? Zzzz

No fairy god-mother, no glass slippers, no mice and no pumpkin, she wore her old sneakers and caught a cab to the ball.

Somehow, while working, she met the Prince and he fell in love with her. But before he could know her name, the clock struck 1145pm! Cinderella had to rush to collect her pay and dash off to catch the cab because if not, she needed to pay the double midnight charges! And she would waste a bit of her well-earned salary! Ok, maybe she's a bit stingy, but all for a greater cause!

Nonetheless, she dropped one of her sneakers in the ballroom when running out, and the Prince picked it up, knowing that Cinderella would certainly come back for it. ( of course! Since she was so stingy even to pay for the midnight charge!)

True enough, Cinderella came back the next day for it, and the Prince used the opportunity to confess to her. But the problem was, she had fallen in love with the cook instead! Though Cinderella wanted to earn money to retrieve her freedom, she still didn't want to marry the Prince just for the sake of money. Hence, she rejected him.

And well, she really got married to the cook and got her own home and freedom.

YAh I know the writer wrote that the Prince went through hard times to find Cinderella with one of her glass slippers and when he did, she married him and they lived happily ever after. But it was because the writer thought it was SO DUMB of Cinderella to reject a Prince with so much heritage for a stupid cook. Hence he altered the ending for the fantasy.

Well, but true enough, Cinderella chose love over money, but she still didn't live happily ever after. The stupid cook turned out to be real stupid, who seemed to belong to a different league from hers. But since she married him, she was stuck with him all her life. But another problem was, she retained the ill-treated and inferior feeling as when she lived with her mother and sisters. She was never truly freed from her traumatic experiences. She believed that she had came a long way to her status now, and it was how she was treated that time that made her how she was now. She believed she grew and became stronger in her mind because of that.

Hence, she treated her daugther the same way her mother treated herself.

The true Cinderella story, is actually a tragedy.

+ h0w tRuE +

2006-01-30T21:11:00.000+08:00

I am truly passionate.

You're excited about life and in touch with yourself and nature. Tell me, do I have this straight?

VIRTUES: You appreciate humor like none other. Puns might even spark laughter in you (TEHY R FUNNI). You seek adventure and connection with your surroundings. You seek friends who will not only share laughs with you but actually form a deep bond of trust and empathy beneath the surface. You look for adventure and courage in people, and variation is necessary to keep you under control. You see yourself as multi-faceted, so you need people who can see you in your many lights. You're constantly trying to figure yourself out while analyzing the people around you. Silly, silly people.

ASPIRATIONS: You can't decide what you want to be yet, but you know you want it to be adventures and interesting, with constant changes. You don't know what love will do for you yet, but it's competing with adventure for a place in your heart. An internal conflict has begun: can you be a successful worker, lover, and parent all at once?

QUIRKS: Noise of any sort is irritating when you're in the mood. Smacking gum, loud chewing, humming- it's about as pleasing as bodily noises. You dislike emaciated people because of jealousy and just plain disgust. You're a procrastinator but a hard worker, too.

FACTORS: You need constant attention and support. You're high-maintnence, but a great, reliable friend. Nature needs you and you need nature; it's helped thus far, so keep in touch with the outside world.

FUTURE: Who knows! You absolutely need constant change, so vacationing is surely in the cards. Will you settle down or not? Love will find you eventually, as it does to everyone. Will you choose the sweet home life or the rewarding busy-bee life?

Find your soul type at kelly.moranweb.com.

+ pR|dE & PrEjUd|cE +

2006-01-24T15:23:00.000+08:00

How long has it been since the last time i caught a romance movie, that is convincing enough to touch me? When is the last movie that shows no kissing, no lusting, but simply the pure attraction of the heart and mind?
Never Been Kissed.
Wow... a looong time ago. Probably the reason why i seldom watch romance comedies is because i believe most romantic movies tell the same tale, nothing out of the ordinary. A man fell for a woman, and vice versa, all within 2 hours. What happened in between, not truly convincing.

Then what is it that persuaded me, to take half a day off today and rush back, just in time to catch this movie whose screening shall end this thursday?
No, not my brother(though he has a part to play) who was so captivated that he bought the book immediately after he watched it, and which i had almost finished reading.

Pride And Prejudice.

Truly, thoroughly, totally romantic. The way this movie is filmed, the soft music as accompaniment, the picturesque scenes, the humour within, the beautiful actresses and charming actors. And the plot. Perfect! It simply captures my senses in all ways, and touches me enough to make my heart flutter. But if i want to use one word to describe this movie, 'perfect' it is not. It's 'romantic'! I'll hate to repeat myself, but i simply can't help it. I HAVE to say this again! This movie is Truly, Thoroughly, Totally ROMANTIC! Sigh...

That's right. What else better to end this movie but with a deep sigh?

Years ago, if i'd seen this movie, i'll go,"Sighzz... When will i ever meet someone as charming who could possibly fall in love with me, just like the male and female lead?"
Yet now, I surprise myself, by going,"Sighzz... Even if i meet someone as charming, would i even fall for him? Even if he falls for me?"

I wonder, is my heart going dead? I felt like i could never love someone. 'Love' is too strong a word. I don't think i can ever do that. Has Reality finally caught up with me that I'm finally growing up, out of my fairytale fantasy world, that i no longer believe in 'love'? Or am I sp hopelessly trapped in my world of fantasy forever, where i'll passionately love the man of my dreams IN my dreams rather than OUT of it? Perhaps besides being a nun, i'll either end up like Charlotte Lucas, who'll marry a man solely because he has a stable income and able to give me a home, or stay single forever, enjoying the carefreeness of being single.
I'd rather the latter.

But even if i don't have the fortune, or misfortune, to be in love, I'll still be pleased to know that true love still does exist, even if it's just in the movies.

'Happily ever after' is a reality, not a belief.

Maybe that's the real reason why i took so much trouble just to catch this movie. Just as curry adds flavor to rice, what's a little hassle compared to what a little 'romance', once in a blue moon, can add to my life?
It's definitely worth it. ^^

+ wHaT's mY pErFeCt mAjOr - Qu|z +

2006-01-22T12:50:00.001+08:00

You scored as Philosophy. You should be a Philosophy major! Like the Philosopher, you are contemplative and you enjoy thinking about the purpose for humanity's existence.

Philosophy

92%

Psychology

92%

Journalism

92%

Sociology

92%

Dance

83%

Theater

83%

Art

83%

Mathematics

75%

Anthropology

75%

English

75%

Engineering

75%

Biology

67%

Linguistics

67%

Chemistry

58%

What is your Perfect Major? (PLEASE RATE ME!!<3)
created with QuizFarm.com

Funny. Considering I'm majoring in Engineering now.... 75%.... Not that bad a choice lah hoh? ^^

+ cUrSe +

2006-01-22T11:08:00.000+08:00

I'm officially under a curse. Not that I'm not under others, but this particular one is the most subtle yet destructive. Because for the past 50 years or more till now, it has already adversely affected 3 generations. I've seen how the curse had worked on the previous 2 generations, and seen how one of them is trying so hard to break it. But i realised, the more the one tried to break it, the more this person fell for the curse.

Now, I'm noticing a similar trend involving the next generation. And that is me. And for the past 20 years or so, I'd also been trying to break the curse unknowingly. And yet, I've fallen deeper and deeper. It's only till recently, that i put 2 + 2 together, to make 4, and found this pattern in the curse.

I'm suddenly afraid. This curse, is like a disease. If not treated properly, it can be passed on to the 4th generation, the 5th, and so on.... Once this happens, it will be irreversible. I definitely do NOT want this curse to carry on. I've seen how the previous 2 generation suffered. They had fallen under it so much that i know they can never break it. The whole mission of breaking this curse now can only depend on me. But with my force alone, am i able to break it before it extends to the next generation?

It's time now to think about how to thoroughly break this curse and destroy it. If i had struggled for 20 years to no avail, doesn't it mean this method is WRONG? Should i try a new approach instead? But what? How?

And another question to think about. What if i am really unable to find a way to effectively eradicate this curse forever? This answer, however, is pretty easy.
There will not be a 4th generation. Then, I shall absorb this curse, and die along with it.

+ g00d 0r bAd dReAm? +

2006-01-16T08:53:00.000+08:00

Just had a bad dream with a good ending....

Went to China with my whole family, including my Ah Ma, Eldest Uncle n family, and Little Aunt n family. Followed a tour package, but that was terribly organized. The whole place looks like Malaysia, not so much of sightseeing, but coach sitting. Imagine sitting in a small coach the whole day the whole time and getting down just to go toilet? That's what's the whole trip is about, no purpose at all. More like a trip to nowhere.

Stayed in an ulu hotel. Nearing the end of the trip, one morning, my elder brother suddenly disappeared. We wondered where he'd gone. And then we received a call, for a ransom. Ransom? My brother was kidnapped right in the middle of China?! This is terrible... i remembered in the 'Principles of Law', our country's law has no effect in other countries, and we could only seek help from the Chinese authorities. But aren't they famous for corruption? And worse still, even if they were not corrupt, it's really hard to help us since China is so big! Okay, i know i'm mean, but i couldn't trust the securities there.

Anyway, we reported the case and they did say they would help, but apparently nothing is done. We paid the ransom, but my brother NEVER return!! Was he silenced? We all panicked. Yes, in this dream, it was so real i panicked! How can this happen? As in how can the kidnappers do this even after we paid the ransom? I remembered the Huang Na case... How a chinese girl met a mishap in Singapore. I believe if it's a Singaporean meeting a mishap in China, it wouldn't create much impact on their people at all! We returned to Singapore, hoping to seek help from our own people. I was so scared, even when i lie in my bed after our return, i keep thinking would my brother appear in my dream? Like what Huang Na did in her Aunt's dream? Then i was hoping he would come tell me where's he in China. But i realised it's so hard. How can his spirit fly so far back home to tell us where is he? Anyway if this really happens, it means he's really killed! And guess what? He did appear! Halfway through telling me though, i told myself this isn't true. Why?

In reality, he's right there sleeping in his room! How can his spirit come tell me he's dead in China?
And so, i forced myself to wake up. ZZzz.

But i fell asleep again. And the dream continued.

No news is good news. We had a call from the Chinese authorities that there's no concrete evidence that my brother is dead. In fact they had some clues that he's still alive. So we all eagerly went back to China. We went to the place where they suspect to be the place of kidnapping. AND WE FOUND MY BROTHER! Seems like they are quite efficient!

The kidnappers were nowhere to be seen, but there's my brother, alive and kicking! except a bit weak. He told us how he'd escaped. He was on this van, badly beaten up. Then when the kidnappers were away for a while, he called for help softly. Some kind souls saved him but he took a few days to recover properly, and also to hide from the kidnappers. that's why he only appeared now. Guess my relief? i was totally overjoyed loh!

I realised i still do care for my family members. Though i may begrudge them for the things they do to me, though i may be mean to them, though i may even 'hate' them at some point of time, i still love them. I want them to be alive and well and kicking.

Haiz.. so much for internal struggles. My subconcious mind will always lead me out.

Anyway, bro, if u happen to see tis, remember to take care while in China wor. Esp when you'll be going there for so long...

+ tHe m0sT bEaUt|FuL f|0wEr +

2005-12-31T22:18:00.000+08:00

Alice once met a deity in the mountains.
Deity: I have the seeds of all the flowers in the world. Which do you want?
Alice: I want to have the most beautiful flower in the world.
Deity gave her a seed.
Deity: Plant this, and it will bloom in a year.
Alice happily took the seed home and plant it in a pot. However she didn't take good care of it. She didn't water it daily, didn't put fertilizers, left it in the rain or left it under the unbearable hot sun.
One year later, the plant bloom into a flower. But it was limp and dull, definitely not anywhere beautiful, lest to say the most beautiful. At this moment, the deity appeared.
Deity: Do you like the flower?
Alice: No. You lied to me. It looked so ugly, how can it be the most beautiful flower in the world?
Deity: It IS the seed of the most beautiful flower. But you didn't give it the basic care, so even if it should have been the most beautiful, it would still grow out this way.

---------------------------------------------------------------

Betty once met a deity in the mountains.
Deity: I have the seeds of all the flowers in the world. Which do you want?
Betty: I want the seed of my favourite flower.
Deity: But it is not the most beautiful flower in the world.
Betty: It's okay.
Deity gave her a seed.
Deity: Plant this, and it will bloom in a year.
Betty happily took the seed home and plant it in a pot. She took extremely good care of it.
One year later, the plant bloom into a flower. It was strong and radiant. At this moment, the deity appeared.
Deity: Do you like the flower?
Betty: Yes! Even if this may not be the most beautiful flower in the world, yet with its healthiness and brightness, it will definitely outshine any supposedly more beautiful flowers(like Alice's).

