+ f00d? +

Does this look nice??
Can anyone guess what's inside??


Disclaimer: No prizes for correct guesses.






and what is this??

+ tHe iNf|uEnCe oF Da Chang Jin +

One afternoon, in the kitchen, Mum prepares for dinner,

me: Ma, do you think the actress in Da Chang Jin are really so powerful that they can chop their food so fast or do your think it's actually other people's hands?
the kid(chorus): Ooo Na Ra Oooooooo Na Ra....
me(joins in the chorus): A Du Ooo Laaa....
mum: Of course it's for real. All of them undergo training before they start shooting this film, or that's the way how they really cook lo...
me: oh.. so can you chop fast fast too?
mum: Like this lo... (chops very fast)
me & the kid(in high pitch): Ooo Na Ra Oooooooo Na Ra A Du Ooo Laaa....
me: Shall we visit Korea next time? Then we can eat real Korean food!
mum: Can... But seriously i don't think their food will taste nice to me. Everything is stirred up till so.... Nice meh?
me: Hmmm.... Ooo Na Ra....
the kid joins in: Oooooooo Na Ra A Du Ooo Laaa.... Ka Ta Ra Kaaa Ta Ra A Ku Da Raaaa....
me & the kid(in super high pitch): A Na Ni Aaaaaa~~
dad(suddenly out of nowhere): Oei! People wanna sleep lah! So inconsiderate! And you always complain that people are too noisy when you sleep!
me & the kid & mum: Oops!
mum: Carry on sleeping now lo...
dad: Can't sleep already lah.
And he turns on the tv and loud volume,
TV(advertisement): OOO NA RA OOOOoooo NA RA A DU OOO LAAAaaa....

dad: -.-!!

+ tHe mAssACrE oF tHe c0cKr0aCheS +

I noticed a disturbing sign just now. Out of nowhere, a big cockroach appeared in my living room, and it walked one whole round before my father sprayed at it with a can of pesticide. Initially i thought pesticide is for plants and won't be as effective as insecticide. But nope! seems like it's really effective! hahaha...

Then half an hour later, i went downstairs to run an errand. And guess what?! The moment the lift door opened at the first storey, before i can even step out of the lift, i saw DEAD COCKROACHES lying all around the lobby! Not one, not two, BUT ELEVEN!!!! Yea i counted them coz i was too overwhelmed. Almost got a shock. I'm beginning to sense something wrong... Then i walked on through many void decks to get my things done. And what do i see? More dead cockroaches! And they are mostly concentrated at the lift lobbies, though there are a few spewed across the open spaces in the void decks. When i passed by a household, those kind that is on the 1st storey type, i smell insecticide. It could mean that, like mine, a cockroach had just visited them. As i passed the drains, a few cockroaches are moving around too. Right in broad daylight! This errand trip, I walked a longer than usual route, because i have to keep going around in circles to avoid dead n alive cockroaches. Imagine seeing more than 20 cockroaches, dead and alive, in one go? Ultra disgusted.

What happened? Why are so many cockroaches out in the streets in broad daylight? And most of them are dead? Are the nests suddenly wiped out? But that would not be an easy feat, because it would mean wiping out nests at different locations at the same time! And what caused the wipe out? Poisoning? Disease? the professional Insect-killer? What day is this in the lunar calendar? Is today a special day? Is it the weather? I heard that when many insects are killed together in one day, some supernatural forces are involved? Or is a great catastrophe going to happen? Earthquake? Flood?
What?

+ hE|p|Ess +

Sometimes i really wonder... Now I know... I'm actually such a senseless, or nonsensical, bitch in the eyes of many. I'm a saneless, act cute buay cute, brainless old hag trying to behave or look juvenile, who always complains about everything around me and criticise anything i can get my eyes on and whines about all the stuffs that gets on my nerves.. and not to forget, an extremely easily irritable emotionally unbalanced female who would not think on both sides of things and can only see things narrowly from that tiny one point of view.

