+颠覆俗语+

明知山有虎，偏向虎山行。

爬到山上才发现山上原来没有虎。没关系，继续前进寻找下一座有虎的山。

一种米养百种人。

我们是第一百零一种。

没有热情地工作的人很可悲，但若一直傻傻努力不求回报地付出却永远一再被别人消毁所有成果的人更可悲。

+缘分 还是 有缘无分+

缘分 不是在一个联谊网络里认识一个人，然后发现那个人原来在隔壁的公司上班
而是 为了认识更多人来忘记某个人才加入联谊网络，却被那某个人在网络里找到

如果你心里有个他 你便刀枪不入
而我心里 也有一个刀枪不入的他

有些人 习惯了往回看 却忘了如何往前走
九把刀 却懂得如何回味 而向前走得更远
而我 早已习惯了不等人 独自走下去
感觉对了 未必要出发
藏在心底 偶尔寂寞时 拿出来回味一下

True or not

Recently been feeling disturbed, and yet can't really decipher what I am feeling, until i saw a post on Facebook by a friend of my friend:
"Life is not about people who act true to your face, but about people who remain true behind your back."

Exactly.

I like my current job for now. But what is stressing me out is that i like my job, and nothing else. Apparently, those who work with me or under me, thinks i'm incapable. Those who work around me, thinks i'm a self-centred spoiltbrat. And the worse thing is, none of them showed they thought like that of me at all!

Superficialilty.

Nowadays, i no longer feel any sense of achievement or happiness whenever i complete something. I can't feel any sincerity when people congratulate me. I don't feel any sincerity when i said thanks to their congratulations. It's all just a formality, which is as good as none.

So what happens when I start treating people as just colleagues, being superficial, being nice, saying only the 'right' things, telling them only things they want to hear? They find that suddenly, i'm a very nice person to work with! Faint... I feel so fake.

Friends can't be colleagues, and colleagues can never be friends.

Now I see the beauty of this phrase. After all, what matters in work is that, who cares if you are true or not? So long as you make people feel good, so good that they are willing to slog for you, then you've just proven yourself to be the competent and capable manager.

Yes, with time, i can do that.

But do i want to do that?

Counting down to 14months, before i have to make this decision.

+ d|sc0|oUrEd +

These days, I have a weird feeling... not knowing what it is, but just weird.
Until today, i got it.
I don't know what to do with my life.
That's why i like idol dramas...

Since young, life has been purposeful. Our aim in life was to pass the exams each year. For ECAs, we had competitions, performances etc... In everything we do, there is an ultimate goal. Something to look forward to. When something ends, another begins. This is the joy of life, a colourful one.

What about now? I still don't know. When you know you had to do something irregardless if you like it or not, you will still do it. But when you are given a choice, suddenly, you can't find any reason to go on. It's not like I'm moody or what... I do wake up in the morning in very good spirits. And then? Do what? Haiz.. Clueless...
I know, some will say, do something you like, go out with friends, etc. And then? Another day pass... another week pass... then months... then years... then thinking back, wait... is there anything to think back at all? *sweat* There are things i want to do, but i just don't have the motivation to start, or to complete. Suddenly, things seem to have a lack of purpose. Anyway, sometimes, you just feel like relaxing without too much excitement.... looking back, i just realise i've relaxed my youth away.... zzzzz

About work wise, work doesn't seem to have any goals too... work will just go on and on, until the day you quit. I know this sounds funny from someone who had just changed a job, and who is glad she did. But still, don't understand. I know of some people with funny goals, like, be a millionaire by age 35, or retire by the age of 45 etc, which don't really make sense to me though. Anyway, after retirement, do what? Do anything you like? Like what? I don't think i need to wait till i'm a millionaire or a retiree to ask this question.
Actually I'm curious. For example a dentist with his own dental clinic. What can he goal for? The number of teeth he can fill everyday? Purpose.

Which is why i like to watch idol dramas. Besides the cute actors/actresses and the romantic sweet pure innocent love stories, one thing i like is the fun that everyone seems to be having, whether in the story or in real life. In the stories, the characters always have something to work towards to. Their will, their determination, their passion, whether or not they succeeded in the end, they're always burning with life. Out of the story, though it's tough work for the actors/actresses, still they had fun, or at least gained the experiences of being someone they may never be, or doing something they may never have done.
Imaginations gone wild, imaginations gone real.
But the most amazing part that i like about the idol dramas is the ability of the production crew to influence and control the audience's emotions, with plot, music, and even the angle of the camera.
Not that i envy the lives of the artistes... They surely have their dark sides too which i don't think i can endure, it's after all their work too. But even if it's really JUST a job, they still do have an end and a beginning. They have a purpose. When they finish on a production, they move on to start another one. And years later when they look back, they had all the DVDs and CDs to record the fruits of their labour. Nothing is in vain.
They have a legacy to spread. Look at Beethoven. So many years since he was dead, yet he still lives. I do no need to live for so many years. But what do I have, or what can I do to mark my once insignificant existence? Yes, the easiest way is children. Your children is a part of you, not just your resemblence in looks, but through the upbringing of them, you have passed on your knowledge, morals, habits. You will continue to live in them.