---------------------------------------------------------------

Cathy once met a deity in the mountains.
Deity: I have the seeds of all the flowers in the world. Which do you want?
Cathy: I just want an ordinary flower.
Deity: But it is not the most beautiful flower in the world.
Cathy: It's okay.
Deity gave her a seed.
Deity: Plant this, and it will bloom in a year.
Cathy happily took the seed home and plant it in a pot. She took good care of it as she should.
One year later, the plant bloom into a flower. It looked like any other ordinary nice-looking healthy flower. At this moment, the deity appeared.
Deity: Do you like the flower?
Cathy: Yes. It may not be the most beautiful flower. But to me, it is the most beautiful flower in this world. Because it has all my efforts and care on it.

---------------------------------------------------------------

At the end of Year 2005 now, your flowers may have turned out to be like Alice's, Betty's or Cathy's, or other D's, E's......etc. But take heart.
Year 2005 is over!
May the Year 2006 be a new year for everyone for a new beginning of a new everything. May all make good use of 2006 to plant your flowers properly.
Remember to be diligent and water the plants daily and take good care of it. The most beautiful flowers shall be waiting for you at the end of 2006!

But do take note, some pretty flowers still need the help of other less pretty flowers to make them look prettier. So even if you'd a less pretty flower, don't worry too much. There's still Year 2006! Anyway, Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder, isn't it?!

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2006!!

+ tHe gAmE oF |0vE +

2005-12-27T20:04:00.000+08:00

Having sorta "discussed" our opinions over a friend's view on some relationship issues, I suddenly realise what do people mean by "the Game of Love", well, perhaps on a smaller scale.

I'd always told myself never to fall for someone, or bother about whether someone is falling for me, because it will be draining and torturous and nothing good. I supposed i don't like to play the game.

The game of receiving and interpreting the signals correctly, of giving out or returning the correct signals, to make sure the other party receives the signals and interpret them correctly. Though it could sometimes be very sweet, it is really taxing, and could at some point of time even confuse the signaller him/herself. I'm not making believe, I'm talking about myself.

That's why i always encourage my friends who are always troubled by "ai mei" bgr problems, (gal, you know who you are! :P) don't bother if they like you or not. If you like him, go for it. If you don't like him, draw the line. If you are not sure of your feelings, think over it yourself before doing anything. The last one happened to me. And before I know what I wanted, I ended everything before anything can start.

But now, I think that that "ai mei" is what the game is about. If the signalling process is ended chop chop through direct communication, the dillydallying stops. No dragging, no nothing. Just chop chop an answer. Something else will continue from here, be it good or bad or same. Maybe for people like me, it's the best way out. It saves our energy and time. But come to think of it, wouldn't we have missed out the "fun" during the signalling period?

Perhaps only those with the extra elements be able to properly play the game of love.

+ eV|dEnCe +

2005-12-23T20:06:00.000+08:00

Been watching a few episodes of "Zhen Ming Tian Nu", "Mi Jia Le Zhi Wu" and a few of Energy's mvs. And I quite envy them. It must have been so fun to work on something whole-heartedly with a few close friends.

How nice it will be if i can be in a film with a few of my close friends, sing a harmonized song together, dance a song with synchronized moves, take photos with exaggerated or model-like poses, go overseas together, live together, or simply work on something together and have something as an evidence to remind us of it later in our lives.

Filming, I suppose it's impossible. None of my friends are interested in acting anyway. And I'm not even an actress. I'm not refering to simply acting here. I meant acting with a bunch of close friends. In the years to come, Energy will still laugh at those days when they were filming MJLZW, SHE will have nice memories from ZMTN, and all of them will remember the days they worked on a project with those good friends. How envious.

Sing a harmonized song? None of my friends know how to harmonize. Me neither. But I thought it would be fun to come together with a few close friends and discuss and work on it. The product may not be nice, but at least, it's OUR song! Isn't it nice? I don't mind being the background to complement the main voice, but too bad, no one is interested. No one is really interested to work on a song, well, at least not with me. They are contented to be just the main voice. But do you know? A song with harmonizing really do sound better than just one person singing. It's even nicer if that song is sang by you and your closer friends, each singing their own parts, but sounding awesome together. Makes me really miss my quartet back then. Too bad we didn't recorded then or i'll have some evidence i can keep. But luckily, i still keep the memories.

Dance? Haiz.... Take funny or modelling shoots? Sadz... The same cliched expression when the camera is facing you. Smile. Just look nice. Cheers......

Travelling overseas together? That's what I'm really looking so forward to. But expectations and reality are normally opposite. Living together? Yah... I miss my roommate. Really! I'll recall and miss those times we spent every now and then, though some unhappy stuffs did happen b4 too.

Actually all these are not wistful things. Situations similar to those are happening everyday. Everyone go to school together, eat together, go toilet together, cry together, laugh together. With who? Best pals. Except the only evidence to prove those wonderful times which you had spent with them in the quest for knowledge and paper chase are only the memories left in your heart, and occasionally some photos, and at the end of it, just a piece of paper of your results.

Project mates? The product from the project shall remind you of them in the years to come.

Come to think of it, I should be grateful. Although all i have is the memories and some photos, I'd worked on quite many projects, ranging from academically, to competitive, to pure leisure. Yes, with my then close friends.

Indeed, Process is always better than the Product. It's also to experience that process that I'm so keen. The process of working towards one ultimate goal together with a group of close friends.

Still, I'm hopeful for a proper evidence which I can recall from and show my next generation to.

+ Sp|dEr : Dream 1 +

2005-12-16T09:38:00.000+08:00

It happened long long ago. So long that i forgot when. Yet I'm only 22, so it shouldn't have been that long.

We used to live in a small village right outside a big patch of forest. It was then undeveloped, nothing like any sight one can see anywhere now. Everyone lived in wooden houses, though rundown, yet huge, with a floor above and an attic. Everyday was peaceful, until that fateful day that changed everything.

A group of us kids were playing in the open area outside our houses, my elder brother and I, and a couple of neighbour kids. The forest was our friend, because it provided tons of entertainment for our otherwise dull childhood. Yet we never managed to explore deep into it, probably the deep and unknown scared us. We would play by the fringe, that's all.

Yet that day, as we got all hyped and excited in our usual but never boring game: catching, we got nearer and nearer to the forest, and into it. Perhaps it was doomed to be that fateful day, because the sun set very early that day, and it took too long to rise again.

The group of us were still in the forest as dusk fell. It's only till later that we realised one of us was missing.

"Everyone! Let's get into pairs and split up to find him!" My brother ordered. All of us nodded, but i didn't pair with my brother, because to him I'm a little pest. He paired with another boy, and me with the little sis of that boy. With the other pairs, we split and started searching, screaming the missing kid's name.

My partner and I were going in this direction which we never went before. We just concentrated on parting the shrubs as we got deeper and deeper into the forest, suspecting that the missing kid would be hiding somewhere inside. Suddenly, we heard/felt something swept past before us somewhere. It was a sudden movement, then all was still. Both of us looked at each other, bewildered.

"AAHHH!!!" both of us jerked our head to our right where the scream came from, especially for me, my heart missed a beat, because that was my brother who screamed! We rushed blindly in that direction, getting cuts in our hands and legs, but we didn't bother.

"Bro! Bro!! Where are you!!" I searched frantically. Suddenly, my brother's visibly petrified face emerged from among the bushes, grabbing me and my friend and starting running in the direction where we came from. "Run! There's a huge spider!!"

I almost wanted to laugh at this. I forgot my brother was most scared of spiders, considering we grew up among them. "Where's my bro?" my friend panted.

"I don't know! That spider came and we split up!"
"What? I'm going back for him!" my friend turned back, but my brother was trying so hard to hold her back. "Don't get youself killed! He might have escaped! We must....."

"AAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!" my friend shrieked and my brother froze.
I looked up.

"OH MY GOD!!! SPIDER!!! RRRUUUUNNNNN!!!!!!" Instinctively i grabbed the 2 of them and ran for my life! Never in my life had i ran so fast! Never in my life had i seen such a HUGE spider!! It was as tall as my dad! and we were very small! And it was chasing us! I knew I was DREAMiNg! I want to WAKE UP!!

"AAAHHHHhhhhh!!! RRRUUUNNNN!!!!" The 3 of us were yelling like crazy as we ran at top speed, releasing the nerves trapped tightened in our muscles and allowing us to run even faster, yet at the same time careful not to trip over anything, because we knew, somehow, that if there's just a slight stumble, that's the end of us.

I didn't know why, I was always the slowest in running, yet i ran the first now, followed closely by my friend, then my brother. Perhaps my brother was too scared stiffed in his legs, while I, on the contrary, the fright had given me even more power to run.

Run and think of nothing! I tried to hynoptise myself. RUN AND THINK OF NOTHING! THERE'S NO SPIDER BEHIND ME!!!

"AARRGGHH!! HHEELLLPPPPP!!!! NNNOOOO!!!" That's my brother again! I turned back, and saw my brother tied in his leg in that stupid spider's web! And he was being dragged by his leg back into the forest!!

"Bro!!" Both of us girls started to run after them, not knowing how, but we must save him! As we ran, we tried to look around for something to attack. It was dark, thoroughly dark! My brother was still screaming, but was somehow stuck in between 2 trees, and the retreat was stopped short.

This is it! I thought to myself as I grabbed a long strong stick out of nowhere, and my friend scooped up a whole bunch of pebbles. That's all we could do. Before the spider came back, we reached my brother. he was trying to break that thick web tangling his leg, but he got his hands stuck too! That web was too sticky! Grrr!

The bushes before us rustled again, very fast! And there was a force puling my brother. We knew it! With one swift swoop of my stick, I chopped free that disgusting web and freed my brother.
"Hurry up!" I screamed! But it was too late! Another web came flying and grabbed my brother around his waist! "ARGH!" he held onto a trunk and hugged it tight, all the while being pulled towards the spider while the spider came closer. I couldn't chop that web off again because he was too high!

Suddenly, everything was in slow motion! Me and my friend took the pebbles and threw them at where we thought the spider would be, but they didn't even seem to hinder it one bit! We had to change the strategy! My friend took a boulder rock out of no where and aimed at one leg, crippling it. The spider struggled in anger! Seeing this slight advantage and feeling a little bold, i took my stick and with all my might, whacked it on its head! But it only seemed to get more pissed, not injured though.

"HHAIYAK!!" Out of nowhere, a long stick/branch appeared and stabbed halfway right into the spider's body! The spider struggled and roared! I didn't know spiders ROARED?!?! and the web that tied my brother to it broke! Seeing this example, i took my stick and shove it up the belly of the stupid spider, sending almost half of it into it, though i was amazed that stick of mine didn't break!

"Come on!" Someone grabbed my hand and dragged me away! Turned out that it was my friend's brother who saved us, the one whom was paired with my brother in the search in the beginning. And it turned out that that spider was reared by a kid in the same village, except that this spider broke free from its METAL cage and escaped into the forest.

When we were finally certain we were safe from the spider, I finally woke up.

+ k|dS +

2005-12-13T10:43:00.000+08:00

Who says kids are cute?? *Cry*
Okay... they are... when they are not hyperactive 24 hours per day!!!
They are cute when they don't practise their vocal by screaming at the top of their lungs!!
They are cute when they do NOT stick to you all day long, so that you can't do anything you have to because they will want to join in and mess up everything, then insisting on you playing games with them where they would end up quarrelling with each other and you'll have to play the mediator and separate the 2 fighting enemies. Then when you are clearing up the mess they made, there they all, totally forgotten about the past squabble and happily playing, running around the whole house, putting everything breakable under high falling risk and shrieking on top of their voices. You can't do anything in peace.
Yah.. try playing catching with them and they'll end up crying even louder than screams just because they were "caught". ZZzzz

As if the little kid whom my family babysits is not enough, his little sis arrived yesterday, turning my whole house topsy turvy in just 2 hours till she went home. Goodness. She's cute. Really cute. But. Haiz. That's it. I'm supposed to babysit them. Now I'm stuck in this house with the 2 of them for one whole week! I'm gonna miss my Zhang Dong Jian.. I can't use the computer at my free will. I can't even step outta this house already! I'm gonna get cut off from this world. Just as i am typing this now, the duo are screaming outside the room, and i can hear legs running everywhere, and every now and then they would barge in suddenly to drag me out. I'm only sneaking in coz i feel i'll go crazy soon if i don't release anything out! Grrr...

I thought about taking them out so that they at least wont be so noisy. But my parents say I'll have to take full responsibility if anything happens to them... Uh... Haiz... Ok. Trap me in then.