Sigh... When i voice my opinions on some subjects, obviously i know what's the big picture and what is and what is not. Obviously i know the whole world is not like how i said. Of course i know what i've pointed out is only the minority. Does one expect me to rattle out a whole GP essay before I point out that small insignificant point of mine? Am i expected to repeat that essay every time i want to add on to my tiny point? It's precisely everyone knows about the general view and the facts, that's why i intentionally omit it out when i voice out a small point against it. Why is it called a general view? Because everyone knows it! Since everyone knows it, why should i repeat it? But somehow, people will start thinking that I'm so prejudiced that i fail to look at the big picture and that i generalized the whole population by my words, by that small point because i thought it to be so logical. Sigh... Must i repeat myself? Obviously i know there are still many different kinds of view on the same subject. Obviously i know there are still many kinds of people better than those i've pointed out. Obviously i know what i've pointed out is only a small tiny instance which the sampling rate may not even be significant enough to make any conclusion. Obviously i know it can even be an isolated and random incident on its own. Why can't people even trust my sanity, my judging, or even thinking abilities? Am i really that brainless to them?

Indeed, i may appear insane at times. I may sound babbling nonsenses at times. Well, I admit. Sometimes i really hope i can be insane and babble gibberish. At least I need not face all these craps. But the truth is, I'm still as sane as ever. If only someone will really sit down and listen properly to what i say. But then, it's another funny thing. Because some actually find me depressing. Sometimes, how a person interpret something actually is dependent on the listener himself. He may hear or read neutral words, but he can interpret them as depressing, or happy, according to his own mood at that point of time. I admit i'm at bit more expressive in my words at times, but most of the words i chose are neutral. I may look or sound explosive, but why can't i lose myself at times? Why should I always be level-headed?(even though at the end of everything i'll still be the level-headed me) But can't I even express myself, or even get overwhelmed by emotions sometimes? I'm not a saint, nor a public figure. I'm just a nobody. I am just me. Even if I drop dead in the busy streets of Orchard Road, no one will notice or even miss me. I can look or sound one emotion, but i'm actually feeling another emotion, which can be totally opposite. This is my way of expressing myself. If people can't understand, i can understand that. So long as i understand myself, it's ok. Because this is all that matters. But if people interpret me as depressing after me letting them on my innermost thoughts, then I'll rather not do that. At least i won't make other people sad, even when i'm not being sad to begin with. People can choose not to listen.

When I'm happy, I'm happy. And I do have my own ways to show that. And I do not do that deliberately. It's just an innate thing. Even i myself may not realise it. To think people, even those very close to me, say i'm acting cute. I know i look older than my age. i know i'm very big sized. i know i should act mature. But does that mean i should control everything i do, everything i am, everything i feel? If so, what's the difference of this from acting cute? Both are putting a facade. For what purpose? I empathsize again; I am not cute, and I do not act cute. Cute is an objective term. Some things that i do, to you it may seem acting cute. If that's the case, then all i can say is, I'm sorry, there's nothing i can do about it. What if i behave in a way which to you is natural and not acting cute, but to some other people I am acting cute? Do i have to change my behaviour again to suit their terms? Or do i behave differently in front of different groups of people so that the groups of people can accept me? That's such a chore. It is not worth it to waste life like this. People, get alive please. Stop living for the sake of living. Stop living for others. Of course, some people are going to say, "Then how? So others are going to suffer on the expenses of you being yourself? By being yourself, you won't spare a thought for others?"

See what i mean? Why can't people trust me? Obviously i do not mean it that way. I trust humanity. I trust that everyone has their own minds that do not need to go to extremities. That's why I do not bother to explain myself. But seems like reality is sometimes more disappointing that you think. In this case, when i say "get alive", i trust that all humans with brains, or even a heart, are able to figure out how to balance the situation of being themselves, but not at the expenses of others. They can start living for themselves, but in a better way where they can express themselves, yet others are able to accept them in spite of their differences.