Which is why the most common of common sense which is to be instilled in us since young is that the purpose of living is to, study hard, get a job, get married and have kids. Yawnz... Boring, but sensible still. Which now the problem is, how to leave a legacy even if i do not get married and have kids. Even for Jane Austen, she never marry, yet she had written a few of the greatest classic novels of all times.

But before i find an answer to that last question, i have to solve the first question first.
What do I want to do with my life? Not too exciting, but a colourful one.

And regarding that poor dentist whom i talked about just now, perhaps he does find purpose in curing his patients of toothaches, and therefore he passes down his legacy, through people's mouth, in the form of a tooth.

+ Carelessly Spendthrift +

Was updating my resume just now, and I remembered how meagre my pay was during IA. However, life seemed much easier then than now, when my pay is so much higher....

My parents also didn't give me allowance during those times, and I survived solely on my own earnings and savings... yet i always seems to have more than enough... the sum in my bank account never hit 1k, but i'm not really bothered by it...

Nowadays, my parents also never give me allowance, and I'm still surviving on my own $$... and even after minus-ing away the allowance i contribute to my family, the insurance, the remaining is still more than the meagre pay during IA.

But it doesn't seem enough anymore.....

How come?

Have I adopted the habit of spending carelessly? I think so eh.... Oh dear....

In view of the economy downturn, everyone's anticipating a pay cut, or even jobless.... sooner or later....

Will I be able to re-adapt myself back to the thrifty old me, enough to live happily the penniless days, or will I be desperate and in despair, complaining and grumbling my days away?


But one thing to be glad about is, i do not have much commitment yet, like housing or car or spouse etc....

A blessing in disguise.

+ C|nDeRe||a +

This is how the story usually goes:

Cinderella and Prince Charming met at the ball in a dance, under the eyes of the others.
Upon midnight, Cinderella left in a hurry before all magical effects disappeared.
In the process, she left a glass shoe.
Using the only clue aka glass shoe, Prince Charming searched all over the kingdom for Cinderella.
Eventually, he found her. They got married and lived happily ever after.

End of story.

I've always been amazed at how Prince Charming and Cinderella can fall in love with each other in just one night. What is so romantic about the story? Some say it's the extent that Prince Charming can go to to find the lady he loved. The only conclusion: Cinderella is too beautiful.

There are some similarities to the story.

It was also a ball.
It was also in a dance where the first meeting took place, also under the eyes of many others.
Upon reaching home, reduced back to the usual be-spectacled, messy haired, rundown dressed and careless self, which I am sure he will not recognize. (There is really a very great difference when being dressed up and dressed down)
Anyway, this story ended even before midnight. Haha.

But now I can understand where the most romantic part of the story is.

It is the moment of connection between Prince Charming and Cinderella.

Well, at least Cinderella left a glass shoe.
I only left a name.

WAKE UP! IT'S ALREADY MORNING! STOP DREAMING!

Okay. I'm not thinking or hankering after much. I admit I am no great beauty. I am content to have once been part of the story.

^_^

+ n|gHtMaRe +

Seems like what I feared is true.
But luckily, it ended before things get worse. But I'm not sure how long will the aftershocks last before it dies down though.

People are always scared to be rejected, scared of loss of face or whatsoever. But then, please spare a thought for the poor person who is rejecting. I feel it's such a traumatizing experience to be the one rejecting you know? Scared of hurting someone.

You see, the one rejecting is actually the victim of the circumstances. The problem is brought up by the one who is rejected, but the one rejecting cannot lie! And the one rejecting HAS to reject! And is forced to unintentionally hurt that someone who is being rejected. Do you know how hurting it is to hurt someone, and even without intenting to in the first place? So who is the victim now?

Anyway come to think of it, which is worse? Losing face, or hurting someone? Hmm....

Well. The moral goes down to, please people, next time you wish to express something to someone, please be more sensitive! Watch out for signs of any discomfort from the other party, and do not impose your ideas onto them even though the other party is freaking out like mad.

Any chances of not being rejected will be shot down immediately!

On another note, I know someone who is unfortunately involved in the recent case of the plane that met with a slight mishap. This is even more freaky than what I had been through the past few days, because this concerns life and death!! According to her family, she is still in shock, even though she has arrived safely in Perth with a slight sprain. She is a strong lady, but when she recalls the events that had happened on the plane, she is still shaken. Come to think of it, perhaps my reaction to my case is a bit over-reacted after all. This then, is considered a real nightmare.

Her family and friends kept telling her to let go of her newly established work overseas and just come back home, but I not very sure if she would let go. However, someone told me, ultimately in life, what is the most important? What will company you to the end? Family and yourself. So who cares about the career so long as you can be with your family safe and sound?

This really set me thinking. Real thinking.
True.
Ultimately, family and myself.
Ultimately.

*new ideas formulating in my mind*