+ wEiRd dReAm +
I had a funny dream last night. there's this very very long Pasar Malam that stretches for 3 whole HDB long blocks. Then i was there shopping at 10am! A guy friend of mine, let's call him Guy A, was there too, but we keep cha1 sheng1 er2 guo4 and didn't meet. It was like in the movie "turn left turn right". But of course we eventually met. Then we sorta had a fun time then he even bought fireworks for me. But hello?! It was like 10 am in the morning!?!?! So in the end he said maybe we could continue walk walk till it's at night so that we can set off the fireworks? I was like dotz... how can there be anyone who shop at just Pasar Malam for the whole day? But then i met MissyC so I happily went shopping through the whole pasar malam again with her, and of course with Guy A tagging along. (We are waiting for night fall rememeber?)
Some how time flew. And I really mean FLEW! I could literally see the sky turn darker, not because it's going to rain okay? And all of us didn't need to eat. So we really spent almost the whole day just at the Pasar Malam! How boring can it get!? Hahahaa...
When it's just evening, we met another guy friend of mine, Guy B. And then for no reason, he suddenly wanted to woo me!! And he joined us in our walk in the Pasar Malam. But what's worse!? Guy A seemed to sense rivalry and started to get active also! So in the end out of a sudden, i had TWO guys sucking up to me all at once, fighting for my attention! EEwww!!
I got so scared i quickly walked away with MissyC. She was having a dot dot expression at the sudden change in the 2 guys' behaviours. But the 2 guys caught up and were fighting to give me a present, thinking i like crystals! Guy A gave me a pink crystal pendant and Guy B gave me a yellow one... And they were fighting to say the meaning behind those crystals, but i can't remember what's the stories, because I was so freaked out by then! I mean I quite like the pendants, but under this kind of situations? Oh manz!
I put the pendants on the floor (since they kept pushing them to me and they didn't want to take them back) and then turned and RAN FOR MY LIFE! And guess what!?! They CHASED after me!! And they are so fast! I admit it, i'm a slow runner, and those 2 guys are so fast! They sorta made a name for themselves in running during NS. So guess how fast they can get?
But then luckily, MissyC popped out from nowhere ( i believe she had ran along with me when i started running) and grabbed my hand and pulled me along to run with her. And mark it! She's real fast! Hahaa yah i still remember she's quite a fast runner during schooldays, and anyway i'm always one of the slowest in the 2.4km run... Hahaa oops!
In the end, we managed to shake the 2 guys off... we are THAT fast! Muahaha! Thanx MissyC!! How could i have managed without you!? Hahaha... We MuSt meet up real soon yeah? =D
Oh! and the both of us continued shopping in the SAME PASAR MALAM!!!!!! ~_~""
Sunday, May 29, 2005
Friday, May 13, 2005
+ pHoBiA +
+ pHoBiA +
I just realized something...something which i have been suspecting for very long... it is confirmed... i have a phobia... a phobia of guys? or rather... a phobia of relationships... or more precisely, a phobia of commitment.
Last time... when anyone show the slightest, ahem, interest in me... ok, forgive me for being bhb here... it could all be part of my illusion... but anyway, i would shun them at the slightest indication. Even if we are just friends, or close friends, or people whom i'm totally neutral about, or dislike ones or even those whom i have good impressions on, i would keep them at arm's length. And at the tiniest bit of move, i would really 'ju4 ren2 yu2 qian1 li3 zhi1 wai4', if you know what i mean.
i don't understand why. i really don't know. it's not that i'm a lesbian or what... or mayb subconciously i am... hahaa... but the thing is, it's just my natural reaction! That's how weird things are. I've always tried to come up with explanations for this eccentric behaviour. That's why i've been suspecting about the doubts.
But what happened today made me realize the problem really lies with me, that i really do have a phobia. It was like i do have guy friends. I do mix well with some of them. Crushes too! Or even hoping some would take the initiative to know me better. It wasn't that bad if any took that initiative you know? The scary part was, when you go out with someone, a friend, and the strong notion of him falling for you just suddenly flashed past your mind, it was so irky!! That's right! At that moment, i really feel like vomiting, literally! It was so turn off! Even if i may like that person, everything positive simply disappear there and then! i just feel like puking! hahaa... thats so pathetic! Why is that so? It wasn't that disgusting if someone you totally dislike keeps pestering you.
It was like i would want a friend to get warm up to me, treating me as a friend.. and more... i mean, as in a good friend or close friend. But when that guy started to get really warmed up to me, oh man! that gruesome feeling comes! It was just like i was so scared he fell for me, or worse still, i was so scared he THOUGHT I fell for him!!!! There's a difference with a guy liking a girl, and thinking that a girl likes him. If things went smooth, they will surely get attached in the end in both cases. But the problem is, I wouldn't want to be attached to a guy because i like him, or he thought i like him! Because i don't want him to be attached to me because he don't mind being my bf! I want a guy who truly likes me because he likes me, not because i like him. Now i guess no one understands what im talking about here. Well, so long as i know, who cares! hahaa..