Pathetic. Do I need to explain myself like this that includes many sides of view every time i wish to make a point? Say, on a blog, I do not have that much of time to sit down and write out a whole GP essay. For your information, I used to take 2 hours to complete a GP essay. Here, I'm typing, meaning i have to use a longer time. How many 2hrs can i afford just to make a point? Even listing out all possible points of view is time consuming. That's why i usually go straight to the point. Say, on msn, it's even worse, because conversation is continuous. the opposite party will not have the patience to wait for you to present so many viewpoints on a case just because you wish to make a point. that's why i always go straight to the point. If you seriously would like to hear my views on some subjects, the best is of course the conventional way. Give me a dial or meet up over a cup of coffee. We can make time for each other and really sit down and discuss upon everything under the sun. Then perhaps, we'll list down all points to all the cases we discussed, and preferably made a clean conclusion to all cases to the benefit of mankind, that everything is dependent on the situation and there is no right or wrong in anything. And isn't this always the case? That's why I do not wish to repeat that conclusion everytime. Because i assume everyone knows that there is nothing certain in life. Everything is dependent. Even Time is relative.

Perhaps the best way for me now is to be a person totally void of all emotions, expressions. Even if i'm bursting with anger, I should still keep my cool else people will start thinking i'm emotionally unbalanced. Even if I am happy, I should not laugh lest people think I'm acting cute. Even if i have some thoughts about stuffs in general, I should still keep them to myself, because some people will find it depressing. I should do everything everyone orders me to, and say and think the way everyone does. It's best if I, and everyone else, can keep their opinions to themselves, unless you want to agree on what the others say. Because no one will appreciate your views anyway. You will only be a pest.

Ah-ha! thought you've caught me don't ya? I'm being extreme over here now. To summarise, I state again. I am not a saint. I can go to extremes too. But all that matters to me is that I know that at the end of everything, i will still balance up my emotions and thoughts and reason myself back to the midpoint i always am. So how does it matter to you? You just have to trust me on that. If you find my words depressing, and it agonises you, perhaps its time to do something. It could be me, and it could be you too. If it's the former, then just stop listening to me. If it's the latter, may you do an emotional check on yourself. I am not cute, and I do not act cute. If you find me an eyesore, i'm afraid that's your own problem then. And last but not least(am i writing a GP essay here?), nothing is certain in this world.

Am I explaining myself here? Oh no... See what I mean? If i have to explain everything point that i say, and bring up more points to prove that, and then explain further on those points, see? Will i ever stop? And I'd already spent four whole hours here. :P

+ n0nG n0nG aG0 +

Aiyo aiyo aiyoyo!!! Why is June soooo loonnngggg???
This is gonna be the LONGEST May ever! And the hottest too! hahaha....

May has 31 days. Why is it that no matter how much i count the days, it'll always stay so far from June?

Come on June! Come quickly!
I've got soooo much to look forward to in you!

First of all, RESULTS!! My verdict is coming out on the FIRST week!! Go Go go!! Ops! No is Come come COME!! Everything is sooo UNcertain now. The verdict shall decide where I would continue from here. That's why! Come on June! Hurry come! From now till then, my life will be in turmoil! Come save me bah!! hahaha...

Then, I've got TWO events coming up, one in the 1st week, the other in the last week! But hopefully I can get the tix!! Oh man! I really hope i can get it! I'm soooo looking forward to it! hahaha... Come on C0mE 0N!

Then I'm going CHINA! AGAIN! MUAHAhahaha!!! ZZzzzz..... Yea... It's China again... BUT LUCKILY it's not Guangzhou! Hahaha.. this time I'm going BEIJING!!

YAY!! I'm going to sing
"........one night in Peking.... wo liu xia xu duo qing......."
>.<

I wanna eat my favourite Beijing Jiao Zi aka dumplings! Jiao zi jiao zi, jiao zi jiao zi!! I wanna eat Peking duck!! Guess what? I'm so old already, but I've never tried Peking duck before!! AARRGGHH!! All the ducks in Beijing BEWARE!! The evil witch is coming to town!! Hwahwahwa... *evil laughs*

And besides eating, I'll be having lotsa visiting to do!
Hello Panda! I'm coming to see you! Finally! To think I came all the way to Guangzhou for you last year yet all I saw was an empty cage! Now you don't hide from me ok?
And I wanna climb the GREAT WALL! Yes! The GREAT wall!! Hahaha... I wanna see if it's thick enough to trap David Copperfield in when he tried to walk through it!
I wanna go to the Forbidden City to find Huan Zhu Ge Ge! Oops! I forgot she moved to Yunnan Dali already... Ok! Then I'll go visit The Emperor, Lao Fo Ye, Ziwei and Er kang instead bah! I'll visit Huan Zhu Ge Ge and Wu A-Ge in Yunnan next time.
And last but not least, the MAIN aim of this trip, is to visit my BROTHER!!
BRO!! Your pesky sis is coming!! Muahahahaha... We all miss you so much we're gonna fly dunno how many miles to disturb you! lalalalalalala....