Still, kida are cute, at a price.
*cry*

+ 0pEn m|nD +

2005-12-09T13:22:00.000+08:00

~~Attitudes~~

There are certain things in Life that are lost to you the moment you are born.
Perhaps Wealth, perhaps Rights, perhaps Health, perhaps Love.
Then? What will you do?
Sit down and bawl? Spend your whole life pursuing the things that are never meant to be yours, only that realise that if ever one day you managed to achieve them, you had already lost those that you already owned? Or simply guarding all that you already have against anything that might deprive you of it, only to realise that had you just put in that tiny effort, you would have gotten what you want and still keeping those that you already owned?

Neither is wrong.

Had a random chat with a friend recently. And i realized something similar to this. We touched on the topic: Chi Bu Dao Pu Tao Shuo Pu Tao Shuan "The grapes which we can't lay our hands on, we say they are sour grapes" (direct translation from the chinese proverbs). She proclaimed she is those type of people whom, if she can never lay her hands on the grapes, she'll spend her life lamenting on how sour they are. Me, on the contrary, said I'll spend my life under the tree, looking at those grapes wistfully, telling myself, they will forever be the best grapes. But then i realized too, that there will always be others who will spend their lives trying every means to get those grapes, and perhaps they might really get them. Similarly, there will always be some whom, once certain that they can never lay their hands on those grapes, will move on to other trees and watch out for other grapes that are within their reaches.

Perhaps this portrayed our attitudes in Life. What's yours? However, neither is wrong. Just different.
_______________________________________

~~Principle~~

Some people spend their whole life guarding a belief or principle, regardless of any external or internal interferrence. It could be that they were brought up that way, or simply through the experiences earned in life, that they held the principles strong in their hearts. And they believe that so long as they stick to that principle under any circumstances, they will Shou De Yun Kai Jian Yue Ming "Able to stay put and wait till the clouds part and finally be able to see the bright moon" (direct translation)

However, more often than not, the principles which they had so faithfully guarded with their lives, are usually what caused their Downfall.
_______________________________________

Human.
Balance is such a thin line between two extremes.
Perhaps it's time to see the world with an open mind.

+ tHe dAy | bLeW uP mY hA|R +

2005-11-28T21:02:00.000+08:00

Ever watched a movie scene where a guy went to the barber's, and at the end of everything when he looked into the mirror, he got the SHOCK of his life?
That's right! That's exactly how I felt!!! i did lotsa washing n washing n when the hairdresser finally took off the towel that draped my hair and I looked into the mirror,

OH MY GOSH! I BLEW UP MY HAIR!!!

Or rather, the hairdresser did it. SOBZzz! If it was any holidays of the year or any other time in my life, I wouldn't care what happened to my hair! BUT NO!!! Not tomorrow when I have a VERY IMPORTANT appointment with someone who could INFLUENCE MY LIFE!!!

NNOOOOoooooo!!!!!!

Why does it have to happen to me??? Why does it have to happen now?? What bad luck! BAD LUCK!

Bleahz!

And nope! I shan't post my photo up. I'll just leave it to Fate to see who will be the "LUCKY" ones to see me in my blown up head. And let you all have a laugh over it bah... Haiz... the practical world... *shakes head*

I really hope he will not yan qian fang kong. If he really did..... I.... I don't know what i'll do..... T_T

+ nEw BeG|nn|nG +

2005-11-25T17:39:00.000+08:00

New day! New Beginning! New skin!
Old ME!

Is this skin ok?? Better?? Worse?? Dull?? Feedback please!!!
Because some said the previous one was actually very not reader friendly.
Is this better now?

Actually i quite like this new skin.
Simple and nice. And full of mOO-mOOs!
Just the way I like it!! YAY!!!

Maybe this skin looks a bit plain, but that's me mah! I'm a plain gal in plain clothes. But more importantly, is my life as plain? or is it plain interesting? It's up to me to fill it in!!

Will this represent a new start? Am I able to shrug off the shadows of yesterday, and face tomorrow with strength? Will things go smoothly for me from now on?
I know, it's all up to me.

Why is Palmistry so accurate?

Because YOU hold your own DESTINY!!!
That's right! You decide where you go! I decide where I go! And I shall walk down that path with no regrets! So stop following me ok?? haha I'm starting to crap liaoz...

The future is full of Hope! Even if there is only one day left, I must still live it to the FULLEST! Hey You! Come on! Life is just beginning! We are and must be full of ENERGY!!!

Every Tomorrow will be a better day, bright and full of sunshine! :D

+ mEnTaL wAr +

2005-11-11T21:48:00.000+08:00

This is terrible. i hate this feeling. this feeling of uncertainty, doubt, fear of the unknown...
Do i deserve this? perhaps...
i havent been hardworking... no... this is not my most hardworking semester...
But... i had tried... this hadnt been my most hardworking sem, but this was my most attentive sem... i'd paid attention to the lecturers, even if i'd skipped some, or without notes... but i didnt sleep so often during lectures already... i'd tried to listen... even when i'd drifted off for a few seconds n missed a few points, i'd understood most of what i'd heard.

Even though i did try to do tutorials after school everyday, i realised i didn't achieve much... i spent most of my little time at home on projects... so many of them... Integrated Design, Struct II, FYP....

ID was horrible... everyone was so disorganised and uninitiated at first... No one knew what they were supposed to do and didnt bother to find out... those who THOUGHT they knew so happily insisted on their concepts and refused to accomodate other more correct ideas... Not that i'm very good myself, but i had to try hard to organise them up... i spent so long doing research so that i could at least get ourselves some ideas and started up, and even drag ourselves to the tutors for a clearer explanation of the theme... then for those who dunno or simply cant understand, i really had a hard time explaining to them whats going on, without them misunderstanding my good intentions... haiz...

Struct II, though we really had fun, it was the most taxing.... so much energy and many precious nights staying back trying to build up that bridge, which in the end failed us... haiz... it really zapped me of so much energy mentally and physically that i had to take long rests the next days in order to restore back my 'health'... (imagine carrying a dunno how many kilos' handdrill up and down for hours and all those technical work and concentration... trust me... its really not easy) and yah... i practically had to improvise the entire report the whole night when i had an important quiz the next day...

FYP is ok... initially i know nuts about what i'm supposed to do... simply because i'd never taken this related module before.. i chose this theme purely out of interest... noble eh? but well, that interest pays off i guess... i've got a nice tutor, a nice partner, a nice theme which i enjoyed so much... but i really spent lotsa time on the research.. a lot... really... but more than 50% are not relevant... zzzz...

On top of all these, there's still ppl depriving me of a computer to do my research and reports and powerpoints on, making me wait till the wee hours of the night only to realise that they are only going to give it to me in the dusk of the next morning after they finished their precious game...

...and also some irritating idiots who are so worried that i'd be bored to death without their constant irritations...

With my health so messed up like this, i really wonder if i would just die of a burst blood vessel one day sooner because of them!

People may say I havent been hardworking enough.... People may say it's time management... I'd say it's...
Mental power management

The mental power to stay attentive during lectures after long tiring journeys to school early in the morning....
The mental power to concentrate and study during late nights at home after a real taxing day from dealing with people and physical work...
The mental power to distribute your energy evenly to all areas.... I'd dare say, even if i had the spare time, i didnt have the energy to focus and concentrate on the books...
And now... the mental power to stay focused amidst the overwhelming stress that is engulfing me, choking me to death every moment...

These days... i cant even sleep late.... I cant even wake up early.... Maybe this time, i really have to admit defeat to this mental war... or perhaps not?
No... its not over yet... I can still make the last struggle...

Maybe yes... maybe no.... maybe.... ARGH!!! I hate this feeling of uncertainty!!!

The outcome shall be released one and a half month from now....
Pray hard for me that i shall win....
*prays*

+ oNe FiNe dAy +

2005-10-22T08:28:00.000+08:00

It started with a very fine weather; cool strong breeze, blue sky with little specks of white clouds, everything fine on a fine day. But for an ordinary common girl at one corner of Earth, her world started with one of the worst storms in that year.

She tried, yes, she tried to overcome that storm, but it wasn't just a normal one. it was one that had been generating since the day she was born. but that day, on that one fine day, together with many other small sources of storms, it erupted into "The Perfect Storm". Ok, without that magnitude, but still as bad. Will Fate let her off? When she's losing grip on herself, who's going to save her?
----------------------------------------------

To any and everyone out there, on an ordinary day of yours, whether you dressed up or looked very sloppy, whether you combed your hair or wear wear contact lenses or not, just be yourself. Smile earnestly when you did, walk straight with confidence when you did. You never know when your presence can lift someone's spirits, even a stranger's, even when she's having one of the worst storms in her world.
----------------------------------------------

Thank you to that guy, whose presence had unwittingly extended his hand to pull the ordinary girl up from her storm, to really feel that one fine day. Though they don't know each other, he had really cheered the girl up, just by being himself. To her, he is the angel-in-disguise sent to save her in answer to her request in the morning. Perhaps that will be the only time she will ever see him, but he will always be remembered in her memories, how he had once helped to clear her stormy day. And she will always bless him with good wishes when she did. Thank you.

Thank you to that girl, whose presence had helped brighten that ordinary girl's day with her smiles. She is her close friend whom only see each other once in a while. But she never fails to brighten her day even when both of them were having bad hair days. Just her presence, her just being herself, is enough. She'll always be her much loved friend. Thank you.

Thank you to that other girl, who had willingly accompanied by the ordinary girl's side, throughout that day, from the storm at its darkest hour, to that truly one fine day. Of course, she also helped in that day's transformation. She didn't probe on the sources of the storm, just supporting her all the way. She willingly lent her discman to her when she needs it to listen to her favourite songs to calm her down. She listens to the songs with her though she wasn't very interested and though she needed to study for her quiz. Even when the girl used up twice her batteries in that time, she had no grumbles. She doesn't know if she knows how much she appreciated her gestures, but she really appreciate it. Thank you very much.

Angels are everywhere. In disguise.
The first one, the male angel, only appear once in her life with a mission to help her up from her darkest storm. And he completed that mission.
The second one, the female angel, always appear every now and then, to make sure the girl maintains her cheery mood and optimistic outlook in life, replenishin her energy and courage to face all adversities.
The third one, the female angel, is always by her side, supporting her in everything she does, no matter if her days start with bad weather or not, always makes sure that her days always end with one fine day.
And another girl, sometimes a bit dark, who called immediately after a short sms by the ordinary girl to offer her concern. She, is also an angel.

Thank you to all four of you for making her day.

And many others who are always there, waiting to lend a helping hand on other days of her storms, thank you in advance.

+ bAcKsTaB +

2005-10-18T23:36:00.000+08:00

What does backstab mean actually? www.dictionary.com defines it as:
To attack (someone) unfairly, especially in an underhand, deceitful manner: “Some backstab each other and threaten to settle their differences with a punch”

Uh... so what does it mean?
To me, it means talking bad about people behind their backs with the intention of blackening their names. But what if you are doing exactly the same thing, but without that intention? Still a backstab right? haiz... what if you are just grumbling to someone? Like this....

Me: Grr... I'm so pissed!
Pal: Why? What happened?
Me: Aiyah! I have this friend loh.... so irritating one!
Pal: How come?
Me: You see? she.... blah blah blah...! So how can i not be angry??!!
Pal: Oh... who's that?
Me: Aiyah.. it's XXX loh!
Pal: Ooooo... Aiya just simmer down lah... she's like that one lo....
Me: Haiz....

Is the above considered as backstabbing?? I dunno... i'd always thought it's just grumbling... I mean of coz the best scenario is....

Me: Grr.. I'm so pissed!
Pal: Why? What happened?
Ma: Aiyah nothing... nevermind... not worth talking about...
Pal: Ok...

So this is the most moral way... but thing is, most likely i'll go crazy or just die in my own flames...
To me, backstabbing is something like this....

Me: Hey hey! I tell you something!
Pal: What?
Me: You know XXX? Wah kaoz! She's so blah blah blah one eh!
Pal: Oh really?!
Me: Yah! Can't tell right?
Pal: Yah... Never thought she's this kind of person...
Me: That's right! so next time you be careful ah! And you better warn all your friends too!
Pal: Definitely!

So how? this last scenario is one that i dont think i'd ever been in before... I mean i'd never tell tales about my friends like this before... though people have told me about others like this... actually to believe or not, it's up to the listener... i'm sure everyone has their own mind to decide if the one being talked bad about is really that bad or just adopt a sitting on the fence attitude... it's not like they will believe everything they are been told about...