And i finally concluded that it is a commitment problem. I'm a person who loves freedom, that i know long ago. I hate being restricted. That's why commitment is a scary word for me.
That's what i found out too. If i go out with a friend, and there's a group of guys having fun beside us, guess what? I would actually prefer to join the group rather than being alone just the two of us! That's how i am! I'm still the fun-loving kid! I prefer having fun with big groups, rather than reserving my energy just for 1 person! Of course if we are really close friends, I really don't mind, but in terms of having fun... oh man! can you guess how much fun i'm missing out? That's why i know i'm not ready for relationships yet... or maybe not... hahaa... i might really don't mind being tied down to that someone of my life... but then again... who is the TRUE one?
And the one last thing which i deeply believe is the main cause of my phobia... it's all about the negative issues of relationships around me... 80% of my friends' relationships, they got together and they broke, found someone else and got together, and broke again... i felt so sad whenever i hear my friends falling out with their other halves, dumping others or being dumped. Actually in a relationship, no one is truly right or wrong. the one being ditched may not necessary be the victim; the ditcher may have suffered in silence too long to come to this decision. Only a few i know are still happily ever after.... but then again, let's hope they can end till the end of the world... and one more thing... the funniest thing... 70% of the guys i know, tell me at least once that they find talking to me made their blood boiling... and guess what?
the statistic of the century!
100% of my girlfriends' boyfriends hates me to the CORE!!!
wow! i never know i'm that powerful!! HAHAHAHaaa
I just realized something...something which i have been suspecting for very long... it is confirmed... i have a phobia... a phobia of guys? or rather... a phobia of relationships... or more precisely, a phobia of commitment.
Last time... when anyone show the slightest, ahem, interest in me... ok, forgive me for being bhb here... it could all be part of my illusion... but anyway, i would shun them at the slightest indication. Even if we are just friends, or close friends, or people whom i'm totally neutral about, or dislike ones or even those whom i have good impressions on, i would keep them at arm's length. And at the tiniest bit of move, i would really 'ju4 ren2 yu2 qian1 li3 zhi1 wai4', if you know what i mean.
i don't understand why. i really don't know. it's not that i'm a lesbian or what... or mayb subconciously i am... hahaa... but the thing is, it's just my natural reaction! That's how weird things are. I've always tried to come up with explanations for this eccentric behaviour. That's why i've been suspecting about the doubts.
But what happened today made me realize the problem really lies with me, that i really do have a phobia. It was like i do have guy friends. I do mix well with some of them. Crushes too! Or even hoping some would take the initiative to know me better. It wasn't that bad if any took that initiative you know? The scary part was, when you go out with someone, a friend, and the strong notion of him falling for you just suddenly flashed past your mind, it was so irky!! That's right! At that moment, i really feel like vomiting, literally! It was so turn off! Even if i may like that person, everything positive simply disappear there and then! i just feel like puking! hahaa... thats so pathetic! Why is that so? It wasn't that disgusting if someone you totally dislike keeps pestering you.
It was like i would want a friend to get warm up to me, treating me as a friend.. and more... i mean, as in a good friend or close friend. But when that guy started to get really warmed up to me, oh man! that gruesome feeling comes! It was just like i was so scared he fell for me, or worse still, i was so scared he THOUGHT I fell for him!!!! There's a difference with a guy liking a girl, and thinking that a girl likes him. If things went smooth, they will surely get attached in the end in both cases. But the problem is, I wouldn't want to be attached to a guy because i like him, or he thought i like him! Because i don't want him to be attached to me because he don't mind being my bf! I want a guy who truly likes me because he likes me, not because i like him. Now i guess no one understands what im talking about here. Well, so long as i know, who cares! hahaa..
And i finally concluded that it is a commitment problem. I'm a person who loves freedom, that i know long ago. I hate being restricted. That's why commitment is a scary word for me.
That's what i found out too. If i go out with a friend, and there's a group of guys having fun beside us, guess what? I would actually prefer to join the group rather than being alone just the two of us! That's how i am! I'm still the fun-loving kid! I prefer having fun with big groups, rather than reserving my energy just for 1 person! Of course if we are really close friends, I really don't mind, but in terms of having fun... oh man! can you guess how much fun i'm missing out? That's why i know i'm not ready for relationships yet... or maybe not... hahaa... i might really don't mind being tied down to that someone of my life... but then again... who is the TRUE one?
And the one last thing which i deeply believe is the main cause of my phobia... it's all about the negative issues of relationships around me... 80% of my friends' relationships, they got together and they broke, found someone else and got together, and broke again... i felt so sad whenever i hear my friends falling out with their other halves, dumping others or being dumped. Actually in a relationship, no one is truly right or wrong. the one being ditched may not necessary be the victim; the ditcher may have suffered in silence too long to come to this decision. Only a few i know are still happily ever after.... but then again, let's hope they can end till the end of the world... and one more thing... the funniest thing... 70% of the guys i know, tell me at least once that they find talking to me made their blood boiling... and guess what?
the statistic of the century!