And one of these days, I'm gonna catch X-MEN III - THE LAST STAND!!!!

YAY YAY!!!!
U say HEY and I say H0! Yi qi zou bah! Yi qi zou bah!!
TE A GE LO YO TE A GE L0!! Yi qi zou bah!
YI QI ZOU BAH!!
W00h0O!!!

+ |d vs EP +

Indecisive vs Easily Persuaded

I realised that being indecisive does not mean being easily persuaded.
On the contrary, it may even be opposite. Precisely that one is being indecisive, all the more he is not easily persuaded.

Say given in one situation, on the assumption that neither has any preference prior to the situation, 2 persons, A(a decisive person) & B(an indecisive person), are presented with 2 choices: C & D

Third person E wants to get both A and B to choose choice D. Therefore he tells them the pros and cons of choices C and D, and empathsizes on the advantages of choosing D.

A, being a very decisive person, on hearing of the greater advantage from choosing D, he decided to choose D, and that's it.

B, being a very indecisive person, makes no move yet. Seeing B's hesitation, E proceeded to persuade B on the advantages of choosing D and disadvantages of choosing C. E even spot on B's weakness and used it to further persuade him to choose D.

B, still being very indecisive, decide not to make a choice yet. He does more researches on his own about the 2 choices, taking his own sweet time to juggle the pros and cons of the 2 choices, taking what E said into consideration, and also bearing in mind what he had found out on his own.

E, seeing that B is so indecisive, and getting more indecisive, believes that B is easy prey, and that sooner or later, with further persuasion from him, B will choose choice D.

But in the end, what B chose will be what he decided is the best for himself.

I will not say which choice is the better of the two, nor reveal what B eventually choose.

I just want to say:
A, being a decisive person, will judge things based on what he heard there and then. Given the limited information for consideration, he would naturally choose what seems the best at that instant. Which is not a bad thing except that he is more easily persuaded than B.

B, being indecisive, will take a long time to weigh the pros and cons, and decide on which is best for himself. If he is convinced the other choice is better than what he is persuaded to choose, he will still choose the former. Hence he is less easily persuaded.

There is no right no wrong, no good no bad.
Everything, the choices and the consequences, depends on the situation and character of the person.
However, never assume that all indecisive people are easily persuaded. You may want to shift your targets to those decisive ones instead.
0_^

+ tW|nS +

I can't believe this....

Everyone is unique in some ways. Yet, I've found TWO persons who are unique in EXACTLY the SAME way!! G00DNESS!! How is that possible??

I thought one person being THAT unique in the whole wide world is (bad) enough. But I just realised I've found another one who is so similar to the former, not in terms of looks but in terms of character, the way they think and behave and they way they handle things, that..... I can't help but sigh...

They know each other. But I seriously think they should get to know each other much better.
I strongly believe they are EITHER made for each other, or they will loathe each other so much they can be arch-enemies. Since they are so similar in their thinkings, either they can accept each other's shortcomings and appreciate their virtues, or they can finally discover their own shortcomings through the other person, which could lead to them disliking each other or their own selves. But from what I see, given their characters, it should be the former.

But then again, either ways it will be good. In the former, they can finally find someone who appreciate and understand them, and they could live happily ever after(without being a nuisance to others anymore).

In the latter, after being blinded to their own faults their whole lives, they can finally SEE and understand themselves more, henceforth improving themselves in their characters and personalities. Thus they will be changed into a better people (without being a nuisance to others anymore).

Then there shall be Peace in the world forever.

Isn't this good?
But reality is always different from the ideal.

+GuT +

I never know which am I.
Emotional or Rational.