A backstabbing only works when the listener chose to believe... so....
PS: no point is made... just a note only....

Anyway, can someone please tell me if the 1st scenario be considered a backstab?
Well... in my whole life, i guessed i may have UNINTENTIONALLY or INDIRECTLY backstabbed someone... i mean, even if without that intention, a backstab is still a backstab....

So, i hereby sincerely apologize to anyone and everyone whom i had unintentionally backstabbed, though i hope there is no one...
If i really did, you know i don't mean it...
Cheers!

+ S.N.A.G (Part 2) +

2005-10-11T20:14:00.000+08:00

+ S.N.A.G (Part 2) +

Scenario 2: (SNAG & Gal on an outing)
(While walking)
SNAG: Eh.... Hee... when did you eat your breakfast today?
Gal: Huh? erm.... around 8am today bah... y?
SNAG: Oh nothing.... just that it's 1pm now.... wondering are you feeling a bit hungry? Hehe..
Gal: Oh.. yah... quite... Are you?
SNAG: A bit... Haha... Wanna go for lunch?
Gal: Okie! Where? What do you want to eat?
SNAG: I'm anything.. Anything you want to eat?
Gal: Uh? But i ask you first eh... I'm okay with anything..
SNAG: Nevermind lah... You choose...
Gal: Hmmm.... Wanna try that Chinese Ramen?
SNAG: Oh! I don't mind! Hahaha.... but i havent try that Jap restaurant before.... Long time din eat jap food already... Looks quite good... Heeezz...
Gal: Oh! Say earlier mah... Then we go try that Jap food loh!
SNAG(skeptic face) : Sure?
Gal: Yah lah! Let's go!

(After 10 mins, finally 10 more steps before reaching the doorstep of Jap restaurant.....)
SNAG: Hey you sure you want to eat Jap food?
Gal: Why not? You wanted to try mah... I also never try the food here before...
SNAG: Is it? But i thought you don't eat wasabi?
Gal: Yes i don't, but not all Jap food have wasabi right??!
SNAG: True... but.... hmm... the Shanghai Ramen looks good too.... You wanted to try that right?
Gal: Well... I said i have no preference already! So what do you want to eat? Can you please make up your mind?
SNAG: Hmmmm.... Ermmm..... I also don't know leh... Why don't you decide?
Gal: Grrr! I thought i already did! I said let's eat Jap food already!
SNAG: Are you sure? But you wanted to eat Shanghai Ramen right? But you chose Jap food to accomodate me right?
Gal: Goodness! You can stand here and think till the cows come home! I'm going home to eat Maggi Mee now! BYE!

Another quality of SNAGs.... Beating about the bush, too indecisive, and! always "hehe" and "haha" in every sentence that they say..... Like what's so funny??!!!

+ S.N.A.G (Part 1) +

2005-10-10T20:40:00.000+08:00

+ S.N.A.G (Part 1) +

Sensitive New Age Guy. Who likes them? New Age Gals? Seems like many of my friends YEARN for this kinda guys... Really?? EEEYER! I'm definitely not one of them! Not when they are tooooooo sensitive!

Scenario 1: (thru sms)
Gal: Hey! Do you have XXX file? Can lend me? i need it quite urgently..
SNAG1: Sure sure!! Can can! of course!
Gal: Thankie! So we meet tomorrow? where? I'm free after 7pm...
(Gal lives in Bedok and SNAG lives in Changi)
SNAG1: of coz meet Bedok lah! U are gal mah!
Gal(-.-!!) : ok.. So where n when?
SNAG1: hmmm..... i'll inform you again tml?
Gal: sure.

(Next day during Gal's tutorial)
SNAG1: Hey...Hey... sorri sorri for late reply.... when are you free later?
Gal: shall reach bedok by 7pm...
SNAG1: Hmm... or i pass it to another gal then she pass to you tomorrow? ok ok?
Gal: Tomorrow? Why tomorrow?
SNAG1: Erm.... how about i go to your house at 8pm to pass to you?
Gal: !!! Y dont we meet at Bedok MRT at 8pm?
SNAG1: Or i email to you instead?
Gal: Sure. Thanks.
SNAG1: Okok! I'll sms you when i sent.

So, does everyone find this SNAG cute and nice and considerate? Love him?
YUCKs! Not me!! So irritating!!!!!!!! kaoz! Wasted so much sms for such an easy thing! Cant he have more opinion?

Ideal scenario:
Gal: Hey! Do you have XXX file? Can lend me? i need it quite urgently..
SNAG2: Sure! When do you need it?
Gal: Thanks! Tml can? Where do i meet you? I'm free after 7pm
SNAG2: Ok, meet somewhere in Bedok. Will inform you the time tml.
Gal: ok Thanks!

(Next day during Gal's tutorial)
SNAG2: Hey! i dont think i'll be free later to meet you. Shall i email it to you?
Gal: Sure thanks! Sorry to trouble you!
SNAG2: No prob! will sms you when i'd sent.

See? Short and Sweet and message delivered!
i dont know about others, but i find SNAG1 ultra irritating! so wishy washy! wasted so much precious time n sms simply because he's trying to BE NICE! Eh excuse me? not to that extent ok? if he's really busy, then just tell the gal straight! there's no need to drag here drag there wasting everyone's time! she can always look for other sources! and is there a need to go to the Gal's house late at night to deliver something which she needs? they can always meet outside! It isn't even convenient for a guy to turn up suddenly at a gal's house so late! think of her family! ok, i'm conservative, so what? She's not even close with that guy!
SNAG2 is so much better! straight to the point and still being nice! and with lotsa his opinions and initiative!

Grrr..... if all SNAGs are like SNAG1, fine. I'll rather fall for Bad Guys then! :P

+ mEnTaL aGe qUiZ +

2005-09-15T12:16:00.000+08:00

+ mEnTaL aGe qUiZ +

Done the mental age quiz Lipyung asked me to do. Actually i'd done that before....

2 years ago, it said my mental age was 33......
1 year ago, it said my mental age was 30......
Now? The results shown.... I'm 22!!!!

What happened??
Does it mean I'm getting more and more childish?
Does it mean I'm rejuvenating? Have I accidentally drank from the Fountain of Youth??
Should I be glad or sad?

Of course I should be happy! Why? Not that I'm retaining my youth, because this is mental age, nothing to do with appearance! Because it simply means...
I'm becoming more like myself! I'm BEING myself!!

Yes! I'm sick of being a grown-up! I'm sick of having to take care of all the emotional and physical needs of all the people around me! Why should I take up so much responsibility when I'm even struggling to take care of myself? Muahahaha!

Haiz... of course, being 22 doesn't mean very young, doesn't mean I can behave like childish kids who can't grow up. Still, it's a time at least, to do something for myself. If i'm not going to start now, when? Am I going spend my whole life serving others and letting myself go to waste? Am I only going to start doing something for myself after I'm married and have kids? Nahz.... I won't have the time then too....

So... Just let me be myself yah? Not that letting me go wild or take drugs or what... Of course I know what I'm doing... and of course I know what's right and wrong for me....

But, don't force me to do what I don't want to, don't ask me to think like you (I have my OWN thinking), don't expect me to give you my everything just because I'm me...

Just.....
Let me be......
Myself.....
^_^

+ AccIdEnT +

2005-08-31T22:35:00.000+08:00

+ AccIdEnT +

Olritez! After all these years.... I FINALLY have an ACCIDENT!!!
That's right. And the victim is not me.

-.-" zzzZZzzz

All due to faulty brakes. So people, please bear in mind. Do not always think wheels have eyes. Even if they do, they don't have legs. They can't stop on their own even if they know they are going to bang into you. And even worse, some drivers can't even control them properly. Don't suspect. It's me.

That's why i NEVER want to learn driving.
This is for the benefit of not only me, but the entire world! The entire humankind, animalkind, botanicalkind and whole of ecosystem! Aliens? hmm... You think i can knock down one?

I hereby sincerely apologize to the p00r working lady whose left leg was imprinted with my tyre's black mark. Is it grease? Sorry to spoil your day right from the beginning of a bright morning. Just your bad luck to meet someone full of bad luck whose brakes are spoilt and whose feet are too short to cause enough resistance on the ground in time to stop. Hope your luck will get better. And remember, wheels have no eyes, no brains and no FEET!!

+ ChInA TrIp pHoToS +

2005-08-15T21:32:00.000+08:00

+ ChInA TrIp pHoToS +

Well well!! I finally managed to scan some pics I took from my

China

trip. Very late I know. Anyway, a sad thing was, my ultra old conventional camera was real lousy, hence all the blurry images. Hence these few I picked are some of the better ones, and of coz, after my editing using POWERPOINT! That's right, you didn't see this wrong. It's powerpoint, not photoshop. That's how backward my technology is. Haha...

Since I'm the cameraman for the whole trip, obviously you can't find me in it! Hahaa.... Actually I'm more interested in the sceneries and buildings and culture of China... blah blah blah... of course i also took pics of people, but in my haste to scan the pics and trying not to trouble my friend too much in her house, I only chose these few... or rather, she chose for me.... Coz I was too busy watching some shuai ges le.. wahaha... Hence she/me missed out some other nicer ones which i personally like. But nvm! I like these too!! Here goes....

A trip to Guangzhou!!!

This is a random image i took when we stopped to visit some factory.

D0N't sT0P!! aSk fOr m0Re!!

Shuai bu shuai?? Jealous bah?? =P

Nice? See the little purple flowers? It's Zi Wei flowers!! You know Ziwei Ge-ge in 'Huan Zhu Ge Ge'? Yups! She's named after this flower! Imagine this is the 'Zi Wei Yuan'! A garden full of purple blossoms!!! I really gasped out loud when we drove into it!!

This little island in the middle of a lake

Are you superstitious? At the time when this pic was taken, very dark clouds covered everywhere, all but above this temple of Buddha.

And now! MY PERSONAL FAVOURITE! I seriously don't know where is this place. My tour coach simply stopped at a junction and I merely looked to my right out of the window, saw this place and immediately dug my camera out to snap this shot. And guess what? Right after my snap, the coach went on its way!! It turned out to be one of the best, as in the resolution and such.

How about this?

Can you get that feel I felt when I first saw it out of the window? That nostalgic feeling down a deserted lane?

~~ eNd ~~

+ hAppI nAtI0nAl dAy +

2005-08-09T21:00:00.000+08:00

+ hAppI nAtI0NaL dAy +

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SINGAPORE!!! I love Singapore!!! I really do. The National Day Celebrations every year never fail to touch me. As I listen to the choir sing "Home" via tv, my mind couldn't help replaying lots of flashbacks, all those wonderful memories I had with my friends in Singapore, things I do, see, sing, say, which make me so proud being a Singaporean.

The first time I REALLY feel I'm a 100% Singaporean, when I feel I really belong to Singapore, when I feel I really love Singapore, is actually a few months ago when I went China, the first time outside Singapore via plane, which means, a place really far.

The moment I stepped foot on that foreign land, I'm beginning to miss home. Though everything reminded me of Singapore(even the tour guide said Guangzhou was modelled like Singapore), though everything there was cheaper, though the chinese were such friendly people, though it's clean and big and, yeah, the toilets have doors, I really prefer Singapore.

Why?

The main reason, which surprised even myself, is actually........ CURRY!!!! Oh my goodness!! I actually miss eating curry and hot stuff on just my fourth day there!! I thought I would love chinese food, because I'm a salty freak! I loves salty food, and that's what chinese food are famous for! Well, I did enjoy the food there, BUT i actually missed the curry smell and spicy taste back home!! That's when I realized, I'm really a Singaporean. The unqiue multi-racial culture was already fused into me the moment I was borned onto the land of Singapore. And besides curry, which I had for three consequtive days right after my return to make up for that 10 curry-less days, I missed

1) my family: though my mum was with me, but I still miss my beloved dad n bros, though irritating they might b at times

2) my friends to share my joy with: i left them back home missing me.. lolx... n one of my friends actually needed my help for something and I wasn't there for her.. so sorry... but we still managed to contact through sms, so it wasn't too bad

3) the language: Not that I'm really proud of Broken Singlish (note: Singlish is NOT equal to Broken English, so imagine Broken Singlish? Haiz!) but at least I can still understand and communicate. The people in Guangzhou all spoke Cantonese, which really pissed my off coz I REALLY don't understand! DUHZ!

4) the potable water: I'm not a fan of NEWater really, and I still can't bring myself to down one mouthful of it, but I'm so used to the water in Singapore, I always drink straight from the tap, to save the trouble of boiling the water of coz! yeah.. the act of a slacker... watever!! Anyway, in China, I don't even dare to drink BOILED water (i'm surprised I didn't get dehydrated, oh yah, I dranks lots of mineral water..)