100% of my girlfriends' boyfriends hates me to the CORE!!!
wow! i never know i'm that powerful!! HAHAHAHaaa
Wednesday, May 04, 2005
+ tRaVeLs +
+ tRaVeLs +
Why do people travel? Work? Reunions with family? Friends? Holiday? Leisure?
How would one define 'going on a holiday'? Some how, 80% of the people i know, they go travelling because they want to go shopping. That's right... cheap deals, cheap sales... I guess they most probably either enjoy the process of shopping, or simply are just looking for sales to indulge themselves in...
Haiz... I want to go overseas... I want to go on a holiday... And that means to be mentally free... free from the stress and responsibility of everyday life... of school, of work, of family strains, or relationships... I want to be able to think about what i wish to think about, with no one interrupting me, with no one telling me what i should think...
I want to be physically free... to be able to do what i want to do... to do the things i normally can't do, or are not available in Singapore... I want to see all the wonderful things in the world... i want to see the different things, the amazing things, the beautiful things that can't be seen in Singapore... I want to taste the different flavours of the culinary outside Singapore... true flavours... of different countries, different cultures, different races... I want to hear the winds whispering in my ears, the trees softly rustling to each other, the waves lapping in the sea, kids laughing merrily playing on the streets, the hustling and bustling of a busy morning.... not the sharp retching of the motor engines, not of mothers screaming at their children for dropping an ice-cream, not the lifeless sound of a heartless office, not the gossips of a clueless victim... i want to feel Life... feel the Pulse of Earth under my feet... feel the Breathe of the blue sky above... feel the Hope shining in the starry Heavens up there...
No. I don't want to just go shopping... I can shop in Singapore too... So what if they are cheaper by a few cents, a few dollars, or even half the price? To me, they are the same... What's a few extra dollars as long as i like them...? Greater variety? Indeed. But i do not find the people in other countries having more dress sense than Singaporeans do. They just wear what they feel comfortable, and that's why we find them very nicely dressed. No. I don't want to go on a tour just to eat loads of cheap seafood... I can get them in Singapore too. No big deal. And one whole day of seafood? Kaoz! My blood cholesterol can simply shoot sky-high! No thank you very much. No. I don't want to go overseas just to go around praying at some temples. If I'm faithful, one God is enough for me. We have Goddess of Mercy right here at Waterloo Street. Just a bus away. No sweat.
Haiz... There's so many places i want to go... so many restrictions... so little time... so little money...
My dream land in the world... yes, a very magical land... yes, a very beautiful land... yes, a very musical land... and yes, a very expensive land too.... the piece of land under the stars.... yes, my piece of land under the starz......
Why do people travel? Work? Reunions with family? Friends? Holiday? Leisure?
How would one define 'going on a holiday'? Some how, 80% of the people i know, they go travelling because they want to go shopping. That's right... cheap deals, cheap sales... I guess they most probably either enjoy the process of shopping, or simply are just looking for sales to indulge themselves in...
Haiz... I want to go overseas... I want to go on a holiday... And that means to be mentally free... free from the stress and responsibility of everyday life... of school, of work, of family strains, or relationships... I want to be able to think about what i wish to think about, with no one interrupting me, with no one telling me what i should think...
I want to be physically free... to be able to do what i want to do... to do the things i normally can't do, or are not available in Singapore... I want to see all the wonderful things in the world... i want to see the different things, the amazing things, the beautiful things that can't be seen in Singapore... I want to taste the different flavours of the culinary outside Singapore... true flavours... of different countries, different cultures, different races... I want to hear the winds whispering in my ears, the trees softly rustling to each other, the waves lapping in the sea, kids laughing merrily playing on the streets, the hustling and bustling of a busy morning.... not the sharp retching of the motor engines, not of mothers screaming at their children for dropping an ice-cream, not the lifeless sound of a heartless office, not the gossips of a clueless victim... i want to feel Life... feel the Pulse of Earth under my feet... feel the Breathe of the blue sky above... feel the Hope shining in the starry Heavens up there...
No. I don't want to just go shopping... I can shop in Singapore too... So what if they are cheaper by a few cents, a few dollars, or even half the price? To me, they are the same... What's a few extra dollars as long as i like them...? Greater variety? Indeed. But i do not find the people in other countries having more dress sense than Singaporeans do. They just wear what they feel comfortable, and that's why we find them very nicely dressed. No. I don't want to go on a tour just to eat loads of cheap seafood... I can get them in Singapore too. No big deal. And one whole day of seafood? Kaoz! My blood cholesterol can simply shoot sky-high! No thank you very much. No. I don't want to go overseas just to go around praying at some temples. If I'm faithful, one God is enough for me. We have Goddess of Mercy right here at Waterloo Street. Just a bus away. No sweat.
Haiz... There's so many places i want to go... so many restrictions... so little time... so little money...
My dream land in the world... yes, a very magical land... yes, a very beautiful land... yes, a very musical land... and yes, a very expensive land too.... the piece of land under the stars.... yes, my piece of land under the starz......
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