I know I'm a mixture of both, but more towards which side??
No one seems to know too. Most people agree I am both, but some said i'm a LITTLE towards emotional; some said I'm a BIT towards rational; while the others simply give up trying to guage.

Say in a situation, being rational means when everything favours towards your side, you will go ahead with it. Being emotional means even when the odds are against you, so long as you feel like it, you will still go ahead with it.

But what is that when everything favours you, and you really feel like it, YET there's a TINY little thing holding you back?? And the worse thing is, you can't even locate where is the source of that tiny thing! From the back of your mind, or from the back of your heart? or everywhere in your body?

Is it Gut Feeling??
Or simply no guts??

Hmmm....
Worth pondering.....

+ l0tS +

Do you believe in lots?

Drawing lots is a form of communication between the supreme beings and us. Most people normally draw lots when they seek to have guidance in whichever area they feel lost in. The Kwan Yin Temple is well-known for giving very accurate and good advices.

Do you believe in lots? How would you feel if for the very first time in your life that you ever draw a lot, you get a bad one? How would you feel if it warns you of "xiao ren" aka evil doers? How would you feel if right at this time of your life, you feel that there are indeed possible "xiao ren"s lurking around even before you draw the lot? And they are already beginning to hurt you? How true could that lot be?

It could just be a self fulfilled prophecy.

Or

it could just be

TRUE

+ c0nDeMn +

How would you feel if you've spent ur entire life trying to please someone, only to realise that this person has long ago condemned you for who you are so many years ago and nothing, absolutely NOTHING, can change the condemnation, even if you are a much better or totally different person now?

How would you feel being condemned by the person closest to you?!
Yes! LIFE IS SAD!

Fine! If that's how you want it!
If that's what you want!
If you want to live in the past forever, FINE! Go ahead and condemn me! I wouldn't care less!
If that's what you want, if that's how I am forever in your heart, I shall revert back to the old me! Everything, just for YOU!
Go ahead and hate me! AS IF I CARE!!

PUI!

+ NeVeR sAy d|E +

Last night, I was being nosy and stopped by the television to see what’s showing. It was a reality show, “Never Say Die”.

The contestants were those who had tried their hands in Singapore Idol, Jue Dui Superstar and Star Idol but failed. Initially I wasn’t very much impressed with this show. But as it was, when I stopped to look, they were just showing a segment on the internal strife among the contestants. It seems that all 7 contestants were being very unhappy with the 8th guy and they all unleashed their frustrations and unhappiness on him all in one go. The poor guy took a big blow, and finally shed tears.

For me personally, I also do not take much liking to this guy. But seeing how sad he was… well, I realized he’s still a human. He does have feelings, no matter how eccentric or perverse he may seem. Anyway later on the other contestants explained that they weren’t really ostracizing him. They had tried all means and ways to accept him and to point out his faults to him in a bid to let him improve. However, it had all been in vain, and he just continued keeping himself on their nerves. Until that eruption when no one could take it anymore.

I can truly understand both feelings, that as one of the 7 contestants, and that of the 8th guy. No matter which side you are on, you won’t feel good. I won’t for sure.

But as things cleared up, all of them shook hands as a sign of harmony. A girl passed him a piece of tissue, and all 8 of them sat together, and the camera go around for their after thoughts on this episode. When it was one partular guy's turn, he spoke and got more passionate with each word.

“We, the 8 of us, are in this TOGETHER! We should all MOVE FORWARD as ONE! We will leave NO MAN behind!
LEAVE NO MAN BEHIND!!
NEVER SAY DIE!!”

He ended his speech standing up and making a huge warrior gesture. And we saw the 8 of them, putting their hands together, a show of unity. And at this point of time, I realized my eyes were tearing, and I didn’t even notice that.

When was the last time I heard words like this? It sounded so familiar, yet so long ago. I could feel the same emotions in them too.

Yesterday was a bad day. It doesn’t help that I was caught out of my house by the rain for 3 whole hours and still had to cycle home in the rain after the long wait. Then upon reaching my house, I faced the risk of incurring my friend’s wrath, only to realize I only have 8 hours left to prepare for a morning paper on the next day which is this morning, which I had covered less than a quarter of what I had to digest. And on top of it, I had to bear the consequences of the actions of some irresponsible parents, and I couldn’t let it out.