Oh and there's a lot more. Okay, it's not that China is a bad place. It's really a very nice place, and there's also many areas which Singapore is not comparable to, but I just feel that Home still feels the best. And just those above are enough to fulfil the lyrics in chinese version of "Home"
......wo de jia... shou chang... wo de huan xi bei shang......

And guess what? When I saw Ah-du on the advertisement advertising about the "Uniquely Singapore" on the tv in China, I was so surprised and happy that I actually screamed for my mum to hurry come and see! And when I see Stephanie Sun's pic endorsed on a drink bottle in a supermart there, I was so excited that I bought the drink immediately! My happiness and reaction was even greater than when I saw F4's larger-than-life pepsi poster on the street! What I felt was like, Oh! It feels ssoooooo great to see a fellow Singaporean whom I know out here in this foreign place in the middle of nowhere, even though it's just a photo or image. I know it's a bit exaggerated, since I'm not even a crazy fan of Ah-du and Steph, and I don't know them in person, and the fact that I went to China with a tour of REAL Singaporeans, but I really feel consoled to 'see' the 2 of them in that lonely and friendless place. The sense of belonging. And I'm really proud of them, that their names actually reached out so far in Asia. That's probably why I felt so touched and my heart connected when the NDP showed a few clips of Singaporeans in foreign lands shouting out their best wishes for Singapore just now on tv. You can really feel.... that sense of belonging, that they really want to celebrate our nation's birthday with their families and friends back on our homeland.
This is the country, the place I truly belong, where I'm proud to be. Because only this unqiue place gives all the unique stuffs to the unique ME!
......shu yu zi ji... shu yu ni wo de tian di... you ai you meng you qing... hai you cheng zhang sui yue de dian di... jiao zhi wo wun xin yi ji......

Every year, I never fail to wear red tops on 8th and 9th Aug, whether I leave my house or not. I simply embask in my own joyous atmosphere of the national celebrations. Call it my imagination, my illusion or what, I can always see and feel... the air everywhere around me that is so dense with joy and happiness, the pride that WE, the citizens of Singapore, have come so far together! It's every Singaporean's birthday today!!! Hear!! Hear!!

Let's reach out for the sky, with wings we soar up high!!

As I watched the NDP just now, I really missed Rene. One may say, like I would in my earlier years, it's so silly to go there and squeeze with thousands of people and see tiny 'ants' moving around. But it's wrong! It's the atmosphere that makes the difference! I really missed that feeling. Rene, do you still remember how we cheered and waved our Singapore flags so madly, blocking everyone's view behind us, even though the whole block of them was like so still and quiet, making a fool out of ourselves and worrying if we would get battered to death? Hahaa... And how we sang the National Anthem at full attention and sang on top of our voices using diaphram and with so much emotions at the Singapore songs and in the end lost our voices?? And the pledge-making with such sincerity? How we waved at the President as he made his round as if he was some great superstar? How we made poor Kain sing and wave his flag though he was so paiseh? And the 'WOW' feeling as we watched the jets zooming past, the parachuters as they landed, oh! and the magnificent fireworks exploding, sprinkling the magical sparkles across the sky right on top of us!! Lolx...

They were all such fond memories.. National Day is like this, a day where families and friends gather to celebrate. Last year was with friends, this year with my family. For the first time in don't know how many months, my family finally sat down together for a meal as we watched the NDP on tv. It really reminded me of Chinese New Year.
Rene, it's okay if we can't get the tix this year and I'm sorry that you were down with flu... but nevermind! there's always next year, next next year, next next next year and more and more!! Singapore will go on forever and more!!!!!!

HAPPY 40th BIRTHDAY SINGAPORE!

( I got so excited watching the military vehicles and artillery parade that I might just join the Armed Forces after graduation after all!! =D )
Now, that's really something for every Singaporean to worry about. Hahaha!! =P

+ sUcCeSs +

2005-07-21T21:29:00.000+08:00

+ sUcCeSs +

When I'm done with collecting the answers to the question in the previous entry, I'm going to post the overall result. But now, I've come across one answer by a friend that i feel worth pondering about.

He said in ten years' time, he don't know what job or what position he would be holding, but he would definitely be very successful.
When asked how would he define 'successful', he replied that he don't know the specific words, but he would be someone whom others would think successful.

I decided to drop the topic because any probing would end up in a bottomless arguement. I find this answer quite.... hmm.... unusual, and in my own sense, pretty senseless.(No pun intended. It's just that answering is like as good as not.) But then again, it might not be so. That's why I think it's worth pondering.

I told my mum about this answer, and nonchalantly, she said,"That's good. Someone also said that before. And he is now the CEO of Creative Technologies company something."

Wow! Imagine my that friend being a multimillionaire ten years later!

But my question is: How is one deemed as being successful, by his own standards or because others think he is? (Note: this is not a qn about the definition of being successful. It is who deem you as one)

For me, so long as I feel that I'm a successful person, I don't care if others call me a failure. Similarly, if I feel lousy, even if the whole world worships me for being so successful, I won't consider myself as one at all. Because I am who I defines.By my own standards.

What about you?

+ tEn yEaRs +

2005-07-14T11:00:00.000+08:00

+ tEn yEaRs +

A quote from Eason's "Ten Years".
"......Ten years ago, I know you not. You don't belong to me,
and we remained strangers walking down the same old street.
Ten years later, we formed a friendship, with occasional nods and greets......"

Ten years. How many ten years does one have? Not a lot. Not more than ten. Well, maybe not, but seldom.
Many things can happen in ten years. The government would have changed twice. Terrorism may have been stamped out. London would have finished holding the Olympics.
For old friends, we had known each other for ten years, and counting. For some, we are GOING to reach ten years of friendship. For others, we'd just known each other. Can we even reach ten years?

It's a time of transition now, where some of us are going to the next stage of life, or on the verge of, or going to.....
So friends, people, males & females.....
please tell me.
Where do you see yourself in ten years' time?

P.S. I know this is a VERY common question, but this IS a serious one. Do think carefully and do not try to be funny. Thank you.

+ l0Ve tEsT +

2005-07-08T00:09:00.000+08:00

+ l0Ve tEsT +
(P.S. tis is not a quiz! =P)

People always say, bing bian, aka the love between a couple will be put to test once the guy needs to go for N.S. That's one stage. There's another stage: when the boyfriend is still studying and the girlfriend already working.

Similarity 1: In both cases, the environment which the guy and girl are soaked in everyday for a long period is almost totally different.

Similarity 2: For many stories I've heard, it was always refered to as the girl being at fault, that she changed and left for some other guys, "richer or stronger" as deemed by the "victims"(which are always the guys).

Definition: Breaking up is an agreement between the 2 involved individuals to part their own ways after deciding they could no longer be happy together.

Question: In a break up, there may be unwilling parties.
Does it mean all unwilling parties are victims of circumstances?
What went wrong? Who went wrong? Where had gone wrong?

(From a female's perspective)
[Note: I said "a female", it don't represent the whole female population]
Problem 1: Commitment. In a relationship, perhaps it's essential for both parties to spare time for each other. It's a role they HAVE to play ever since they agree to be with each other. In the both above cases, due to the different environment they are in, it is very difficult to avoid a clash in their free time. Even if they can manage to squeeze that little time, the energy level may not be full. They could be tired and such n such, bogged down by the stuffs of their everyday lives. One of them may start to imagine things, like perhaps the other party are no longer interested in their lives because they simply don't sound interested. Who knows? the poor listener may be too tired to "SOUND" interested, yet at the same time was still listening earnestly.
What if at a particular time when one needs the other the most, but that other is unable to be there? What if there are many particular times like that? This is when the 3rd party comes in so easily. Still, it's no one's fault.

Problem 2: When a girl goes on to study while the guy goes to NS, she gets to see and learn SO many new things! And when she just starts out to work, she'll learn even MORE new things! Could be good, could be bad things. But whatever it is, it widens her horizons. She learns, she grow, she mature. There's more perspectives.
Guys, on the other hand, lags. Generally, their mentality stopped at the level where they just go into NS. During the whole period, it was constant. For some, their mentality went haywire due to some problems or sudden surge of agitation. They got too obsessed with earning loads of money and the paper chase dunno what, etc, that they got so inferior, and their ego shot skyhigh. They could no longer bear their gf being "better" than them in their sense, and started "abusing" her emotionally.
For those who's metality remained constant, only continued growing after NS. For some it's even worse. Even after they finished NS, their mentality still remain CONSTANT!! Simply put, they are twenty over years old with only the EQ of a teenager. Sighzzz.....

If it's going to take a loooong time before their mentality paths can cross again, and it's obvious the communication has long broken down, why should one hold on to it? In the both cases of the guys whose mentality stayed or went haywire, is it fair to make the girl slow down or even stop and wait for the guy who might never come round? And for the girls who grew, are they the ones who really changed, or is it the guys who go stagnant too much that they are no longer who the girls used to like long ago? Love is only that much. Without constant communication and care and (fertilizers n water n sunlight n such), how long can a relationship really substain? Call it being practical or realistic. But the problem is, if the feeling is no longer there, isn't it better to let go?

Note: Of course there are also many couples who successfully substained their relationships through storms and earthquakes , fire and floods, all the way and walk down that red aisle together and live happily ever after. That's probably because they had managed to find that BALANCE in their lives which is a fine line between everything.
Congratulations!
*A salute to those of you*

+ pEaCe +

2005-06-29T21:53:00.000+08:00

+ pEaCe +

The calm before a storm. After the storm? What happens? Calm again.
So when you are experiencing a calm, what does it mean? A storm is coming, or a storm is over?

Peace. When nothing stirs, or after all the overflowing troubles finally die down?

Contentment comes after extreme happiness and sadness. Then when there's nothing to be sad about anymore, is that something to be happy about? Bliss. Content. Peace.

Transformation. A butterfly about to break free? An ugly duckling turning into a swan? Or simply a murderer in the making? Or the beginning to a tragic ending?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You do something that you like. Perhaps not the best, but probably somewhere average, or at least not the worst. But one day, you simply realise how bad you are at it. So bad, yah, one of the worse, if not the worst. Being bad at something you do, is bad enough. Being poor at something you love, it's wholly pathetic!

Or is it? Still, you'll reach a crossroad. First, start working hard on it and prove to the whole world and yourself, you can do it. You can be one of the best, if not the best! Second, simply dread the feeling of being a failure, so much that you stop doing it altogether. Find something else which you can fare better, but don't really have a passion for. After all, interest can be cultivated.

Any third road? Yes.
You may not be ambitious. You may lack the will. Yet, nothing can keep that fire from burning within you. It's not called Passion for nothing. It may be doused by inferiority, or simply die down with the Winds of Time. But it shall not yield without putting up a good fight, without burning wildly and freely in its own rights.

You may not be the best, but nothing can stop you.
If you can attain this feel in the face of the best. Despite being the worst. Peace. is. with. You.

+ bAcK +

2005-06-26T02:07:00.000+08:00

+ bAcK +

I'm back! Safe in a crazy world! Hahaha... The plane was nice... perhaps that's all? Nahz... and the male population there too... kekeke!

By the way, a note to Lipyung. You want me to dedicate an entry to you? There you go! It's in chinese. You should know where to look? It's at "Chinese totz" in my connection links! Ciaoz!

+ tHe eNd ? +

2005-06-13T13:44:00.000+08:00

+ tHe eNd ? +

I'm flying tomorrow. First time. Numb feelings.

If I never return, just wanna tell you all. I love you.
May Happiness and Health always follow you.

My dear mum, dear dad, dear bros; I love you.
My dear friends, dear relatives, dear classmates, dear colleagues, dear schoolmates; Take care. Don't forget me k?
Those who find me irritating, those whom I find irritating; I dun mean to irritate you, nor do I ever want to be irritated by you.

F4, ENERGY, TWINS, S.H.E., Taufik, Olinda, Daniel, Alec: I'll always support you! Continue to jiayou k? Never ever give up!

To THAT someone: I still do. Stay happy. For me.

There's so many things I haven't done nor achieve nor complete.
Would anyone finish them for me?
revolagnam: can you finish that thing for me? It's kept in my little striking yellow notebook. Thank you.
Minz: sorry I can't accompany you to do that stuff anymore. I know you will still have fun without me.

I haven't made up with my friend's bf who hates me. Hey guy, I no longer hate you. Let's just bury all the grudges k?

By the way, if I really don't return, would any of you remember me? Which of me would you not forget? Would you all want me to look for you from another world? Do you want me to chat with you in your dreamz? If one day you all saw me, but realise you can see 'through' me, would you all run away screaming in fear?