Perhaps I was fated to watch this segment of “Never Say Die”. Perhaps it was to tell me not to give up. Just like the contestants, they were given a second chance, and they were going all out to grab that opportunity and use it to the fullest. I was given my chance too. No matter who is going to bring me down, no matter who WANTS to bring me down, no matter who likes to see me down, I tell you now! I SHALL NEVER SAY DIE!! (ok.. even though I’m already a spirit and the fact that I’m already dead…) BUT my SPIRIT shall still go on!!! MUAHAHA!!

It seems that the offstage moments of this reality show are even more dramatic than what it already is. This is a competition, yet there is no competitiveness involved. Instead, all of them seek to help each other and strives to improve themselves. They could have jolly well made use of this chance to bring down that guy to increase their own confidence, but all they wanted to do was to help him, though things did turn wayward. But in the end, in this particular episode, I could really see an improvement in this 8th guy.

Talk about the extent of touching people’s hearts. They always occur in the most subtle form in the direst situations. Plus the fact that this is coming from a group of not-as-good-looking-as and do-not-sing-as-well-as an average person u find on the streets.

But they have something which most people don’t have. The never-say-die attitude.

And that is the difference.

+ Sp|r|t +

Since I already died on 20 April 2006, this is my spirit talking here...

Being a spirit, I've spent more time thinking over my life, and a notion simply pop up to me..

I wonder, how memorable it would be if one can graduate from University, ending her educational life, with someone she truly likes. On the Convocation Day, both wear the graduation robes, take a picture together, with triumphant smiles on their faces. Somehow it seems to signify both of them have come so far, fighting battles together, and finally be able to graduate together... even if they are purely friends.

I suddenly realise, since a long time ago, one of the big motivations to make me want to graduate, on time, is that picture. Even if he doesn't like me. Even if we are just friends. Even if he is attached. Even if it signifies that chances of meeting him again after that day is down to 0.00009.
At least i still have that picture, to remind me of him, of the days when we fought on together, encouraging each other not to give up under the tremendous stress n pressure in Uni life.

All I want and can only wish for is that photo. But can I even graduate on time? With him?
This final battle is only half over. And I'm already dead. Oh.. how did I die? I was crushed by reinforced concrete. Stupid sia.. Concrete is already bad enough, REINFORCED concrete somemore! No wonder i died such a horrible death... haiz...

But I'm still a spirit, or soul, or as some scientific people insist, a bulk of energy left hovering in the world. I'm not yet a ghost, so don't worry, i won't bite. I'm still waiting for the judgement day 6 weeks from now, where i shall face the verdict or either going to hell, or heaven, or be allowed to resurrect.


And meanwhile, even when I am a spirit, a soul, or a lump of energy, the battle must go on.

+ R.|.P. +

She came.
She lived.
Today
she died.

Rest.In.Peace.

+ hErE +

It is finally coming.
The Beginning of an Ending.
The Ending to a new Beginning.
I hope so.
I certainly hope so.
I really wish so.
I KNOW it is so.

It.is.finally.here.

+ SpAm +

AAAaaahhhhHHHHH!!!!!! I WANNA SH0000OOUT!!! I WANNA SCREAMMM!!!!!! HHHeeeEELLLPPPPP!! TERRORISTs ARE COMINNNGGGGG IN FF00OOuuuRRRR DDAAAYYYYSSSSSS!!!!!! SSSsoooo000OO SSCCCCAAARRRRYYYYYYYY!!!!!! RRrruuuUUUUNNNN F0000rrrrRR YOURRrr LLIIIVVVEEEESSSS!!! HHHEEEELLLLPPPPPPP!!!!! RRRRUUUUUNNNNNNN!!!!!!! SAAAVEEE ME SOMEBODY!!!! WHHHHOOO0000ooo CAN SAVE MMEEEeeee?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!!?!?!?!?!? AAaAAAHHHHH!!!! THEY ARRRREEEEE COMINNNNGG!!! SSSSSOOOOOO SSSCCCCAAAAARRRRYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!! AAAAAAaaaaaahhhhhhhhHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

+ HApp| fAm|Ly +

What makes a happy family?
What makes a family happy?