Do give a few comments even if I do return. Yeah? I know choi choi choi, but then, juz in case. 0_^

+ wEiRd dReAm +

2005-05-29T16:30:00.000+08:00

+ wEiRd dReAm +

I had a funny dream last night. there's this very very long Pasar Malam that stretches for 3 whole HDB long blocks. Then i was there shopping at 10am! A guy friend of mine, let's call him Guy A, was there too, but we keep cha1 sheng1 er2 guo4 and didn't meet. It was like in the movie "turn left turn right". But of course we eventually met. Then we sorta had a fun time then he even bought fireworks for me. But hello?! It was like 10 am in the morning!?!?! So in the end he said maybe we could continue walk walk till it's at night so that we can set off the fireworks? I was like dotz... how can there be anyone who shop at just Pasar Malam for the whole day? But then i met MissyC so I happily went shopping through the whole pasar malam again with her, and of course with Guy A tagging along. (We are waiting for night fall rememeber?)

Some how time flew. And I really mean FLEW! I could literally see the sky turn darker, not because it's going to rain okay? And all of us didn't need to eat. So we really spent almost the whole day just at the Pasar Malam! How boring can it get!? Hahahaa...

When it's just evening, we met another guy friend of mine, Guy B. And then for no reason, he suddenly wanted to woo me!! And he joined us in our walk in the Pasar Malam. But what's worse!? Guy A seemed to sense rivalry and started to get active also! So in the end out of a sudden, i had TWO guys sucking up to me all at once, fighting for my attention! EEwww!!

I got so scared i quickly walked away with MissyC. She was having a dot dot expression at the sudden change in the 2 guys' behaviours. But the 2 guys caught up and were fighting to give me a present, thinking i like crystals! Guy A gave me a pink crystal pendant and Guy B gave me a yellow one... And they were fighting to say the meaning behind those crystals, but i can't remember what's the stories, because I was so freaked out by then! I mean I quite like the pendants, but under this kind of situations? Oh manz!

I put the pendants on the floor (since they kept pushing them to me and they didn't want to take them back) and then turned and RAN FOR MY LIFE! And guess what!?! They CHASED after me!! And they are so fast! I admit it, i'm a slow runner, and those 2 guys are so fast! They sorta made a name for themselves in running during NS. So guess how fast they can get?

But then luckily, MissyC popped out from nowhere ( i believe she had ran along with me when i started running) and grabbed my hand and pulled me along to run with her. And mark it! She's real fast! Hahaa yah i still remember she's quite a fast runner during schooldays, and anyway i'm always one of the slowest in the 2.4km run... Hahaa oops!

In the end, we managed to shake the 2 guys off... we are THAT fast! Muahaha! Thanx MissyC!! How could i have managed without you!? Hahaha... We MuSt meet up real soon yeah? =D

Oh! and the both of us continued shopping in the SAME PASAR MALAM!!!!!! ~_~""

+ pHoBiA +

2005-05-13T15:53:00.000+08:00

+ pHoBiA +
I just realized something...something which i have been suspecting for very long... it is confirmed... i have a phobia... a phobia of guys? or rather... a phobia of relationships... or more precisely, a phobia of commitment.
Last time... when anyone show the slightest, ahem, interest in me... ok, forgive me for being bhb here... it could all be part of my illusion... but anyway, i would shun them at the slightest indication. Even if we are just friends, or close friends, or people whom i'm totally neutral about, or dislike ones or even those whom i have good impressions on, i would keep them at arm's length. And at the tiniest bit of move, i would really 'ju4 ren2 yu2 qian1 li3 zhi1 wai4', if you know what i mean.
i don't understand why. i really don't know. it's not that i'm a lesbian or what... or mayb subconciously i am... hahaa... but the thing is, it's just my natural reaction! That's how weird things are. I've always tried to come up with explanations for this eccentric behaviour. That's why i've been suspecting about the doubts.
But what happened today made me realize the problem really lies with me, that i really do have a phobia. It was like i do have guy friends. I do mix well with some of them. Crushes too! Or even hoping some would take the initiative to know me better. It wasn't that bad if any took that initiative you know? The scary part was, when you go out with someone, a friend, and the strong notion of him falling for you just suddenly flashed past your mind, it was so irky!! That's right! At that moment, i really feel like vomiting, literally! It was so turn off! Even if i may like that person, everything positive simply disappear there and then! i just feel like puking! hahaa... thats so pathetic! Why is that so? It wasn't that disgusting if someone you totally dislike keeps pestering you.
It was like i would want a friend to get warm up to me, treating me as a friend.. and more... i mean, as in a good friend or close friend. But when that guy started to get really warmed up to me, oh man! that gruesome feeling comes! It was just like i was so scared he fell for me, or worse still, i was so scared he THOUGHT I fell for him!!!! There's a difference with a guy liking a girl, and thinking that a girl likes him. If things went smooth, they will surely get attached in the end in both cases. But the problem is, I wouldn't want to be attached to a guy because i like him, or he thought i like him! Because i don't want him to be attached to me because he don't mind being my bf! I want a guy who truly likes me because he likes me, not because i like him. Now i guess no one understands what im talking about here. Well, so long as i know, who cares! hahaa..
And i finally concluded that it is a commitment problem. I'm a person who loves freedom, that i know long ago. I hate being restricted. That's why commitment is a scary word for me.
That's what i found out too. If i go out with a friend, and there's a group of guys having fun beside us, guess what? I would actually prefer to join the group rather than being alone just the two of us! That's how i am! I'm still the fun-loving kid! I prefer having fun with big groups, rather than reserving my energy just for 1 person! Of course if we are really close friends, I really don't mind, but in terms of having fun... oh man! can you guess how much fun i'm missing out? That's why i know i'm not ready for relationships yet... or maybe not... hahaa... i might really don't mind being tied down to that someone of my life... but then again... who is the TRUE one?
And the one last thing which i deeply believe is the main cause of my phobia... it's all about the negative issues of relationships around me... 80% of my friends' relationships, they got together and they broke, found someone else and got together, and broke again... i felt so sad whenever i hear my friends falling out with their other halves, dumping others or being dumped. Actually in a relationship, no one is truly right or wrong. the one being ditched may not necessary be the victim; the ditcher may have suffered in silence too long to come to this decision. Only a few i know are still happily ever after.... but then again, let's hope they can end till the end of the world... and one more thing... the funniest thing... 70% of the guys i know, tell me at least once that they find talking to me made their blood boiling... and guess what?
the statistic of the century!
100% of my girlfriends' boyfriends hates me to the CORE!!!
wow! i never know i'm that powerful!! HAHAHAHaaa

+ tRaVeLs +

2005-05-04T13:24:00.000+08:00

+ tRaVeLs +

Why do people travel? Work? Reunions with family? Friends? Holiday? Leisure?
How would one define 'going on a holiday'? Some how, 80% of the people i know, they go travelling because they want to go shopping. That's right... cheap deals, cheap sales... I guess they most probably either enjoy the process of shopping, or simply are just looking for sales to indulge themselves in...
Haiz... I want to go overseas... I want to go on a holiday... And that means to be mentally free... free from the stress and responsibility of everyday life... of school, of work, of family strains, or relationships... I want to be able to think about what i wish to think about, with no one interrupting me, with no one telling me what i should think...
I want to be physically free... to be able to do what i want to do... to do the things i normally can't do, or are not available in Singapore... I want to see all the wonderful things in the world... i want to see the different things, the amazing things, the beautiful things that can't be seen in Singapore... I want to taste the different flavours of the culinary outside Singapore... true flavours... of different countries, different cultures, different races... I want to hear the winds whispering in my ears, the trees softly rustling to each other, the waves lapping in the sea, kids laughing merrily playing on the streets, the hustling and bustling of a busy morning.... not the sharp retching of the motor engines, not of mothers screaming at their children for dropping an ice-cream, not the lifeless sound of a heartless office, not the gossips of a clueless victim... i want to feel Life... feel the Pulse of Earth under my feet... feel the Breathe of the blue sky above... feel the Hope shining in the starry Heavens up there...
No. I don't want to just go shopping... I can shop in Singapore too... So what if they are cheaper by a few cents, a few dollars, or even half the price? To me, they are the same... What's a few extra dollars as long as i like them...? Greater variety? Indeed. But i do not find the people in other countries having more dress sense than Singaporeans do. They just wear what they feel comfortable, and that's why we find them very nicely dressed. No. I don't want to go on a tour just to eat loads of cheap seafood... I can get them in Singapore too. No big deal. And one whole day of seafood? Kaoz! My blood cholesterol can simply shoot sky-high! No thank you very much. No. I don't want to go overseas just to go around praying at some temples. If I'm faithful, one God is enough for me. We have Goddess of Mercy right here at Waterloo Street. Just a bus away. No sweat.
Haiz... There's so many places i want to go... so many restrictions... so little time... so little money...
My dream land in the world... yes, a very magical land... yes, a very beautiful land... yes, a very musical land... and yes, a very expensive land too.... the piece of land under the stars.... yes, my piece of land under the starz......

+ bELieFs +

2005-04-21T12:40:00.000+08:00

+ bELieFs +

him: hey! I'm gonna pass you something related to your this field of study. Hold on a while while i get them. I keep forgetting.
me: orhz...
~ 5 minutes later ~
him: here... this one is roughly about..... blah blah blah..... (flips through 2 mags briefing me about some interesting but not so related stuffs.)
me: orhz... (saw a small black book about afterlife half hidden under the mags.)
me: ............. (looks at him for explanation)
him: oh, i've been wanting to pass this to you long ago. That time i heard you and that guy talking about religion? So i thought this might interest you. This book is mainly about afterlife, the religion only comes at the back.
me: oh... thanx... (try to force a smile)
him: So what religion are you now? Still free thinker having no religion?
me: uh? (thinks since when did i say i have no religion?)
him: what's your beliefs now?
me: oh... buddhism... family religion...
him: ok... perhaps it's time for a change.
~ huge pause ~ (coz i was thinking hard)
me: hmm.... i think it's time to study hard. Real hard.
~ enormous pause ~ (coz he was thinking hard)
him: yah.... i... think... you're... right... But just read that book. It's rather nice. Then you can see again if you wanna change.
me: ok. Thanx. (bury my head firmly back to my own stuff in case he decide to give me a lecture on religion again.)
CASE CLOSED

-_- <= tis my 1st reaction when this whole thing starts. When he's supposed to aid me in my research, he actually helped little with a purpose that is totally out of point! My religion!?!?!?! ZZZzzzzz.......

PHEW!! <= tis my reaction when this whole thing ends. Firstly, he didn't try to lecture me a whole precious hour on religion, or rather, HIS religion. Secondly, OMG! i actually dared to talk back at him about disagreeing to his religion and just wanting to study hard, and expecting to get away unscathed! But luckily i really did! And he even agreed with me! haha.. guess he also can't do anything with me.

What a weird encounter. Totally off track.
But if one day, another person comes along and ask me,"What is your belief?"
Buddism? Christianity? Taoism? Hinduism? Catholic?
Can i tell them,"i believe in Dreams"?

+ bIzArrE wOrLd +

2005-04-18T15:35:00.000+08:00

+ bIzArrE wOrLd +
by Mayday

.....a direct translation specially dedicated to revolagnam.....

If i speak of remorse, does it mean that everything will return to before?
Memories are so beautiful, living on is much more sorrowful.
Why does this world bestow onto Man so much grief?
I cannot understand, nor do i want to.

After thinking of you one whole night, i no longer recall your face.
You become a kind of feel, written upon a summer breeze.
Youth is the water of no return once it slips through your fingers,
which one works hard to waste, then works hard to regret.

How i wish i can fly to escape from this bizarre world,
where it's so filled with bitterness, tire, and unknown tears.
How i really wish i can fly away and escape this bizarre world....
If you ever find me, please don't try to dissuade my departure.

+ bUttErFlY +

2005-04-16T16:05:00.000+08:00

+ bUttErFlY +

There is a chinese saying 'zhuan niu jiao jian', which literally means digging in the bull's horn. (haha thought you got me huh? Cows don't have horns!) Translated into english, there's also an idiom "going round in circles".

That is actually a very terrible feeling. You feel lost, depressed, pessimistic, despaired, helpless and ultimately, hopeless. The only advice i can give, or rather, the only thing i can and will do, is just let myself get lost in my own world of thoughts and attempt to sort them out. During that time, i may appear in a daze, look sleepy, expressionless, listless. And i may take an hour, a day, a week, or may never come out of it. But have you ever experienced the wonder of it when you finally, and i mean, FINALLY, sort out your thoughts and broke out of it? That feeling is simply awsome! Overwhelming! You feel so light-hearted! You are FREE of the burdens weighing you down! You feel as if you'd reborne! Just like a butterfly finally breaking out of its cocoon, after umpteen tiring tries, after so many thoughts of giving up, you are finally able to spread your big beautiful wings and take a big leap into your new life... Zhan chi gao fei...