A happy family is not one who cares for you so much that they restrict you in every way in your life as they deem is not right enough for you.

A happy family is not one who respects you so much that they don't bother in whatever you do because they believe you are grown-up and sensible enough to know what you are doing and that you will and be able to take responsiblity for it.

A happy family is one who cares for you enough to bother themselves with whatever you do, and yet respects you enough to give appropriate advices and support you in your decisions.

How much is enough?

How much "enough" makes a family happy?
Enough "what" makes a happy family?

What is happy family?

+ tHe sEaRcH +

I know I'm dead tired and can't think clearly, but i JUST have to write this down.

Just had a chat with a long time friend. Someone whom i'd always looked up to because she thinks deep. And deep it is. One thing she said just now, which should be enough to let me ponder for a few nights, provided i still remember.

" It's always the minority who has to give in to the world.
If it's you VS the world,
you'll be the one who has to find a place that belongs to you, not the world.
The world will just pass by you. "

This is all i can remember. Well, what can you expect of someone who hadn't slept properly for 2 days n nights? Anyway, somehow i like those phrases. Especially the "the world will just pass by you".

I told her isn't it pathetic? To have to find that place that belongs to ourselves?
What if i can never find it? What if it's too late? what if it never exist?

Then again, true happiness might be in the process of searching for it.
Maybe i'll never find it. Maybe i can find something else along the way. Maybe till the day i die, I can't find it, but i have enjoyed every moment in the search. Maybe i can see the world pass by me. Or maybe it is me who pass by the world, not the world pass me by.
Maybe.... Just maybe....

~~goodnight & sweet dreamz!~~

+ Ch00sE 1 oUt oF 2 +

In Life, there are many times when we cannot have the best of both worlds.

For instance:

I love heros.
I hate wars.

Heros are born out of wars.
So heros = wars.
=> no wars = no heros

So I'll never find someone i love.

So now what?

People say, Love should be stronger than Hate.
Ok. I can live with wars so long as i get my hero, coz i love my hero more than i hate wars.

Muahaahaha! What rubbish!

Now that's why i say, many a times, no one can have the best of both worlds.
In this case, I'll choose to have no war, and no hero.

I shall have no heros to love. But i have my family and friends, and all the people living in harmony in this whole wide world!

LONG LIVE WORLD PEACE!!!

+ EnT|T|EmEnT +

There are certain things in life which some people are entitled to since their births. And which some other people can never attain in their lives.

Some one asked me for advice before. About a decision that could affect his life, at least for now. He had consulted others before. Those who encouraged him would list him one whole chunk of advantages. Those who discouraged, listed the opposite.

He came to me, still undecided.

I was silent for a long while. What he should know, he knew already. So I finally told him.

"If i were YOU in YOUR exact situation, I would go.
If i were ME in YOUR exact situation, I would not go.
Why? You know it very well yourself."

I can't believe i said this! This was like the best advice i can ever give to any one! And by doing so, i've expressing all my views and opinions and feelings already!
Simple and flat. No sides taken. I had made a smart advice. The rest was up to him.

Why have i told him thus? Because he possessed the entitlement. And i believed he knew it himself too. Because he didn't probe further. He's a smart kid.

Anyway, i believe he had made a smart choice. Well, as i'd said, he's smart.

Only those without the entitlement are qualified to give smart advice, because they have no entitlement to do otherwise.

+ A dAy g0nE bAd +

I shan't be sarcastic here and complain and grumble about how SOME PEOPLE spoil my day. When I'm pissed, I'm pissed. I'll directly say, someONE spoiled my day today. But in order to protect her, i shan't use her name. And you shan't guess either.

We were supposed to meet someone else at 130pm. But I was going to be late. She was already in that vincity of the meeting place. I called her up and we agreed on her continuing to meet him at the original time and me joining them at 2pm. I rushed like don't know what to get there at the appointed time, making me look like a mess along the way. And i did manage to reach there exactly at the time i said i would reach. 2pm.

Guess what? I barged into his room, all flustered and a mess, and i saw him. And him only. With an extremely pissed off face.
He: Yes?
Me: Erm.. She has not reached yet? Or has she left already?
He: She said to change the time to 230pm. She said you can only reach at 230pm.
Me: Oh she did? Or shall I start first?
He: No no. I'm not free now, I'm not always free you know? And both of you should come together. You shall come at 230pm.
Me: Oh.. Ok sorry. I'll come at a later time then.

I was thus rejected from his room. The moment i stepped out of his office, i called her up, feeling quite ridiculous and foolish. Turned out she was still preparing her stuffs. I told her about what happened to me. She laughed. Laughed! Not a single trace of empathy!

Okay. I'm not a petty person. It was my fault I'm late. Even if he wanted us to see him together, we can both see him at 2pm when i reached! Okay, so she was worried that i cant make it on time at 2pm, and so she fixed the time at 230pm. Perfectly fine.

But as a friend, she didn't even show the slightest empathy and sensitivity with me when i told her i was being chased out, and it's due to a mistake that SHE, intentionally or unintentionally, made. Instead, she LAUGHED it off as if it was a big joke. May I know what is so funny about a friend being made a fool?
Okay, friends aside. Even without friendship, just as a colleague, didn't she have the SLIGHTEST courtesy to at least inform me that she had changed the time? Yes, half an hour is no big deal! But if i was informed, I wouldn't have barged into someone's room making a fool out of myself! If i was informed, I could have gotten my lunch before the meeting at 2pm and not 2 hours later at 4pm!

"Money makes the world go round. Hunger makes ME go MAD!"

If she had simply said,"Oops! Sorry I forgot to inform you that i changed the time."(basic manners), my day would still be as good. But no. She LAUGHED! that's the worst part. What a sadist! She enjoyed seeing me in distress?!

By the time i knew, I didn't have enough time to grab something properly. I spent the next 15 mins walking around the area, trying to make myself cool down, and sitting in front of somewhere looking like a complete idiot!

At 230pm, no sight of her. 235pm, no trace. I called her at 240pm. She told me she's still tidying up her stuffs and would be done in 5-10 mins, and asked me to see him first. Ok. So if i didn't call her, i would still be waiting and the both of us would be late again. And it'll be my fault, because it was me who was late in the first place and she was already there.

To put it across nicely, she was just being irresponsible of not informing me that she changed the time, nor that she would be late for the meeting at 230pm.
To put it out harshly, one can say she used me as a shield to postpone the time when she was the one who needed the time to complete her stuffs and made me the scapegoat.

Well, i gave her the benefit of doubt.

But i was still hungry. I pulled a LONG face throughout the whole meeting. No point putting on a facade. That's being hypocritical.

Funny thing was, 4 hours later at 615pm, she sms-ed me.
She: hey girl sorry i forgot to inform you about coming later today.
(I'd already forgotten the matter, but i decided to let her know of my displeasure)
Me: Wah.. Not bad sia.. you actually took 4 hours to realise you're sorry? ok. Apology accepted.
( I thought that was the end of the episode. Until i recieved another sms from her)
She: Huh? It wasnt on purpose ma. And like you never did anything bad to me before.. anything

??!!!???!!!???!!

What was that suppose to mean? So i guess she wasn't serious when she said sorry? I'm not even reprimanding her loh! She can save that 'sorry'.
And what did she mean with the 2nd part of her msg? So me doing anything bad to her in the past would deny her the fact that she did something bad to me?! So I'd have lost all rights to feel angry? And what have i done to her? Have i harmed her in any way? Even if i had displeased her in the past, I would have said sorry to her immediately and i had meant it, even if she had not deserved it! But the fact is, I'm pissed with her today solely because of what she had done today! I was not even taking into consideration her faults in the past! And now she's trying to dig the past out so that she can escape her present guilt?

This is just a miscommunication. It's not as if she really did anything bad to me. I wasn't even scolding her! Does she need to be so defensive?
It's totally out of point! Does she even know what i was pissed with her about? Faint.

To this girl:
If you happen to see this entry, and you felt greatly disturbed and maligned, feel free to call me up and we can clarify the matter once and for all. This is actually a small matter and I have no wish to start a war. I'm not trying to criticise you on my blog. I'm just relating my day on it.