It is okay to feel lost sometimes. Setbacks are unavoidable. Disappointments are inevitable. Many a times, storms never seem to clear. The sun never seems to come out. Things never seem to go your way. Luck never seems to be by your side. Hope is never within sight. But behold! Take a deep breathe and open up your mind! Gather up all your determination! Garner up all your courage! Be confident! Break out of your cocoon! Use as much strength as it could get! Take as long as you wish to clear your doubts and sort your thoughts out! But take heart not ever to look back once you step out of it. Face each new day with hopes! You will find that life is actually not that difficult with a little more optimism and a bright smile. =D

By the way, being trapped in the dark cell of a cocoon is not that bad. At least you can meditate and think clearly in the safety of the protection, and grow up in the process. But do remember, when it's time to break free, do let go. After all, many butterflies over exhaust themselves when breaking free, and die in the process...

+ twIst +

2005-04-15T14:24:00.000+08:00

+ twIst +

Ever had a day where, when things seem to be picking up and life starts to get better, everything juz simply fall apart, all in one day?

Parents seem so understanding recently,
only to pick on you for not putting your socks away.

Friends may be few, but close enough to brave through storms.
Yet no one picks up the phone, when you need them the most.

Boss is a kindhearted soul who talks and laughs with you.
But you, silly muddled head, misplaced a thing of his and he got the blame.

Teacher is a man of patience and care,
and you failed his subject because you wouldn't give a damn.

Dreams are getting clearer and nearer because you work hard,
until someone comes along and gives a bad comment, that throws you back into the dark.

Life is all a twist.
Up and down, down and up.
Is today the worst a day can get?
Or more bad things are to come yet.

Believe in yourself, believe in your dreams.
Believe some day you will meet your Prince Charming.
Rainbows come out not after a storm,
but when the sun has finally shine once more.

Today may be bad, tomorrow might be worse.
But life doesn't stop, so dry up your tears.
Do not fear, do not dishearten.
Pick yourself up from where you have fallen.

Walk on bravely, Life will get better.
Better, worse... worse, better...
Life is just a weird cycle!

+ HaNg oN +

2005-04-02T08:08:00.000+08:00

+ HaNg oN +

PS: Exam is coming... HANG ON everyone! I'm also hanging on!! It's gonna be over sOOn!!

Once upon a time, 2 friends went mountain climbing. Just as they were about to reach the summit, one of them lost his footing and slipped, causing the other one to lose his balance too! And they slipped off the edge of a cliff! But both of them managed to hold on to their piece of rope which luckily was already fastened firmly into the land by the one in front. But now they were just hanging in mid air, about 7 storeys above ground. So one was above the other holding the same piece of rope.

"Hang on!" the one above shouted to the one below. The only way to save themselves was to climb up with their hands. They had to save themselves, even though they were very tired already.

So, shouting words of encouragement to each other, both of them hanged on and climbed up the rope slowly, which was so tedious. Finally, after what seemed years, the one above finally climbed over the edge of the summit and arrived safely. He immediately pulled the rope up to help the one lower who was still climbing. And finally, both of them stood safely on the summit, taking in the breath-taking view of the beautiful area about them.

Moral of the story:
1) Everytime u get into a difficult situation which drain u so much, always HANG ON! Someone will be there to help u.
2) Even if no one helps u, u can still get out of it anyway, that's if u HANG ON!

In the same evening, these 2 friends prepared to go home. They decided to go down by another side which have landings in short distance, which seemed to be safer since it was getting dark. As usual, one of them climbed down first with the rope as a guide. When he finally reached the safe land, the other started to slimb down. Now it was real dark. They had miscalculated the time since this side of the mountain got darker faster than the other side. Suddenly, as Fate would have it, this guy slipped and fell quite a distance down before he grabbed the rope and stopped himself just on time. Once again he was hanging in mid air.

"AAAhhhhhh!!!" He was panicking now. It's bad enough that he slipped, now he couldn't even see in the total darkness, and he was grabbing the END of the rope! He held on with all his might and was very desperate now. The other guy at the landing kept shouting for him to jump down, saying that he would catch him. But he was very insecure, thinking the other guy couldn't even see him, how to catch him? And he refused to do anything except to fasten the rope to himself and hang on for dear life.

"Go look for help! I'm hanging on!!" He shouted to his friend. His friend had no choice but to go on down without him. But he lost his way on his way up with help and only managed to find his friend during daybreak. And he found his friend frozen to death, with his hands still tightly grasping the rope, hanging 2 metres above where they stood.

Moral of the story:
1) Everytime you fall, don't worry. Someone will always be there to catch you, even if it means crashing them to their death.
2) Even though there's a risk that that someone might miss catching u and you would still crash to your own death, it's always better than staying in your original position where it means CONFIRM DEAD.
3) You should always HANG ON in dire situations. But there are also times when you must know when to LET GO....

+ N.S. +

2005-03-25T09:21:00.000+08:00

+ N.S. +

NS has always been a kind of fascination for me. Just the thought of protecting my country makes me go 'wow'. Of course, i also like the feeling of comradeship that will be experienced during the training... and the discipline and orders involved. Some people actually loathe the idea of being ordered about. They say it is being treated like a dog? Hmm... i wouldn't say so. I won't mind people screaming and shouting orders into my face, i won't die from that anyway. And somemore i can scream back into their faces too! "YES SIR!!" hahaha.. it's kinda fun! Oh yah.. that’s definitely different from being ordered to do mundane stuff like housework. Because in the army, everyone receives the same kind of treatment and everyone need to do what they like or don’t like. But in the case of... hmm for example housework... perhaps the work is not distributed evenly. Perhaps in the whole household you are the only person being screamed at for not doing housework. =/ Whatever! Oh.. and what's wrong with living life a little more disciplined? well.. maybe a lot more than a little.. but so? it trains your mind and mental strength, doesn't it?

Actually I had wanted to go serve the army before when I graduated from JC. Well, it could be due to the fact that I grew up with 2 brothers, and they get to serve the army!! Grr.. I went to all the talks on the NS stuff. Too bad though, Airforce was out for me because I’ll got ultra high myopia and astig . Navy? No thanks. Though I love the sun, sand and sea, I get motion sickness very easily. So I pretty much assumed I have seasickness too, and I really can’t imagine myself puking everyday onboard. That’s so pathetic! That left the land army. Haha.. I was almost tempted to join back then, and the most surprising thing is, my mum actually had no objections! She was one who had always disapproved me to do anything ‘masculine’ by her own standards; canoeing, rock climbing, tae-kwon-do or any other martial arts except those slow ones like taiji or yoga. Is yoga considered? Anyway, during the talks, I started getting worried. One of the biggest reasons being, I’m very accident prone. And I couldn’t even jump properly on both my feet! I can get a sprain from just jumping down a 1.5m high wall! That’s pretty amazing huh? And I was worried that I would fall out of course due to injuries which was very common according to the speaker. Then everything would have come to naught. Also I don’t have an athletic body, and I already had trouble passing my NAFTA, though I still did pass in the end. HaHA.. Then everyone started discouraging me from joining. My elder bro almost fainted when he heard of my suggestion, and his friend simply said I won’t be able to take it. Hmm.. so in the end I dropped the idea. Lalalaa.. Okay, all talk but no action. So? I like leh.. cannot ah? =P

Anyway, as my friends themselves got into NS, I heard more interesting stories, and I simply enjoyed them! Most of my girlfriends simply rolled their eyes when the guys started talking about NS stuff. I actually asked the guys about it! One of their most amazing things are their weapons or what with M16 or whatever.. I can never remember or understand. I only know a NC-16 though. Hehe.. And I can never remember their names for A-B-C.. A=Alpha, B=Beta... eh.. wrong.. Bravo! C=Charlie, D=Delta? E=??? Elite or Elephant? F=Foxtrot!! I love this name! Foxtrot! Sounds so nice! Hahaha... G=Gamma? Then I don’t know already. Oh yah.. recently my little bro was in NS, and that day when my mum called him, he was practically yelling over the phone, because someone had tripped over a pail of maggots and it was so sickening and smelly!! Wahaha!! That’s quite funny.. just imagine a group of guys making a fuss over maggots.. hahaaaz... I was so amused I told everyone I see the next day.. but they were like -_-'''

Anyway, my bro was getting sick of NS already. And so do almost all of my guy friends back then. They complained of the conditions there, the treatment, the politics... Okay I understand. But then again.. civilian life isn’t much better. But I definitely dislike guys who actually have the NERVE to say that NS is a complete waste of time!! A waste of their youth, holding them back from their careers, education and whatsoever and they wanted to migrate to foreign places just so that their children needn’t ‘suffer’ the same fate as them doing a part for Singapore!! Bullshit! Those guys to me are plain cowards and weaklings, that’s all! ok.. so i presume guys after reading this will come after me protesting => what would i know since i would never get to experience all these? Things are not as simple or easy as it seems. There's lots of other ugly sides that are lurking around but i would never know since I’m a girl. And they always refer those who never complain as those who belonged to the high ranks and they received very much respect and good treatment, and those who had complained were those who belonged to the low ranks who were treated like dirt. Ok I agree.. but this kind of treatment is available EVERY where! So what are they complaining about?

Anyway when my bro said about being sick of NS, my mum told him to bear with it loh… Bo bian.. that’s what everyone had to do.. just bear with it for 2 yrs loh.. it will be over soon. Eh.. I actually ‘told’ her off.. heez.. as in I told her she shouldn’t say like that mah.. tat would be like asking him to resign to his ill fate. No way… she should have asked him to find meaning in what he is doing now. Let him know that he is training to protect his country, his loved ones, himself. Though he don’t like what he’s doing, but at least it’s survival skills! One day who knows? He might need it! Nonetheless, the next day, I came by this story book by a local writer. And I bought my first ever fiction in my whole life for my bro (I always borrowing from libraries since I find it very costly to buy story books). “KO Island”. A book about what if NS men had to fight? About how a group of tourists were kidnapped by pirates and they applied their skills learnt during the 2 and half years of NS and ICT to fight back and save themselves! Don’t be surprised that all sorts of vocations were vital here! Do not look down on those supposedly ‘small’ positions; they were as important as commandos! In it contained lots of army terms which I don’t understand, but always hear the guys say! I finished the whole book in one go, not that it was very engaging, but because it fulfilled all my fantasy about the NS skills. I had always wondered what would happen if I really met a dire situation. Would I be able to survive at all? I don’t even know how to start a bbq fire with all the necessary stuff, let alone starting a fire with nothing! One friend once told me, if she ever landed herself in some ‘survivor’ situation like in the show, she confirm will die. I think me too! That’s probably why I had always been interested to go NS in the first place! To depend on those weaklings for defence and safety, I’ll rather help myself.

So guys! Don’t resent too much about having to ‘waste’ 2 years of your youth to be a ‘slave’ or going back for ICT. You never know when they will come in handy. Find meaning in what you have done! You should be proud of yourself for surviving those 2 n half years! If you still can’t accept the fact that you are bound to protect your home soil the moment you are born, try reading that book. After all, most of my perception of the life in army come from Army Daze and Bao Gao Ban Zhang series which are my favorite movies!! =P

+ |aUgHtEr +

2005-03-17T08:55:00.000+08:00

+ LaUgHtEr +

There are many types of people in this world. Hence there are as many types of laughter, since laughter is unique. In my short life up till now, I've heard quite an amusingly varied types of laughter. I've heard babies gurgle, little boys laugh, little girls giggle, Santa's merry laughter that goes "Ho ho ho!!", lions' roars "Bawhwoahwoa!", evil witches' hideous laughters "heeheheeehehe", perverts' "hiek hiek hiek hiek" smirking on their faces while rubbing their hands together, fishes' laughter, prawns' laughter, hyenas’ laughter (ok, you can’t call it as laughter coz that’s the sound they make, which is like a laughter), silent laughter and my own's "Muahaha!"s and "Wahaha!"s.

Laughter is the best medicine, so says the proverb master. Indeed, scientific researches have proven, laughter can cured most of the illness medicine can't. Simply because when one person is happy, his body is relaxed and his immune system get motivated and worked up to heal the body. In addition, when one laughs, you take in large and more amounts of oxygen and increase the blood circulation in your body, clearing your brain and freshening up your mind, and make the heart pumps harder. Alright, that last point is my own theory. So? Make sense right?

On top of everything, there’s still soft laughs, meek laughs, loud laughs, bawling laughs, evil laughs, merry laughs, all kinds of laughs in different magnitudes and longitudes. Longitudes? Hmm.. Whatever! Anyway, I just want to say, I called up a friend recently and caught up a bit over the phone. Something I said about the howling castles of a movie, which I don’t know what, I was blabbering, sort of triggered her laughing acupuncture and she just simply suddenly BURST out laughing! BWHAHahaha!!! This time I was stumped! I really wasn’t meaning to say a joke!? Anyway, I just sat on my bed listening to my friend laughing her lungs and heart out, and I suddenly realized what a nice sound that was.

Now I suddenly understand why they said ‘Laughing is contagious’. Because when you have a heartfelt laugh, people who hear it can feel the happiness in it. It is the Happiness and Joy that are contagious, not the laughter itself! And I also realize that, the best music in the world to the ears, well, at least to MY ears, is a heartfelt laughter.

+ r|gHt oR wRoNg +

2005-03-14T14:03:00.000+08:00

+ rIgHt oR wRoNg +

What kind of things one says at what kind of time usually has different kind of impact. The ideal kind of course would be to say the right things at the right time. This kind of people will give others a sense of maturity which would attract people to them. After all, if ever anyone needs consolation, or striking up topics with strangers, it will come in handy. Another kind is to say the right things at the wrong time. This kind would probably push a mood to an extreme. If someone is already feeling low, and you still have to say some harsh words to him even if you are correct, it will only aggravate him. Or when there is someone feeling so optimistic about something and you just have to pour a pail of cold water to dampen the spirits even though you are absolutely right... aww... that really sucks! How about saying the wrong things at the right time? This will result in outbursts of laughter! Yea.. being a clown... Whether people are laughing at your jokes or laughing at you simply because you are so brainless... it's for them to know, for you to find out. But the worse thing would be to say the wrong things at the wrong time. This is really a show of either being plain dumb or simply just childish, so people would say. The most irritating kind i suppose. Then it's best to just keep your mouth shut!

That's right! Most probably people will always yearn to be those who can always say the right things at the right time. People will feel comfortable with them, and they just get so popular. The right fashion, the right advices, the right music and the right words. Of course, there's so few who can actually achieve that! But come to think of it, to restrict saying what you really thought at that moment to just saying out the 'right' words, isn't it too pathetic? It would simply be so fake! It doesn't make him less a loser than any others! And if the whole world is full of the right people, then would just the right things happen? There will be no diversification of anything; of thinking, of speech, of actions. Life would be just plain boring. During discussions, there would be anything left to discuss about if everyone says the right things and agrees with everything said. There's only 1 point of view. Perhaps there's a need for someone to say the right things in the wrong time after all. Or how about the clown who always says the wrong things at the right time? That would certainly spice up lives. But of course, that person has to really don't mind if people are laughing AT him or WITH him. But what about the person who always say the wrong things at the wrong time? So what if he's irritating? It doesn't mean he doesn't have the right to voice out his opinions. It doesn't make him more of a loser then the others who either say the right words at the wrong time or say the wrong words at the right time. He's just another kind of person with a different personality or way of thinking that's all. Perhaps he really spotted something that's worth mentioning that just doesn't seem right at that moment, but to him it's perfectly alright? It could be that the others simply did not bother to really think deeply what is the message behind those 'wrong' words that's all!

After all, who depicts what is right and what is wrong?

+ cRuE|tY +

2005-03-10T15:42:00.000+08:00

+ cRuEltY +

"No!! Don't!!" i cried as i saw my friend crushed his head onto the ground. i clutched tightly the metal bars that separated us which had prevented me from rushing to his aid. His body went limp. Hot tears rolled down my cheeks. No! this is not happening!! I cried to myself. We were still playing hide and seek yesterday! Is this a nightmare?! Please let us wake up now! I closed my eyes. God! Please let us find ourselves safely in our beds when i open my eyes! I prayed desperately.

I opened my eyes slowly, expecting to see myself snuggled beside my siblings in bed. But NO! I'm still at my exact spot! With my friends lying motionlessly before me! NOOooo!!! My friends' limbs were chopped off one by one. NO!! They were still alive!! I could still hear their soft cries for help! I could still feel their warm breaths from afar!! They were twitching with every chop down! "Hang on!! Help will come!!" I screamed helplessly to them.

Suddenly, a hand swept towards me and reached out for me. "NO!! GET AWAY FROM ME!!" i yelled at the demon. "Somebody help me!!! You've done so much EVIL! So much CRUELTY!! God will NEVER forgive you! Your soul will be trapped forever in HELL!!" I tried my best to get away from that bloody hand! I scratched! I struggled!! I shrieked!! But it still wrapped itself tightly about me, so tight that it hurts! I couldn't breathe! AHHHH!! i grabbed the metal bars with ALL my might! I'm going to hang on with whatever strength i have! I'm NOT going to give in!!!

But all my might still wasn't enough. Before long, i was jerked out into the air... and DOWN my head CRASHED onto the ground! Just like what had happened to all my friends before. PAIN!!!! But no... I'm not going to give up... Even with what little strength that i had left... even with whatever tiny hopes there was... i would still struggle to escape...

CRASH! My head banged against the ground ONCE MORE!! And another! That initial piercing pain was no longer pain anymore. Instead numbness took its place.. and it was beginning to spread through my whole body.. Is this the end? And i going to suffer the same fate as my friends? My friends? What are happening to them now? I took one last peer out of my barely opened eyes to my friends' bodies... and what i saw actually gave me enough strength to open my eyes HUGE once more!! Those demons were peeling off my friends' skins!! My friends were skinned ALIVE!! Those inhumane beasts!! They were NOT fit to be even called beasts, let alone humans!! They are worse than beasts!! And not just them!! But all humans in the world! Those who will wear genuine fur coats just for fashion! Just for showing off!! Those who will kill animals for sport, not food! Those who will abuse harmless animals for the sake of game! They do not deserve to be called humans!

And as i saw an axe coming my way, i slowly closed my eyes. Perhaps i should finally give in now. Perhaps if i don't struggle anymore, it will not be so painful when that axe came down.....

This is taken from the 1st minute of this video clip which my friend sent me. I could not watch further. Not only is it too gruesome for me... I was so infuriated and fuming mad that i had to keep myself from screaming and throwing my fists into my monitor!! Yes.. INTO my monitor. Everyone, please help to spread this around... Stop animals cruelty now! Imagine one day, the person talking above is a human being and not a beaver( i couldn't see clearly if they are beavers or not.. coz i was fuming mad already), how would you feel? I'll put the link to the clip here. Warning to all of you first. If you guys can't stand cruelty and gruesome stuff like me, don't watch. It can make your computer broken in 2 mintues. Disclaimer: I won't be held responsible for any damage, physical or mental, caused by this entry or the clip.

http://my.so-net.net.tw/sirwang/fur.wmv

PS. Oops! seems like this link cannot work? try refreshing the page? if still cannot nevermind.. anyone interested? leave ur email... I'll try to send u...

+ |aSt |aUgH +

2005-03-08T15:11:00.000+08:00

+ LaSt LaUgH +

Oh man! I just don't understand why! He just keeps following me! No matter what i do, no matter what i say, he just simply won't disappear! Everyday, i will see him... at home, at work, in school, and even in my dreams! And what's worse! Whatever i eat, he will follow suit! And the more delicious food i have, the closer he trys to stick to me! Grr...

I tried running, running away from him... but no, to no avail. I tried screaming, nagging, and even begging him to leave me... but nah... he doesn't even care! "Climb the stairs!" everyone would say to me," he would be too lazy to take the stairs to follow you home! it's the best way to get rid of him!" But yah, don't they know i'm lazy to take the stairs too? duhz!

Okay, the last resort! Don't let him have any good stuffs to eat! Since he eats whatever i eat, i'll make sure i eat the lousiest food, so that even if that doesn't repel him, it will still make him weak, too weak to follow me anymore! Yes! Wahaha!! Eh but wait... Doesn't that make me weak too? Ewww... Doesn't that mean i can't enjoy the good food anymore... just because of him?? Argh! That's so dumb of me!

So what should i do? To get rid of him? Argh! i can't stand it anymore! Wherever i go, i can feel him jiggling, bouncing and whatever to describe that sickening him! Even when i swim, he keeps me afloat! i have to use so much effort just to dive to the bottom of the pool! Because of this natural bouyancy! Kaoz! i swear i will get rid of those sickening fats one day! Hmph! Mark my words! i will slim down one day!!! And i shall have the last laugh!! MUAHAHA!!!

+ fR|eNdSh|p +

2005-03-07T14:00:00.000+08:00

+ fRieNdShIp +

I was walking down this path. The sky was so blue! The air was so crisp! On both sides were meadows of flowers! Yellow, red, pink, and even blue! The breeze was soft, the birds were chirping... Ahh.. How wonderful!

Then along came a girl of my age. "Hi!" she said to me. And we became friends. We laughed together, we walked together. Then suddenly, i felt big drops of rain on my face. "Oh no! I've forgotten to bring my umbrella!" i cried in dismay. She turned to me and said,"Me neither! But it's ok. Come on! it's a nice feeling to be in the rain!" and she took a big breathe, closed her eyes and embraced the rain, with a content smile on her face. I was a bit skeptic about it, but still i followed her. Wow! that feeling was really wonderful! And we continued our walk down the path.

At a point of time, we got hungry. But not to worry! I've got my piece of sandwich! I split it into two and we shared my only lunch. Though we were not really full, but it's ok! We shared everything we had, including our fears and dreams. But of course, we also had our share of quarrels and disagreements. Somehow, though i tried my best to forgive her, i realised that i couldn't forget. i didn't know about her, but i guessed it was mutual? i felt like perhaps i didn't know her well enough; perhaps she wasn't the person i had thought her to be.

i tried to remember how she had helped me climb that hill which the path crossed. i tried to remember how we had sung our hearts out under that starry night. Yet i still could not fill in that gap between our hearts, or so i thought. Mum once said,"The relationship between people is: stay if we click, split if we don't". Well, i supposed i need not be too bothered with her then, afterall, she might not even be too bothered with me, just that we were walking along that same path that's all.

Then one day, we finally reached a meadow of flowers again! She was so captivated, she wanted to pick a armful of them! Me? Yes i liked them too! But i was more concerned with carrying on with the walk. But she insisted of staying for a while for the flowers.

"Okay, then i'll walk on first. Catch up with me when you are done alright?" so i said to her. She nodded joyfully. I carried on walking alone, and eventually came to this point with the road split into two; left and right. Now what should i do? i thought to myself. Should i choose a path, or should i wait for her? After much consideration, i decide to take the right path. It looked straight and clean enough. It might lead me to the place i want. What about my friend? Well, it's up to her. I assumed she would choose the path she wants when she came to it and well, if Fate allows, we might walk on together again!

And so, i happily took the right path, without realizing that a moment later, my friend took the left path, not because she had liked it, but because she had thought that i would take that path.

And i continued alone down that path, that path called Life....

+ tHe nAmE +

2005-03-07T06:15:00.000+08:00

+ tHe nAmE +

A name, is nothing but a name.. A rose called by any other name, would still smell as sweet... Juz like a handphone number.. the number itself is meaningless.. what makes it meaningful, is when the person on the other side of the line picks up the phone and at that moment, you and him are connected... The same for this blog. *~ the piece of land under the starz ~*Nothing meaningful till i have filled in the posts, the content is what matters.But i suppose my content should be related to this name.. the piece of land under the stars.. where it can only exist in a place without the sun.. where darkness is everywhere, lit by the only dim source of energy -> the moon. Which would even vary with her moods, sometimes bright, sometimes dim, and sometimes might even disappear without a trace, leaving the world in darkness... Yet there's still the stars, still hanging there, with much perserverence... even though the sun would blind them, even when the moon abandon them, they would always be there, giving everlasting hope...
Yes! I'm crapping! this blog that has such a nice name is actually full of craps! That's what i've said since the beginning: a name is NOTHING but a name! Wahaha.. Now you get it? Never judge a book by its cover! Never judge a blog by its name! and Never judge a person by his looks! Correct! This is ME! So what? This is my blog and i'm free to write anything! Muahaha!! Pissed? Angry? Fine! this is just the 1st one.. with only 10% of my full crappy powers! i suggest those who think that I'm crazy can just click on the X button on the top right hand corner of this page and never come back again! For those who think they understand all the craps above, you are welcome to keeping coming back.... at your own RISK!! =P

*~ tHe p|eCe oF |aNd uNdEr tHe sTaRz ~*

+缘分 还是 有缘无分+